Life stories

I have always appreciated the beauty of horses but never owned one until 2006. As a young girl I was fortunate to take lessons on a horse named “Honeyboy”, a beautiful paint gelding. I decided, being a willful young lady, that I would save up my allowance and purchase him. By the time I had saved  maybe $100, my father announced that we were moving – to another state! My young heart was broken. I recovered and after the move forgot about horses for many years.

Fast forward to 2002. While visiting Sequoia National Park with family and friends, we went on a trail ride through the hills. It was fun but not enough to turn me into the crazy horse lady that I am today. There were a few other trail rides on vacations with the same result, no desperate need to own a horse.

In December 2005 at a church silent auction, I bid on an hour session with an Icelandic horse and won. As I was riding this beautiful animal, it hit me. I knew I wanted to pursue riding. The horse’s owner told me that the barn had a regular trainer who could give me lessons. I contacted her and by taking this step, my world had expanded.

By August of 2006 I was in the market for my own horse. Thus began my journey into the equine world. Initially I rode “western” and felt every bit the cowgirl. My husband bought a horse and for a few years we rode together.  We moved our horses to a barn closer to home where I continued to work with a trainer.

One thing you learn and often too late is that choosing the right horse for you is like choosing a mate. You and your horse should have similar or at least compatible personalities. Secondly,  your horse should enjoy whatever riding discipline you are into, be it trail riding, barrel racing, jumping, eventing or dressage. Forcing a horse into a discipline it neither enjoys nor is good at is tantamount to animal cruelty. Strong words but my belief.

Once you find the right partner, there is nothing you can’t do together. It took me three horses to get there. My third horse, Barbie, was the one who got sick last December and passed away in January of this year. That led me to my fourth horse, Ruby, who is even more suited to me. She is a treasure.

Another mistake that many people make with horses is seeing them as a pet, like the dog or cat they have at home. No! If you treat your horse like a pet you are putting yourself in a potentially dangerous position. This is not a 50 or even 100 pound dog but a 900-1200 (average) pound animal that can  put you in the hospital or worse if you do not pay attention and have a healthy respect for it.

What do I love about horses? Their sensitivity to the world around them. The fact that they are prey animals and yet learn to trust humans, a.k.a. predators, to ride on their backs! How much trust is involved in this? One can only imagine.

Horses live in the moment. You won’t catch a horse lamenting over the past or worrying about tomorrow.

They are mentors who teach you how to be present. Horses only know the now.

Horses are used as therapists for the disabled and veterans with PTSD. Successful work with autistic children has also been documented.

Because of their innate sensitivity, you can “cue” your horse while on its back with such subtlety that no one watching will know what you have done. Watch a rider during a dressage performance. The horse will walk, trot, canter, do precise circles of different circumferences, lead changes, transitions, etc. and you will think it was all the horse’s idea and not the rider.

There are moments while riding your horse when you are so in sync that you feel like one creature instead of two. These are the moments riders live for.

Horses are beautiful, spiritual, trusting, generous creatures. You would be blessed to know one.

 

 

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I get the inspiration for my blogs from things that happen to me or lessons I have recently learned that I have yet to share. On Father’s Day my older son and his family came over for a cookout. After dinner we watched a DVD of a comedian named Michael Jr. You probably have not heard of him. I hadn’t either. He is a very funny Christian comedian who actually performed at my grandson’s church on Father’s Day. My son bought his DVD after the performance. I laughed until tears ran down my face. Very funny guy. And clean humor, too. Something rare these days.

The following day I wanted to google him to see if I could find the same DVD. I thought I would purchase it to watch again some time. I found the DVD but also a 30 minute YouTube video which had some new material on it. I was home alone and decided to watch it because I knew it would be funny. It was, until the last ten minutes of the video when he spoke of Jesus.  He used an analogy saying that we are all individual houses and Jesus wants to come into our house.

Let me share with you my religious background. I grew up in a Christian family. My father played the organ and was the choir director at our church which was across the street from our house. My sister and I were in the choir and my mother helped with community functions and rummage sales. (There’s a word you don’t hear anymore!) My sister and I went to Sunday School every Sunday. Only illness would keep us from going.

