Author: Sarah Tauber

On motherly love

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

I recently listened to someone describe motherly love as “fierce”. I couldn’t agree more. I am sure there are exceptions. All mothers are not the same, even in how they love their children. I tend to be of the fierce loving kind. I have two sons whom I love with an unrelenting devotion. This brings me to another thought about motherly love. A phrase I heard not that long ago – “You can only be as happy as your least happy child.”  I pondered that briefly when I first heard it. Is it true for me? Oh, yes!

Both of my sons were married once before to wonderful women but not the right women for them. The divorces were not only ugly but very painful for all involved. Fortunately my sons were not going through their pain at the same time. I would have been a wreck! My oldest went through it first. He was at the lowest point I had ever witnessed. I could not bring myself to feel joy while he was suffering. It just wasn’t going to happen.

Years later my youngest son went through a similar pain. He even lived with us for a short time. That was hard. I saw the hurt in his eyes every day. I heard it in his voice. I watched him slowly disappear into himself. It was a difficult time for both of us.

Fortunately both of them survived and as they say, thrived. Both met and married women who were better matches for them and are now the happiest I have ever known them to be. And this truly fills my heart.

So why are we as mothers unable to feel complete happiness if one of our children is suffering? This should be obvious, right? I am sure there are wonderful mothers out there who can still manage happiness even when one or more of their children is in pain. This has to be the case. Are they stronger than we are? Are they more rational? Are they more trusting that all will be well in the end? Perhaps. And that hits on something that we mothers of the first kind (the ones who suffer) should give more thought to. Trusting. We should trust that our children will recover from this painful experience, whatever it is, even grow from it, and come out on the other end a stronger, better version of themselves. How hard would that be for us to do?  Good question.

I have talked about trust before. It is an invaluable tool at our disposal any time we need it. Trusting that all will be well can be challenging especially when everything in front of our eyes speaks to the contrary. But that is exactly when we need this tool the most.

Our children are extensions of ourselves. They are pieces of our heart that have broken free but we can feel them as if they were still within us. Maybe that’s the reason we cannot be happier than our least happy child. Our children are not completely separate, ever, for many of us mothers. You might as well stick us with a pin, we feel the pain the same way, even if it is our child who is the recipient.  As we all know, people have different tolerance levels for pain. That could explain the reason not all mothers are the same when it comes to the suffering of their children.

The mothers in my life, my own mother who has passed, my sister, my relatives, my close friends, are all cut from the same cloth. For better or worse, we are only as happy as our least happy child. My sons know that about me and I think it brings us closer. They know they are never alone in their pain. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m a mother. It’s what I do. I’m fierce.  :))

Sneak peek at my new book – “The story she had to tell” – A novel

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

 

 

Her eyes opened slowly.  She was lying in her bed, under the warmest of covers, with lots of soft pillows around her and under her head.  The room was peacefully decorated, pale green walls, like the color of pistachio ice cream.  There were light flowing curtains, the colors of which complemented the room.  A window above her head looked out into the back yard.  A large oak took up most of the view.

She had been blissfully sleeping until the sunlight poured into her room, flooding the bed and her face with a warm glow.  Being awake or being asleep was practically the same for her.  She rarely left her bed anymore.  She was dying, at least it felt to her that way.  This was not something to feel badly about, you see Madeleine had turned 85 on her last birthday.  Hardly an age where anyone would say “Such a shame!  She was gone before her time!”

Madeleine had lived a long and very colorful life with many adventures.  Her life had brought her both tragedy and triumph, and all sorts of things in between.  You know, your typical human story, or not.  Madeleine’s life was definitely of the “or not” kind.

As she lay there, a smile crept over her face.  “I have had a good, long life,” she thought to herself.  “It is time to move on to the next adventure.”  And then she began looking back over her life as it unfolded before her.  She had so many stories to tell.  Maybe she should tell them to someone who could put them down on paper?  It was a unique life, one that people would surely be interested in.  But who could she get to tell the story?

She began thinking about who would be up for the task.  After all, she had lived almost a century.  How much of this life was worth writing about?  She had a friend, a much younger friend, who was a writer.  If she had the time, maybe her friend could do this.  Of course she would have to be paid for her time.  That would not be a problem.  Madeleine had not spent much of her money over the last several years.  She had enough saved up to pay for several ghost writers, let alone just one.  The decision had been made.  She would call her friend Heidi and ask her if she had the time and the interest to tell the story of Madeleine’s life.  And that is exactly what she did on this very day when the sun had awakened her from her blissful sleep.

