Yesterday my husband and I went out to look at couches. I was tired and therefore easily irritated. I can’t speak to why but he wasn’t in a great mood either. Not the best time to look for couches or anything for that matter. Consequently, we got into a heated discussion in the store. Voices were raised and all I could think of is Oh great, now we’ re THAT couple. I was imagining that after we left (Needless to say we didn’t buy anything.) the sales staff would talk about us and what a sorry couple we were. Feeling hot, exhausted and wanting only to be away from him, I sat quietly in the car on the ride home. Why did I marry this guy? I pondered. I wanted us to have a fun excursion together (Yes, with Covid, going out to a store to buy a couch could be considered fun) and all we did was argue.
On the way home we passed by a church on my side of the street. I glanced at the sign out front which changed every few seconds. At the moment I looked at it I saw the words, “Love each other.” The message annoyed me. I don’t feel like it, I said inside my head, probably directed to God. I pouted a while longer, wishing I had never suggested going out in the first place. If only I were home, ALONE. My husband asked me a question and my response was “I don’t care. Whatever you want.” “Oh, still in a mood are we?” “No, I’m just trying to be accommodating.” I lied. I was still being a brat. Eventually my husband, being the more mature one (at least this time) patted me on the knee and said “We’ll figure it out when we get home. Everything will work out just fine.” I slowly came around, reluctantly, and the rest of the evening was far better.
My point? How quickly one can turn into a petulant, selfish, whiny child when you are in the wrong frame of mind. How quickly two people who clearly care about each other can go from love to anger. And if left unchecked, that anger can prevail and then grow to be larger than your relationship. The next thing you know you are saying goodbye. Is that what you wanted? Usually the answer is a resounding “No!” But it is easy to get there. When I was going through it, I noticed my unwillingness to stop and the resistance I felt to swallowing my pride. It almost felt good to be obstinate for a while. But at what price?
I am far from a relationship expert but have a great deal of experience and can tell you that your need to be right can wreak havoc. Your pride can ruin a perfectly good friendship. Being inflexible in any relationship can lead to its demise. If you choose to be in a relationship, then you must understand from the start it is no longer about YOU; it’s about “WE”. If that realization is too difficult to accept then perhaps you are not ready for a relationship.
Sometimes I play a game with myself when I feel about to be upset with my spouse. I try to put myself in his shoes and argue his side of things. That’s an old technique I learned in college when I was studying to become a Marriage, Family, Child Therapist. It’s a great technique and almost always works in building a bridge between two people. Try it sometime. You can use it during any argument or heated discussion with a spouse, partner, friend, co-worker or even a child that is old enough to reason.
When you are on the other side of the argument, say a prayer of thanks that this person is in your life. It’s a nice way to bring closure. God bless.