When we moved from that town (this was outside of Providence, Rhode Island) I was eight years old. We not only left the town, we left the state. We moved to Philadelphia, PA where for a while we attended a Methodist Church.  That fell by the wayside and soon we had stopped going to church altogether. And so it went for many years. There was one summer I attended a Catholic Church with my mother, but just for the summer.

Years later, as an adult, I found the Science of Mind Church in Huntington Beach, CA where my sister had been going for some time. I started going there and have gone to one of their churches every since. I was perfectly happy with their teaching. It was more philosophical and scientific than religious, but it suited me (and my current husband) just fine. Until I listened to Michael Jr.

He guided us through a process. As I began the process, I merely thought of it as interesting and I wanted to see where it would lead. He said that Jesus wants to come into your house but he will not force his way in. Only you have the power to let him in. The doorknob is on your side of the door. He said that most of us open the door a crack, just enough to ask a favor of Him and then we close it again. We don’t want him to see the mess in our house, which, as it turns out, is the mess in our lives. What we don’t realize is that Jesus would gladly come in and help us clean up.

The process continued. It caught me by surprise and before I realized it I was crying. I was crying and then I was letting Jesus into my house! Afterward I contacted my younger son in Oregon who is a Christian. I relayed the story to him. He was very happy, as you can imagine. He said he would be my mentor and anytime I had questions, I should not hesitate to ask. He also gave me assignments. As it turns out, the Bible he wanted me to read (“New Believers” Bible) I already had in my possession. Not that I had ever read it, but I still had it. Incredibly, I was able to locate it. It has been ten years since I last laid eyes on it.

He told me to start with John. Then he also told me to watch the movie, “Son of God” which came out last year. I did. It was a powerful film and very well done. After finishing John, I asked for my next assignment. “What did you learn?” Ah, so I can’t slide, just because it’s my son. And so I told him. “Good. Next I want you to read Romans.” And on it goes.

Ever since this “happened” to me, I have felt differently. Things in my life seem to work themselves out and I am basically happier. I also feel closer to God.

Why am I telling you this? Because it is something significant that happened to me. Because if you haven’t heard Michael Jr. then you should listen to him. If you haven’t seen the movie, “Son of God” you should watch it. It is a beautiful film. Because maybe there is something missing in your life that you just can’t put your finger on. And finally, just so you know that it is okay to go back to something you believed a long, long time ago and start to believe it again, if it feels right.

I remember one Science of Mind minister telling us that Christianity served us well as children. But now that we were adults, we needed to move on to something more. I actually feel the opposite. Science of Mind is a great philosophy. It has many teachings that I believe in and will continue to follow. But clearly it was time I reached for something more. And so I did. And it feels right and it feels good.

Amen. :))

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There was no blog last week. Not because I didn’t feel like it and not because I wasn’t inspired. I left the country! The few days leading up to our trip were so jam packed and stressful that I completely forgot to sit down at my computer and create something interesting to read. I was a crazy person and therefore no blog was written. Mea culpa.

That being said, let me tell you where we went. CUBA! A dream come true, mostly because of my book, “The Story She Had to Tell”, which takes place in Havana, Cuba in the early 1950s. A love story about a young American woman who travels to Cuba after college with a girlfriend. She meets a rich, handsome Cuban at the Tropicana night club and falls in love. The story evolves from there.

Ninety percent of the story is in Cuba. I had to go there. Of course going to the Tropicana was a necessity. Because we went with a tour group, I was concerned about being able to get away for a night. Even if we had free time in the evening, I was aware that we were in a Communist country and our tour had restrictions on what we could do. As it turned out we had two free evenings and were encouraged to go there if we so desired. I desired!

The Tropicana was amazing, even though for the most part it had been brought forward to 2015. I had wanted to go back in time to see what my characters saw and experienced. The show was great and the singers fantastic. All in all I am very glad we went.

There is so much more to tell and not enough room or time to tell it. I am writing a travelogue for the travel agency we used which I will post on FB within the next couple of weeks. If you are not on FB, send me an email and I will send you a link to the travelogue.

Suffice it to say that it was well worth our time and money. The tour operator and our Cuban guide were incredible. Not only was the trip informative but also very entertaining. The Cuban people are warm, welcoming and hard working. The music is fantastic, the food was delicious and our experience invaluable.

