It’s November in Portland, Oregon and 98% of the trees around me have given up their leaves in anticipation of winter. I look at the 2% and wonder, Why are they holding on? Don’t they know that they can’t stop winter from coming? Why aren’t they letting go?
It makes me think of humans and how we hold on to things/places/people/beliefs when perhaps it would be better for us to let them go. Why do we do that? My theory is that it gives us a feeling of security, holding on to the familiar, even when we may know, deep down, that it’s not a good idea to do so. Especially if what we are holding on to is hurting us in some way. Perhaps it is even toxic.
I held on to a relationship of three years long past the time I knew it was not a healthy one. I kept hoping things would change and I would finally get my fairy tale ending. Holding on did nothing to change the outcome. He left me and rather than feeling empowered, I felt lost and abandoned by someone I trusted. Where did I go wrong? Had I left earlier, when I saw the proverbial writing on the wall, I would still have felt the pain, but I would have been more in charge of my own life. Lesson learned.
I held on to my horse longer than I should have. I knew we weren’t going to make it unless I gave in to staying at the same level with her and never advancing. It hurt like hell to let her go but it was the smart move. Keeping her with me did not give either one of us the opportunity to grow and have a meaningful life. I tried for months to put the square peg in the round hole, to no avail. I played the ” If I just….. then it will work out” game for way too long.
I held on to an ideal all through my young adulthood of what marriage should look like. I wasn’t completely wrong. It should be a mutually satisfying union between two people who love and respect one another. But that’s where the similarity ended. Is it anything like the movies suggested? Is it a fairy tail? Does all relationship work stop when you say “I do?” No! It begins! And boy are there bumpy roads ahead. But if you are with someone tried and true, you have nothing to worry about. You will get through the bumpy times with hard work and love.
I’ve held on to an idea for too long. I thought for many months that I was “supposed to be” a hospital chaplain. I did my research, interviewed other chaplains, talked to hospital administrators, only to find at every turn the door slam in my face. After several dead ends, I finally gave up on the idea.
Think about what you might be holding on to that you need to let go. Maybe it’s a false impression of someone. Maybe the false impression is of you! Maybe you have been telling yourself for a long time that you are not good enough for something or someone. You’re too old to try something new. You’re not worthy of the good in your life. Is it time to let those beliefs go away to die? Think about what is serving you and your best life and what is not. Give it some serious thought and then if necessary, let it go. You will find yourself moving faster toward a better life. Holding on to things when it’s time to let them go may feel secure, but it is actually preventing you from moving forward, and in most cases, from being happy again.
Just like we should clean out our closets once a year, it’s also good to clean out your life. Let go of anything that does not contribute to your well being. Then watch yourself grow. God bless.