“Heidi, this is Madeleine.  I have a favor to ask of you.”  “Of course,”, her friend answered.  “What do you want?  Do you need me to come see you?”  Heidi did not live in the same town, or even the same state, but she was not so far away that she couldn’t come see her friend on short notice.  “Well,” said Madeleine, “Here’s the thing.  You know I have no idea how much longer I will be around.  I think back on my life and I have had some very interesting adventures.  It might be a good idea to write a book about them.  I would like to tell my story.  Would you be interested in taking it down for me?  Even with glasses my eyes don’t work the way they used to.  Maybe you could record it and then turn it into a book?  You could stay here at the house with me, or go back and forth every week or so.  I would take care of all of your expenses, plus pay you for your time.  What do you think?  Do you have time to do this for me? Does it sound like something you might want to do?”   Heidi took a moment to think about it.  What did she have going on in her life right now?  She had lived on her own since her husband passed away a few years before.  She had struggled since then with what to do with her life.  Her children were grown with busy lives of their own.  She saw them regularly but it was not enough to fill a life.  She volunteered at the local animal shelter, but that was only twice a week.  She had not written anything since her husband died.  She had lost all motivation.  This opportunity ignited something inside of her that felt right.  It would be fun to spend time with an old friend, have a change of scenery and write again,  write again.  Maybe this was just what she needed to feel invigorated, to feel needed.  Why not?  “I’ll do it!” she said.  “When do we start?”

Madeleine was thrilled.  “That’s wonderful!” she said.  “This will be great fun.  I am so happy that you said ‘yes’.  It means a lot to me, Heidi.  When can you come down?”  “How about Friday afternoon?  I will take a cab from the airport, so don’t worry about that.  I could be at your house by early evening.  We can order in and start making a plan.”  “Terrific”, replied Madeleine.   As each of them hung up the phone they both felt a warmth in their hearts that had until recently been absent.  Madeleine’s eyes filled with tears.  “This was a good idea, she thought.  Now I can tell the story of my life so that even people who do not know me will know about me and the wonderful life I have lived.  “A life lived well, I would say.”

And that is how it all began.  It started with the idea of a dying woman with a desire to tell her story.

 

STAY TUNED!  BOOK SHOULD BE OUT BY THE SPRING OF NEXT YEAR!

“Awakening the Warrior Within”

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

In June of this year a woman made an announcement at our church that she would be offering a workshop on awakening your inner warrior. I was intrigued. It immediately struck a cord within me and I hear a voice inside say “You have to do this.” I didn’t really give my husband a chance to voice his opinion, I was determined to do it. (Well, there was some waffling on my part before a full commitment was made, but I recovered from that and quickly signed up.)

I initially thought that this workshop would help me create an inner warrior – someone inside me who would help me fight my battles, real or imagined. I believed that  after I created this inner warrior, I would be one of a minority of people who had one. On the first day of the two day workshop it became very clear to me that we all have an inner warrior! You don’t have to create one, it is already there! The problem is it is fast asleep in most of us, including me.

Why am I talking about this in my blog, you ask? Because it changed my life, for the better, of course. Because it changes the lives of anyone who takes the training. How? It teaches you that your real ally in fighting battles is not your brain but your gut, your “belly brain”. Having discussions in your head, debating the pros and cons of circumstances removes you from the immediate need to take action. By the time you have figured out what you should do, you are already on the ground, defeated!

This was big news for me, a gal who lives very comfortably in her head, 24/7, always have. I thought that was the part of me that was my protector, defender, savior, you name it. Well, having a good brain is definitely a positive, but in certain situations it is better to lead with your gut. This is not the time to think things through – this is the time to act!

The workshop is a combination of martial arts (no prior training is required) and spiritual work. By the end of the second day you feel amazing because not only have you awakened your inner warrior but you have used it to survive! And then you realize you have immense inner strength, courage and the ability to handle just about anything that may come your way. It boosts your self esteem, your confidence and your pride, all in just two days. Pretty amazing, right?

Below was taken from their flyer which advertises their next workshop. I would normally not use my blog to promote anything, other than my own books, perhaps! But I believe so strongly in the value derived from this workshop that I wanted to get it out there.  You cannot put a price on the value it will bring into your life, something that will live with you forever.