If Cuba is on your bucket list, then I highly suggest you contact YMT Vacations. The cost of the trip is very reasonable and you will get back in memories considerably more than you paid.

Below are a few pictures from our trip. Look for my travelogue for more information and highlights of the tour. Cuba is an experience waiting for you.    :))

 

 

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I am currently living my own advice. Tragedy, given enough time, can lead to miraculous and life-affirming changes.  In the beginning, there is only negative. You feel the pain and see no glimmer of light nor is there hope for happiness to return. We all know that even after the harshest winter, spring follows and life is renewed. New beginnings are found in nature but also in our own lives.

It has been five and a half weeks since my precious horse left us. I talked about how time brings hope and happiness – I believed it in my head but my heart was stubborn and could not see past the hurt. Lo and behold, today I experienced real joy again, on my new horse, Ruby. Life looks good. It is perfect and complete. The truth is, it always has been. But weeks ago there was no way I could possibly know that without being a completely enlightened being. I’m afraid I fall very short of that distinction.

We picked up Ruby on Sunday and brought her to the barn, her new home. On Monday my trainer rode her and today I did. She is truly a wonderful horse. She has a good mind, sound body and both a sweet and willing disposition. How did I get so lucky? And how did it happen so fast? As I said to someone recently, I believe Barbie led me to her. I did ask her to do that. There were so many criteria that had to be met – age, price, disposition, mind, soundness, height, etc. She fit them all!

I am back at the barn after a 44 day absence. My tack locker has been cleaned out and new grooming supplies and tack box (different color) have replaced the old ones. The process was bittersweet but bearable which told me that the timing was right.

Riding her today, feeling her under me, made me realize that there is joy after pain. I am happy again. It was both a surprise and a delight. There is a new soul for me to love and care for. Not that I will ever forget Barbie. She will live  in my heart forever. But there is room for a new one. And we will have adventures together and will bond in time. I am grateful and I am truly blessed.

The other exciting news is that my second book, my first novel – “The story she had to tell” is now in production with my publisher. I submitted the final edited manuscript this morning along with the cover which was designed and drawn by my youngest son, Kirin. I am thrilled that he will be a part of it, just as my older son, Otto was a part of my first book by writing the forward.

My life is going well. The road is currently smooth, no bumps, at least no significant ones. But as a spiritual being experiencing life as a human, I know the bumps will come again, and even the boulders. Yup, that’s what we all signed up for.

If your life is bumpy right now, or if there are boulders in your path, have faith. They are not permanent. You will survive and even find joy once again. It is only a matter of time, and an open heart.  :))

 

 

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It feels like I am ready to move on with my life after losing my precious horse, Barbie. I don’t know if this is too soon, if this is merely a break in the grieving and I will be back in the middle of it by next week. I do know that I don’t like being there, in the midst of grieving, that is. And, I don’t think I have ever allowed myself to be there for more than a few days. There is no hope in grieving, you know that? I don’t like being without hope. It doesn’t feel right.

When my father died, I cried but was through it fairly quickly.  I still had my mother. When she passed, again I cried, took a few days off from work, made a  pillowcase out of her nightgown that she wore to the hospital and put it on the small pillow she had in her favorite chair. “A mother pillow” I called it. I made two or three smaller versions for family members. And then I was done. I left the grieving place.

Two cat deaths had me crying and sad, again, for maybe three days. With this last one, I woke up on the third day and couldn’t stand the silence, the overwhelming and painfully obvious lifelessness in my home. I went out and bought two rescue kitties. They filled the void nicely and instantly brought cheer and life back to my abode.

As the grieving process began with Barbie, something was different. I gave myself permission to feel. I allowed myself to experience the loss and all that went with it. It has been 2 1/2 weeks since she passed. I am now looking for my next equine partner. It feels okay to be doing that.

My experience of grieving this time was much different from all other times in my life. It was more honest and real. I allowed myself to be there, in that place where it is very uncomfortable and where there is no hope. Grieving says it’s over. Grieving doesn’t talk about what’s next, the happy times to look forward to. Grieving is about the end of something and how your acceptance is required in order to get to the next stage which is moving on.

