Have you ever agonized over a big decision? Did it practically take over your life until the decision was made? I remember struggling so badly with a decision in January 1976 that I gave myself permission to change my mind until the very, very last minute. I was in Atlanta, Georgia with my husband and young son. We were visiting for Christmas and celebrating my parents’ reuniting. (another story) My husband and I were living in Tehran, Iran in a dying marriage. My life was generally miserable and of my own making. Being with my parents away from Iran was a sweet escape. The option of staying in Atlanta rather than going back to Tehran with my husband for another year was beyond tempting.
During the last few days of our visit, I changed my mind every hour and for a myriad of reasons – staying meant freedom but also failure. Returning meant going back to “prison” but also keeping my family together. You get the idea.
It was not until I boarded the SECOND flight back to Tehran that I knew this was my final opportunity to turn around and go back. I didn’t. I got on the plane out of fear, fear of an unknown future. A case of familiar misery is often more acceptable than the unknown. I survived but only after another year of suffering.
I remember talking to my father during that visit. I told him everything. I trusted his judgement. He told me that with very few exceptions, your decisions can be undone. Simply make another decision!
Although it didn’t help me at that particular time, I think about his words whenever I am faced with a large decision today. There are very few life or death decisions that we are called upon to make in our lives.
Another bit of advice that he gave me about decision making which I find very useful is list making. You are probably already familiar with this one and may even be utilizing it. If, for example, you have been offered a different job and you are not sure whether you should leave your current job and go for the new one or stay where you are, make a list! Pros and cons for staying in the new job or pros and cons of leaving . Or, if you really like lists, make four columns and do pros and cons for both! It takes something mental and adds a new dimension of visual. For people like me who appreciate that dimension, it becomes a valuable aid in the decision making process. If your “con” column is much longer than your “pro”, then don’t do it!
When I was 16 my parents divorced. My father left my mother for another woman. Ten years later he came back. My parents remarried and spent the rest of their lives together. This is admittedly very rare and all kinds of variables were in his favor, but you see it is possible. He reversed a decision and ultimately got back what he had lost!
As a young adult I found decision making challenging at best. This was due to the fact that while growing up, most of my decisions were made for me, by my father. He was a very strong figure in my life. All of a sudden I am an adult and have to make my own decisions. It was difficult at first. But after each big decision, subsequent decisions became easier. This speaks to why you need to give your children opportunities to make decisions on their own. Not only does it build confidence but it will make their future decisions much easier when they leave the nest.
Some decisions are inherently hard to make but not making the decision takes the control away from you and gives it to someone or something else. Make an informed decision and then see where it leads. If it does not turn out well, make another decision. This is your life. Make it work for you.
Now, what should I have for lunch? :))