Check out the flyer, contact me if you have questions or contact Dawn Callan directly. She is the leader of the workshop.  Her email and telephone number are listed on the flyer.  You cannot go through this training without feeling more of who you were meant to be. I promise. Thank you for listening.  :))

 

 

 

                      Awakening the Warrior Within

 A two-day workshop in Fallbrook October 11 & 12, 2014.

Combining ancient spiritual technology with a cutting-edge self-defense system the workshop guides you to that deep reservoir of awareness, courage and presence that is your Inner Warrior.

Awakening the Warrior Within connects you with your own power and the use of that power to heal old fears and limiting beliefs.

The self-defense system gives you the awareness to accurately assess a situation, read the physical, mental and emotional climate, walk away when appropriate, negotiate when necessary, and protect yourself when there is no other choice.

      Step into your own power

Break through to courage and awareness

Heal self-doubt and find self-trust

Learn to trust your instincts

Learn simple and effective self-defense skills

Learn to act with 100% commitment

Dawn Callan, 10th degree black belt, author, Life-Counselor, Security Consultant and Founder of Transformative Arts Institute, teaches the workshop.

The cost of the workshop is $495.00.

 

“I am the advanced training officer in a department of over 400 officers. In two decades of being a cop this is the best training I have found anywhere.” Mark E. Jenkins Seattle WA

“I was astonished to find that it set in motion in me a new way of seeing myself in relation to others.  I find I approach others more confidently and with more ease.  I am more assertive, and less avoidant of difficult conversations.  I’m a psychologist and I wish all my patients would take this course! Dan Quinn PhD. Clinical Psychologist

Our signature is transformation    The changes are powerful and permanent.

 

dawncallan@att.net                 760-859-7271

“In sickness and in health…”

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

Okay, so you know that my husband recently had his right shoulder completely replaced. Now we are home in the mending stage. This is no simple task. Pain pills must be taken, sometimes halved, dinners prepared and dishes washed. Sleeping is a challenge, for both of us. Initially it meant driving to and from places, long, far away places sometimes. Now he is starting to drive on his own. Assistance is required in getting him dressed and for the first 5 days, bathing. Then opening of pill bottles, pouring of drinks, etc. etc. etc.  “Sweetheart, could you please…….?”

My usually very independent husband has not been so independent lately.  I am also independent, used to taking care of myself. Now I am taking care of both of us. It was reminiscent of having a small child around again, one that depended on you for almost everything. I found myself getting irritable, short tempered, forcing myself to bite my tongue. I did pretty well, all things considered.

This is a very small inconvenience compared to what thousands of spouses and partners deal with every day, and for much longer periods of time. My mother did, for one, during the eight months my father lived with cancer. She had absolutely no life during that time. I can’t even imagine what that would be like. These people are heroic in their selflessness. I have great respect for them. It is not an easy job and requires saint like qualities which are either already there or must be quickly developed.

My situation is nothing compared to theirs, but it did offer me a glimpse. You see in marriage it is easy to live your day to day lives when all is well and running smoothly. (Sound familiar?) A relationship, marriage or otherwise, is truly tested in times of struggle and stress, when you are called upon to give more than you normally do, to give up having it your way more often than you are used to,  and to bring forth the patience of Job, when that is not who you are. And to do all of this with a smile on your face, compassion in your heart and love on your lips.

“In sickness and in health..” is not just a catchy phrase in your marriage vows that isn’t ever going to happen – it WILL happen. On your wedding day when you hear those words, wait, no, most of us aren’t even listening to the words, are we? Our minds are elsewhere, at the reception, thinking about how happy we are, thinking that we are finally getting married.  And then one day the sickness part shows up and we are thrown for a loop. Nobody told me there would be times that required me to carry the load! By myself? I didn’t sign up for this! (Excuse me?  Yes, you did sign up for it. Put on your big girl/boy pants and deal with it, gracefully and lovingly. It’s all part of marriage, which you freely chose.)

I can already see in my situation that things are getting better. I’m on it now. I’ve got this.  This too shall pass. But it won’t be the last time. We are older now. Things happen as we age. We need each other more. We lean on each other more. Yes, that is what I signed up for. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s called ‘Love’ and there is nothing greater. Now go do something nice for your spouse/partner that they could easily do for themselves, just because you want to.  :))

Sitting in a hospital waiting room

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

Written July 30, 2014

I am at Saddleback Hospital. I have been here since 5:30 this morning. My husband Bill is going into surgery now for a complete shoulder replacement. He has been waiting a long time for this.  He has been in pain for a couple of years and it has gotten progressively worse. I am so glad he is finally having it done. Thank God for modern medicine.