I would recommend going through it and not trying to resist. If you fly through it, it will only sneak up on you many times in the future and you will have to deal with it again and again. Best to pack a bag, grab your toothbrush and stay for as long as you need to. And don’t let anyone dictate how long that should be. We are all different and even every grieving experience is different. Stay until you feel you are strong enough to move forward.

Losing people or animals you love is very hard. Divorce, loss of a job, loss of your health, your home – any kind of loss is difficult and calls for a period of grieving. Let your heart tell you what you need.  The first few days I went nowhere. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, except my immediate family. I did almost nothing. I slept a lot. When I felt okay to leave my home to run errands, there would be a time when I felt the need to go back home. It was almost like a panic attack but not quite. I just knew that I had to go home and so I did. Don’t force yourself to do things before you are ready.

When you get to the stage of moving on life has potential which can even translate to excitement and looking forward. That is where the hope comes in and I personally love hope. It’s the possibility of something good. It’s a shift in your perspective to maybe life isn’t all that bad. Maybe smiling today, even laughing, is okay to do. (Insert cliches here.)

Life means change. Change brings loss. Loss calls for grieving. Grieving leads to moving on and being happy, again. It can be a gift to yourself, a time to think only of what is best for you.

Next time you find yourself in a place called grieving, don’t run away. Stay a while. Give yourself permission to be there, as long as it takes. And then move on. It is a way of honoring what was and appreciating what will be.

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As I slowly pull myself out of the hole I have been hiding in, I want to share something with you that filled my heart. Last Saturday, which was exactly one week since I had put down my horse, I was talking with my husband who was standing in front of the mirror in his bathroom. As I looked past him and out the small window I saw something that stirred my soul. We have four rosebushes right outside the window and only once in the two years they have been there have I ever seen a rose. That’s one rose, ever. On this day, at this time, I looked out the window and saw a single, bright pink rose, lifting its face to the sky. I must tell you that my horse’s “color” was pink. Her halter, her lead rope, her brushes, my tack box, her buckets and the show shirt I wore twice when we went to dressage shows in 2013. Pink symbolizes Barbie to me and it is the only thing that comes to mind when I see that color.

I smiled all the way to my heart and walked outside to see it up close. I sent a picture of it to my trainer, the former owner of Barbie, the one who shared the most horrible day with me. And then I cut it, brought it inside and put it in a white milk glass vase. If you look below you will see the rose attached and then in a vase. The picture in the vase was 24 hours later. It seemed that every hour the rose would open a little more. It is truly the most beautiful and fragrant rose I have ever seen.

When you are experiencing life at its very depths, when you are angry with God for what has happened to you, when the “why’s?” go unanswered, wait. Tough it out and wait. Time brings hope, it brings love, and your heart will surely be filled once again.

That afternoon I began looking online for my next horse. I actually found myself getting excited at the prospect of a new friend. I asked Barbie to send me the perfect horse, one that she would approve of. I found one that I was very interested in. It just so happens that my trainer’s trainer has been working with this horse for several years and knows it well. She thinks it would be a perfect horse for me. I am going to see it on Friday. We’ll see. I am cautiously optimistic but also wary. Maybe this is too soon. I am hoping I will know when I meet the horse, a gelding this time.

Painful times come to all of us. It is a fact of life. I practice telling others how to deal with them. Wisdom that comes from experience. I had no idea one of those times was waiting outside my door to strike. But now for the first time since it happened, I feel hopeful that everything will be all right. I knew this intellectually but now I know it in my heart. Barbie will live there, inside my heart. I will talk with her and know that she will always be watching me as I continue my journey on horseback.

Be patient with yourself. Know at the very core of your being that you will be happy again. And when you see a special rose in your garden, or some other sign, smile. Let the love in your heart fill you up and then say a quiet “thank you” to the Universe. You are not alone, ever.

 

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Years ago I was dating a man who didn’t believe in God. When I asked him why he said that at one point in his life he was suffering greatly. He prayed regularly, asking for relief, comfort, positive change. He got nothing. And so, he concluded, there is no God. Being such a strong believer, I found it hard to understand. How can you not believe in God?

