What I am about to tell you is not expert advice, rather it is based on many years of living and experience with men. I have also read several books on the subject. The information I provide is based on the assumption that the man in question is at his core, a good man. He does not beat you, cheat on you or lie about who he is.
I have come to the conclusion that men need three things from their mates in order to be happy. And those three things are: sex (no surprise there), appreciation and space. By space I mean you cannot hover over him or expect to be with him 24/7. It would drive anyone, let alone your man, a little crazy. They need time to be men, think about things that either do not concern you or that they do not wish to share. A man cave is a perfect solution but if you do not have one, a home office, den, or just let them be alone sometimes, without interfering by constantly asking him what he’s doing or when he will be finished. No man likes that.
Women need space as well. You each need to have your alone time. Time to re-group, regenerate, refresh, whatever “re” word you can think of that applies here. My day for all of the above is Monday. That is my sacred day. It is when I write, take care of business things, do laundry, read, whatever tickles my fancy. But I want to do it alone. If I don’t get my alone time I get crabby. Togetherness is wonderful but so is solitude. Neither one is good as a regular diet.
Men do not want nor do they need to share all of their thoughts with you. It is not who they are. Give them that. Accept it. It is just the way they are built. A little mystery is a good thing, right?
I have learned so much about men over the years, from my sons first and then from my husband. I really did not figure out the good wife thing until a few years ago. It’s not easy and yet it is. I should probably say that it doesn’t come easily to us women because we are so different from them. Vive la difference!
Of course all men are not the same. There is not a one size fits all way to be with your man. If you love him and want to stay with him, then you will figure out what he likes and does not like of the things you do. My husband, for example, does not like to play 20 questions. (I think most men are like this.) One or two questions about his day are fine, but if it becomes an interrogation, I have either lost him or pissed him off. I try to avoid both.
Now, appreciation. From the cave man forward, men have wanted and needed to feel appreciated. You would be amazed at how far that goes to make your man happy. Just a simple, “I appreciate all you do for our family. I know how hard you work for us and I love you for it.” Boom! How hard is that? Not at all! Will you reap the rewards of his good feelings? Without question!
I am only talking about men in this blog. Women need things from their men as well, of course. This is not meant to be one sided. And I realize it is a bit old fashioned. Can you tell I was raised in the 1950’s? But you know what? That stuff still works! Women may have changed dramatically over the years, gotten more independent, liberated, whatever, but men are men and very little has changed with them when it comes to what makes them happy at home. Trust me on this one.
A man wants his woman to see him as Superman, whether he measures up or not. A woman who makes him feel like that need never worry about being left for someone else. Why would he leave? If you make him feel like the man he has always wanted to be, you will win his heart forever. (Okay, this is true 99% of the time. I suppose there are always exceptions. But rarely..)
The third thing – sex. Yes, again everyone is different. But I don’t care the age, they all think about it and want it with the women they are with. Intimacy in some form is very important in a marriage/relationship. It is a bonding thing, a deep connecting that feeds our souls. Give it to each other and don’t ever hold back because of pride or ego. Love is love.
Two things I will leave you with. One, if you have never read Laura Schlessinger’s book, “The proper care and feeding of husbands”, read it! You will gain so much insight about men you will walk away feeling like an expert – at least an expert on your own man. It is guaranteed to give you a deep understanding of the opposite sex. I promise.
Second, I will end with part of a beautiful piece on marriage from Kahlil Gibran from his book “The Profit”:
“….But let their be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you……And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
Now go give him a hug. :))