Hopefully he will be able to come home tomorrow. I thought I would take this waiting room time to write my blog. What should the topic be? Faith? Compassion? Patience? (pun unintended). All of the above?

Faith – I begin with a belief that all will go well. I start here because starting from any other position would be an expression of negativity and that is not who I am. Faith that all is well has gotten me through many trials. You know the expression “I’ll believe it when I see it”? Well author and motivational speaker Wayne Dyer puts it differently, “You will see it when you believe it!” In other words, the belief precedes the manifestation. If you don’t believe you deserve love, for example, it probably won’t find its way to you. This is sad, tragic even, because we all deserve love.

If you believe good is for other people and not you, that only bad things happen to you, you will certainly attract the “bad” just as you predicted. Of course the opposite is true. Expect good. This does not mean that your life will be perfect or that misfortune will never find you. It means that whatever happens, in the long run, you will be okay and good will return.

Compassion – In a hospital setting, it means realizing that others are there with just as serious or more serious issues than you have. Be compassionate with them. Be comforting if spoken  to, smile at them. Be understanding of their behavior. They are probably in pain. Be compassionate with yourself as well.

(Sidebar – The young man who shared a room with my husband was in for a hip replacement. He had been in a horrific car accident many years before where another facility had botched his hip surgery. He was now finally getting it repaired so that it would function for him. But that is not all. The accident not only crushed his skull, destroyed one of his feet, broke ribs, but it left him blind. This man was only two years older than my youngest son! He had been studying to become an EMT and then he was going to volunteer for the Coast Guard so that he could rescue others. I guess God had another plan for him. This young man had an amazing attitude, was gracious and friendly, humble and polite. My heart went out to hm. He went home the same day my husband did and was happy to be doing so as his birthday was the next day and he hoped to spend it at home.  He was such an amazing young man. )

Patience – Waiting in hospitals is challenging at best. It is tedious, boring, scary, anxiety provoking, difficult, painful and tiring. Be patient with the process. Not unlike sitting in traffic on the freeway, there is nothing you can do. Well, you can fight it (to no avail) or decide to make the best of it (better decision). An even better choice would be to do something useful with your time – like writing your blog! (Not while driving, but you can come up with ideas. I do that all the time!)

So, if you find yourself in a hospital waiting room, have faith that all will go well. Be compassionate toward other “waiters” and be patient. The hours will go by and the day will come to an end. What seems like forever will soon become a memory. And while you are at it, expect good. Try doing that every day. Watch it change your life.

Update: my husband’s surgery went very well. He came home yesterday and is expected to have a speedy and complete recovery.  We are both very grateful. :))

Using your mind to push through

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

I know that in an earlier blog I said that when your body tells you it’s time to rest, you should give yourself permission to do so. However, when your mind is talking,  you can often push through it to do what you wanted or needed to do. I think you probably know the difference. If you have been sick, or did not get much sleep, or it is the day after you physically overexerted yourself, you might be smart to give yourself a break and take it easy, especially if you are over 40, like me. :))  Even if you are older, there are times when the situation calls for your action, but your body is resisting and your mind is telling you “I can’t. I’m too tired.” These are the times when you can overrule your mind and say “I can!” My husband, a former Marine, refers to it as “pushing through”. It might be pushing through the pain, or pushing through the desire to lie down and do nothing.  He does it often. It’s one of the things I admire about him. He has taught me by example how to do it myself.

The strange thing is, when you push yourself to do the thing you want or need to do, the energy seems to come out of nowhere and you do not feel the least bit tired while doing it! We recently had a wedding in our family, my eldest son. We had out of town family coming and all of the men stayed at our house overnight and most of the next day, which happened to be the wedding day. I am retired and used to a quiet house with just me, my husband and our two cats. Occasionally we have dinner guests, rarely overnight guests, but when we do, there are only two of them and they are generally older, like us. This time, we had six overnight guests ranging in age from 11 (grandson) to 41, and all but one of them was male!