If any of you are with me on Facebook, you know that last Saturday I had to put down my sweet horse, Barbie. This was my first experience in putting down any animal, let alone a horse. It was the most painful day I have had in many, many years. She had been ill since Christmas, but we initially thought it was cramps from her cycle, something which often made her so uncomfortable that she would lie down and not eat for a few days. Banamine and hand walking were what got her through it. A vet call after things did not improve showed dehydration induced impaction. Ah, thank goodness, I thought, this can be fixed. A few days later with no improvement necessitated another vet call, different vet. He looked at her gums and without blinking said, “This horse needs to go to the hospital, now!” Endotoxemia was his initial diagnosis .

During this very frightening time, I prayed a lot. I posted on FB and asked my friends to share. There were many people, some who didn’t even know her, praying for Barbie’s recovery. There was surgery, a final diagnosis of enteritis (inflammation of the small intestine), antibiotics, tubing for the refluxing she was doing every few hours, IV fluids to replace the liquids she was losing, constant surveillance, taking vitals, poking, prodding, misery.

And then I saw the possibility of no recovery. I pleaded with God that if she was not going to make it, I wanted him to take her. Please don’t make me kill my horse! I thought this was a fair compromise. How could I put down such a beautiful and young (age 12) horse who had become my perfect partner? A horse I completely trusted and who trusted me?

The prayers went unanswered, my compromise offer refused, and I had to make the terrible decision to put down a friend that I loved beyond measure. And that’s when it happened. I became angry with God. I know that everything happens for a reason. What’s the reason here? How do I benefit, long term, from doing this? And how does Barbie benefit from dying at age 12? It makes no sense to me and I am one who can handle just about anything if it makes sense. There was nothing about this that made sense.

And so I am still angry with Him. I don’t remember ever being angry with God. That may sound strange. I suppose there are people who are angry with Him a lot. I never had a reason to be, until now. I suppose this feeling will go away eventually. I think about others who have experienced life altering tragedies. It happens every day. I have been very fortunate. My life has been blessed. Both of my parents died in the hospital but my mother was 87 and my father was 69, not old by any means, but he had cancer and had been very sick for almost a year.

My precious cat, Angel, died three years ago of cancer, but she was 15 and she died in my lap. I didn’t have to put her down. I have had many struggles, times of misery (read my memoir “For Dear Life”), but never before have I been angry with God.

I believe it is quite natural to occasionally rage against your situation, blaming God for not giving you an answer to the big question “Why?” Some of us can figure out the why down the road, when the big picture is visible. Others, may never figure it out.

When my children are going through tough times, and both of them have faced serious challenges, I say to them, “This is not your life. This is only a chapter. Things will change. They always do. You will survive this.” And then I write in my blogs and books that when things happen that we label “bad”, it is because we are looking though a keyhole and can only see a small part of the picture. With time, the keyhole gets bigger and bigger and then the door opens and you see it all. Only then do you get to understand. Why can’t I take my own advice?

Because I am in the middle of it. The tough time belongs to me. Next time you are angry with God, don’t beat yourself up. He can take it. And with a little time, you will soften and find your place in the universe again. Then you will look up and say, “I forgive you, God. Help me move on.”

This is Life. It’s what you signed up for. There will be good stuff, bad stuff, great stuff and terrible stuff. To be alive means you agree to all of it. Learning to deal with the hard times will make you stronger. It’s the only way you will ever grow.

I think I feel a little better now. :))

 

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This was a saying I heard from my maternal grandmother when I was growing up. She said it often. I never got the nuances of its meaning until years later as an adult when I went through some pretty tough times. And then her voice would ring loud and clear in my ear and I would smile. Yes, Mina. You were right. Life is not for the faint of heart.

As most of you know, my beloved horse, Barbie, has been sick since Christmas Day and in the hospital since New Year’s Day. Yes, holidays and weekends – worst possible time for anyone or any animal, especially horses, to get sick. She was operated on last Sunday where they discovered she had enteritis. In common language, this is an inflammation of the small intestine. All they could do was to “milk” it, or massage it, getting out anything that was blocking the pathway. The surgery lasted an hour. I waited there most of the day, along with Barbie’s previous owner who is also my trainer. She loves this horse every bit as much as I do. She went through Barbie’s major colic surgery about six years ago.

