When I was a little girl and for several years after, the word “selfish” was a bad word. It meant that I did not think of others but only of myself. As a dedicated Sunday School attendant, this was drummed into me on a regular basis. As soon as we stopped going to church (after moving out of the area), I slowly came around to thinking that being selfish was not such a bad thing after all.
Many years later, after my divorce, I did a 180 on the selfless scale. It was just me and my child and you better believe I was thinking of me as number one back then. It was several years until I attended church again but it was not a Christian church. It was Science of Mind (not Scientology). It had many good teachings, just not the real thing. Being selfish was not really talked about and so I continued to put myself first.
When you are on your own you tend to think of self defense. I envisioned myself on the top of a mountain, sword at my side and a shield at my chest. It was me against the world. I didn’t want to be alone but for many years, despite a handful of promising but failed relationships, I would remain alone for some time.
In 2015 I turned my life over to God at a time that was, I could say, sublime. I was happily married, had two grown sons who were happily married and grandchildren to spoil. I was retired and got to play with my horse several days a week. Life was good. No, life was great. Nothing was missing, or so I thought. Then God tapped me on the shoulder one day and said, Time to follow me, not just believe in me. And so I did and haven’t looked back since.
So did my selfish ways cease? Not entirely, although I had more people to consider then. Where did this idea for a blog subject come from? Recently I was promised something which made me excited and happy. Then I got a text asking a favor of me for the very day I was supposed to receive my favor. I was gracious in my reply but immediately went to poor me mode. It took me a while to realize I was being completely selfish and was actually made to feel smaller by someone else who was involved as I witnessed their utter and complete selflessness and generosity. I was ashamed and embarrassed at my initial reaction. Wow, I thought to myself, I am only thinking of me right now. That’s terrible! That’s unacceptable! What I forgot to add was, That’s normal! That’s called being human and falling down.
I switched gears and told myself I wouldn’t even mention the promise that appeared to be forgotten about. I changed my attitude and God changed the circumstances. Not only was that promise kept, but sooner than I had expected. Silly me. As soon as I gave it up, I got it back.
We all have our moments of “poor me.” That is completely natural. But work on putting others first, your spouse, your friends, your children, even strangers. You will be taken care of whether you worry about it or not.
I remember as a dramatic teenager telling my father that I needed to “find myself.” In his great wisdom he told me that the best way to do that was in service to others. Bingo!
Next time you find yourself not getting your way and having a pity party, try thinking about doing something nice for someone else instead. Leave the party and help a fellow being. You will not only lose your self-pity, you will feel joy. God bless.