Needless to say, the day of the wedding it was pretty chaotic. My son’s half brother visiting from Tennessee was gracious enough to make breakfast for everyone, which was amazing. Everyone arose at different times, of course, so some meals had to be warmed up. No big deal. Then there were the showers! Eight showers were taken at our home that day. That means eight bath towels were used and lots and lots of water. I digress.

My energy demands came on Thursday when I picked up my youngest son and his wife at the airport who flew in from Oregon. We lunched and then the rest of the gang came over that night (night before the wedding). There was dinner to plan, purchase and make as well as cleaning up after. Wednesday night, not much sleep, too excited. Thursday night got to bed late. Friday evening we packed as we were staying at a hotel near the wedding.  Wedding was really, really wonderful and fun. Lots of family and friends. Beautiful ceremony.  Next day we drove home and then Sunday night my daughter-in-law and son (youngest ones) came over with her parents, whom we love, for dinner. Another meal to plan, purchase and make. Dinner table to set. She called, “Can I bring my sister?” Of course! (Super cool lady.) One more! No problem!

Monday, all day, I had things to do but I was alone. Everyone had left. My young son and his wife flew back to Oregon in the early morning. I was sad to have them all go away but needed the quiet. I had things I had to do like clean up from Sunday night, do laundry, pay bills, etc. Where would I get the energy to do these things? Mind over matter, or rather, mind over body, something I very much believe in.

You can do it, too. Ignore the mind that says you can’t, and do what you need or want to do. Warning – if your body is talking, LISTEN TO IT! But if it is just your mind that wants you to do nothing and there is no good reason to listen to it, just push through. You will be amazed at what your body can do when your mind backs it up. It can even heal itself. But that is another blog for another time.  :))

 

Celebrating Love

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

My young son and his wife arrive here from Oregon tomorrow. They are coming for the wedding of my older son. Both of my sons have met and have either married or are about to marry the most amazing women. If I could have designed these women from scratch, I would not have come up with anything nearly as wonderful as my sons did. And isn’t that the best we as parents can hope for? What joy it brings me to know that both of my children are happy in their lives. We all know about curve balls, but when you have a loving partner it makes it that much easier to handle the tough times.

Their first marriages were to good, strong, intelligent women. Unfortunately, they were not the right women for these two men. Marriage is tough, and unless you have a strong foundation, a solid friendship with respect, you cannot weather the storms that will inevitably show up.  My grandchildren came from these women. All five of them are smart, curious, loving and happy children.  And all boys! I love them equally and am proud to be related to them.

Getting married before you are ready usually ends up with a separation or divorce. Both of my sons tried but failed to make it work. Both of my sons made mistakes but did the best they could at the time with what they had. Despite the fact that all parties involved tried, the final result was painful and sad. I have been there myself and I know how difficult and challenging it is.

But life goes on and you hope for better times. In the case of my two sons, the better times came in the form of perfect partners. The upcoming wedding is on Friday evening and I know it will be a wonderful, joyful and love-filled occasion. Family and close friends will be attending.  Their children will take part in the ceremony and help to celebrate the beginning of a new life together. There will be music and dancing,  food and drink and laughter. I am counting on lots of laughter. I have been excited for weeks now about the wedding and having both of my sons together in the same room.  It’s like Christmas time!

If you are going through a difficult period in your life, know this – it is not who you are.  It is not the definition of your life, but merely a chapter. Time will bring change. It always does. You can count on it. Nothing stays the same. The chapter will finish and a new chapter will begin. Know in your heart that just around the corner is something good and beautiful for you. Trust that it is coming, even if it takes longer than you wish. Believe in the good that you deserve and welcome it when it gets to you.

Weddings are wonderful reminders that love and joy are real. They are not exclusive but are there for everyone. Be grateful when they find their way to you.  Be patient, trust and when it comes, celebrate the wonder that is love!

Living with the chaos

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

I like order. It makes me feel in control of my life. But as we all know, life is not always neat and tidy, even with our greatest efforts to keep it so. Sometimes chaos slips in when we least expect it and we are thrown out of our orderly world and into one that makes us want to run and hide until it has left. Sound familiar? We should get used to it but we never do. We should expect it to come around occasionally but we forget about it when it is gone, convincing ourselves it will never come back. After all, we weren’t exactly welcoming!