After an hour in recovery, she walked back to her isolation stall, a distance of maybe 500 feet. We were amazed to see this girl walking and very steadily I might add. As she cleared the building she looked straight over to where we were standing as if to say, “Are you still here?” We were told to be quiet so as not to startle what might be an unsteady horse. About ten minutes after she was back in her stall, we were allowed to see her. Half-way down the path to her she must have seen us as she started to whiny – twice – I guess once for each one of us. She sounded funny because she still had the nasal tube down her throat but was definitely acknowledging that she heard us and was glad that she was not alone. The Vet said many horses need that comfort after awakening from anesthesia.

It was a long day and although the subsequent days have been much shorter, I find myself exhausted by the time I return home after my visit. I call every morning at 9:30 (after the doctor has finished rounds) to check on her progress. As I dial the number to the hospital I can feel the anxiety build. Although she is progressing very well, I am still afraid of what I might hear.

Today the thought struck me, “It’s a great life if you don’t weaken!”  I had almost forgotten. In times of stress it serves me well to remember this piece of wisdom from my grandmother. Sometimes life can be hard. It can really mess with your equilibrium. You go from an involved participant, active and accomplishing your daily tasks to all but shut down. Nothing gets done except what is critical for your survival and sometimes even that suffers. You have to keep reminding yourself that you can do this. You can handle it. Don’t give into the negative thoughts surrounding your head, looking for a place to enter and destroy the pieces of hope and optimism floating inside. Be strong. Believe you will get through this, because you will.

As things get better with my horse, I find room in my day to get little things accomplished – go to the dry cleaner, pick up cat food for the sanctuary, buy that belated birthday card for my brother-in-law, check out a new place for a pedicure. Wow! That was a lot! Yesterday I could only do one thing – go to the hospital to see my girl. Life is slowly resuming. Days are almost feeling normal again.

I forgot to mention in my last blog that in addition to being kind to yourself and focusing on what demands your attention, ESCAPE! When possible, dive into a good book, go to the movies, watch mindless television. Give yourself permission to stop worrying for short periods of time. It will allow your body’s reserves to build up for whatever comes next.

You are strong. You were made with the ability to handle whatever comes your way. Trust your inner warrior.  And then frolic  in the playground on the other side until it’s time to get serious again, to be a responsible adult. Everything that you left undone will still be waiting for you when you are ready to handle it.

It’s a great life if you don’t weaken. Indeed.  Now I think I’m going to lie on the couch and watch “Rehab Addict”. :))

 

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I am late in writing this. Not later than some other times, but late for my usual deadline. Since Christmas Day my horse has been sick, and last night we had to put her in the hospital. As of this morning she is improving slowly but definitely not out of the woods yet.

She is a brave girl indeed. Last night, in an outdoor stall, in 46 degree weather, she stood for an hour as three different doctors poked and prodded her, just shy of humiliation. They started a catheter through which they initially took blood for a CBC plus other tests. They tubed her (a very long plastic tube is put through her nose and pushed until it reaches the stomach.) She then refluxed (a term like throwing up for horses but it comes out of the nose – they can’t throw up) five gallons of fluid that had been sitting on her stomach. (I know, TMI – sorry). Her heart rate was elevated to the danger level and her kidney levels were dangerously high. This was due to dehydration. Her initial diagnosis was endotoxemia which was explained to me as bad bacteria taking over the good bacteria in her gut. It can range from serious but treatable to death, in some cases.

She had an ultrasound (twice – once last night and once this morning), something called a “belly tap”, also twice, temp taken and x-rays. (Do I hear “ka-ching”?)  For the ultrasound they poured cold rubbing alcohol on her side and underbelly. Remember I said it was 46 degrees? She stood there, like the strong mare she is and let the doctors do their bidding. She had been through something similar many years ago in conjunction with colic surgery. This girl was no novice. I was filled with admiration for her, nevertheless.  She gave no one a hard time but stood there like a good soldier. I think she knew they were trying to help her. But it still broke my heart.

