I know we have talked about fear before. The last time I wrote about it was in the context of riding horses. This time it is more general but it still includes my equine friends. I am going to discuss the three most prominent situations in my life that evoke fear.
The older I get the more I am aware of activities or situations that bring up fear in me. So many things I did as a child or even 20 years ago that I feel I could no longer do today, simply because I am too afraid. Afraid of what? Afraid of getting hurt, making a fool out of myself, looking stupid, making people angry, die, etc., to name just a few. Most young people as well as those blessed with unwavering self esteem do not have the same issues. I am well aware of that and am green with envy.
You know I have fear when I ride my horse, not that she is a scary horse, far from it. She is one of the safest horses I could possibly ride. But I have had more than one serious fall from a horse. Twice I came off of her, once got hurt but not badly. If I allow myself to think, “what if?” every time I ride, it would never be a pleasant experience. Fortunately, most of the time the anxiety goes away as soon as I get on her back. Strange, right? The build up to the ride is often more fear provoking than the actual ride. A healthy amount of fear while riding horses is a good thing. They can hurt you. They can kill you. Sometimes it’s personal but mostly it is just horses being horses. It’s called self-preservation. A motorcycle is not going to randomly decide to go faster or throw you off of its back because it got scared. When you ride, there are two living creatures involved, two personalities and two moods for that particular day.
Why do I still ride? One reason is simply the challenge of overcoming my fear. The second and most important reason is that riding brings me so much joy. I love the connection we have. I love the harmony we create and how when it happens we are no longer horse and rider, but rather one living thing. As for Dressage, it is a mental discipline that engages and pleases my left-brained personality beyond measure.
Public Speaking – I am getting better at this. The last time I did it was at a public library and I actually had a great time. So much so that I am looking forward to the next one, in November. This is the least of my fear-provoking activities. I think the old drama student comes out and loves having the undivided attention of several people in front of me. The key is to be prepared! I am always nervous until I start speaking – hmm, sound familiar?
Flying – I know I have a lot of company here. I have to say it is the only activity where I can actually use the word “hate”. I hate flying. Now here is what makes me a brave girl – I do it anyway. My husband and I have traveled quite a bit together. I have traveled alone. I will fly if it will get me somewhere I want to go. I allow myself to be miserable and a nervous wreck until we touch down and then my body goes into decompress mode. I know up front that the day of the flight I will a ball of nerves but the good part will follow – landing safely on the ground. And that is when the fun begins.
So fear – friend or foe? Fear is your body’s way of getting your attention. It comes up unbidden. When it does, give it your attention. Then you have to analyze the situation and see if it warrants the amount of fear you are feeling. Depending on the answer, act accordingly.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.” I have also heard that FEAR stands for “False evidence appearing real”.
I like what Emerson had to say about fear. I haven’t quite gotten there yet but it definitely helps devalue the emotion when you do what you fear. As for “false evidence appearing real”, sometimes, but not always. Sometimes you should have fear.
So, is fear a friend or a foe? I would say it is really neither. Your gut is saying to you, “Hey, pay attention to what is going on here.” You say, “Thanks, I will.” And then you decide how to react to it.
The above are some of the everyday fears that can make us uncomfortable, even immobilize us, preventing us from living rich and full lives. Make your judgement call. If things are fairly safe, if it is mostly just getting out of your comfort zone for a while, then allow yourself to push through the fear. When you come out on the other side of it, you will feel stronger and more capable for having done so. And then celebrate! :))