When we left the hospital last night, (We were there from 5:45- 8:15) we were told she would get IV fluids all night to combat the dehydration. Things could go in any direction. They would call me with any big changes. Thankfully I got no phone calls. This morning I was told she was on the path to recovery. I went to see her (picture below). I told her a horse story and played music for her on my phone. She liked the music.

The reason I am talking about this is to remind you what it’s like when life happens in the middle of your plans. Suddenly, nothing else is important or relevant. Things that would normally call for your attention are falling on deaf ears. You push everything aside (except for eating and sleeping) to concentrate on the issue at hand. I know you have all experienced this, but I had forgotten until it happened to me last night. First time in a long time.

Friends pop out of the woodwork to help you. (Barn people are like that; horse people in general) I am humbled and so very grateful for the help and prayers we have gotten so far. It warms my heart. It was dark at the barn last night. The Vet was leaving. It was just me and my husband and the horses. We had to find a way to get her to the hospital. (I don’t have a trailer.) My trainer, who has a trailer, was out of town. One of my friends from the barn called me (when she found out) and said, “Give me a few minutes to change my clothes. I’ll be right there. We will get her to the hospital.” I don’t even know her that well. How amazing is that? Wonderful people surround me.

When life trips you up, step back. Do what has to be done. Place all of your focus where it needs to be. Be extra kind to yourself. Don’t forget to eat and get rest and/or sleep whenever possible. Say your prayers and ask others for theirs. Trust that all will be well. And if it isn’t, trust that you will survive.

My wish for you is a Happy New Year, filled with only bumps in the road, and few, if any, boulders. :))

p.s.  What she has on her mouth is to keep her from pushing out the tubing that remains in her nose, as well as to keep her from eating anything.

 

 

 

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I’m going to be sexist here for a minute. I think women, more than men,  have the greater imaginations when it comes to interpreting what is going on around them. If a man runs into an old friend and the friend keeps it short then leaves abruptly, the man does not go home thinking, “Gee, Bob used to be so friendly. I wonder if I did something to offend him.” No, the man is much more practical and won’t think anything of it. He will go home and forget about the encounter immediately. He might even call the man later to ask him out to a  baseball or basketball game.

Women are far more complex than that. If a woman runs into an old friend who dismisses her and leaves abruptly, she will probably run the scene over and over in her mind later, trying to figure out why the woman was so short with her. And then her imagination will fill in all the blanks!

Just recently I have been guilty of this myself. I will give you two examples. A new friend I had invited to our Vow Renewal did not answer the two emails I sent to her a few weeks before the event. And then she did not show up although she had rsvp’d. I was convinced that she was no longer a friend and that I had inadvertently done or said something to offend her. I decided to let it go and let her go. “One friend gone,” I thought to myself. Weeks later I heard from her via email. She explained why she had not answered my previous emails and why she had not been able to attend our Vow Renewal. She had perfectly legitimate reasons. My bad! My imagination was running rampant to my disadvantage.

Second example – another friend stopped contacting me for weeks. When I contacted her and she seemed dismissive, I decided she did not want to be my friend any longer. In my mind I released her and let her go, wishing her well. I heard from her yesterday as if nothing had happened! What???

I don’t know why I fall into this trap so often. Perhaps it is because I have this amazing imagination – hmm, that might be why I am a writer! I can’t even begin to tell you what this imagination of mine comes up with on a daily, sometimes hourly basis. It can be embarrassing even to me and I live with it!

Word of advice – don’t let your imagination go unbridled to ruin your day – or your life! It does happen, you know. What you imagine can ruin your  relationships. This is serious stuff. Next time your imagination tries to convince you that something bad is about to happen, or that your loved one is against you, etc.,  look at the facts. Lay them all out and come to a conclusion. Chances are the conclusion you come to will not be in agreement with your imagination. Whew! Saved once more by logic!

Imagination can be a wonderful, beneficial tool when used constructively, like writing a book or creating anything. It can also get you into a lot of trouble when allowed to lead you astray. This happens in marriages much too often. I catch myself creating stories about my husband’s motives that are not even remotely based on truth. Bad Sarah. :((

Next time you start imagining the worst in a situation or person, look at the facts first, look at the logic, look at past events or past behaviors that are relevant. In other words, walk slowly to that conclusion, don’t leap. You could hurt yourself!

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