My life currently is an example of unwanted chaos. Nothing heavy, mind you, but nevertheless an unwanted guest who is messing things up as I try to put them neatly into place. Now that I am retired I have a busier schedule than I did when I was working. (You may have heard this from other retirees.) Well, it’s  true! There is so much to do and now we finally have the time to do it! Usually on Sunday I lay out the coming week, day by day, with things that either need to get done or that I simply want to do. So on Sunday, before my son and his fiancé came over with my two grandsons, he asked if the youngest could stay with me for a few days. I don’t get to see him often and he is a sweet child, so of course! He would stay three nights and leave on Wednesday. Certainly! It will be fun! I really felt that way but inside my head my organizing brain was saying what about this and what about that? When will you do this? How can you rearrange for that? All fixable, it just added a little disorganization to my organization.

Then an unexpected visit of my niece who lives in Oregon. Not to my house, but her visit brought with it the need to go see her while she was here. When? Well she was staying with her brother, about an hour plus from our house, so maybe (it was originally thought) we could all meet at his house for dinner one night. That could easily be worked out. My sister (her mother) lives about an hour in the opposite direction, so this would be half-way for both of us. Not in the cards. My niece’s son was with her to attend a football camp about 45 minutes from my nephew’s house. (In a different direction altogether)  There would be games my niece would want to attend. That took care of the evenings. On Saturday, the day before they were leaving to go back to Oregon and the day of more football games, my sister had a hair appointment which she would now have to cancel as she would be involved with her daughter and grandson. We share a hairdresser, an hour from my house. I needed to change my original hair appointment so maybe I could take hers? But then when do I see my niece? It was finally decided, after much calculating and logistical thought, that my husband and I would drive to my sister’s house Saturday night for dinner, after all games were completed.

Oh, that is not all! I was planning lunch with an old friend for one afternoon (lives an hour from me), and a meeting with another friend that was to be in the evening one night this week. Those were finally scheduled. Oh, yes, and I am trying to plan a big family gathering which involves catering, music, invitations, etc. and a short trip to Oregon next month.  I think we are done here.

So, how do you deal with chaos when it comes to visit you? First of all, keep breathing. Take deep breaths when you think about it, several times a day would be good. When you are doing other things, forget about the craziness that is your life. Stay in the moment and enjoy whatever distracting event is going on around you. Take one thing at a time to figure out, not all at the same time. This keeps things more manageable, like taking small bites of food instead of shoving all of it into your mouth at once. If there is anything you can eliminate altogether, eliminate it! One less thing to stress about.

Time helps, too. As time passes, some things work themselves out, so be patient. Things often  end up falling into place, despite your fretting.

Now, all of my “issues” have been resolved or are resolving as we speak. My hope is that chaos is packing its bags and getting ready to depart. It might be on its way to see you!  :)))

Don’t like your life? Change it!

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

You have the power to make great changes in your life, starting with your attitude. If you have relationships that need improving, that are worth keeping, you first have to realize you have no control over the other person. You can nag, cajole, argue, stand on your head, all to no avail. The ONLY person you can change is yourself. It may be as simple as changing your perception of the other person, becoming more compassionate, trying to understand their point of view, etc. If you consistently tell yourself that it is the other person who is wrong, it is the other person who needs to change, you will end up disappointed and stuck in an unhappy relationship. Try experimenting. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Change your attitude about the other person, change your behavior toward them. Watch what happens! You may feel like a miracle has occurred, but it was you who manifested it.  It will be you who is responsible for  making your life (certainly your relationship) better, happier, more fulfilling.

You are writing the script to your life. Yes, stuff happens, but you have the power to decide how you will respond to it. And that makes all the difference.  Two small examples from my own life. My horse Barbie went lame at the beginning of April, this year. She is still lame. I have not been able to work with her for over three months now. The Vet was out to see her yesterday and although he is pleased with her progress, he wants to give her two more months before we start working together again. We are now at the point where I can ride her at the walk, but we cannot practice our tests in order to get ready for any shows. (We are smack in the middle of show season now. My original plan was to be in four shows this season. Last year I was in two, my very first two.) At this point I will be lucky to participate in one show.

I could be very upset, depressed, angry, all of the above, at the misfortune I am experiencing at the barn, due to a lame horse. To what end? It wouldn’t be good for me, or anyone around me, to carry that ugly black cloud around with me all day, every day. So, I opted for passing through this experience, taking advantage of some down time with my horse, (I still have to hand walk her if not ride her, i.e.,  spend time with her) and having extra time away from the barn to work on other things (like writing my second book!).

Example number two. My washing machine broke down a week and a half ago as I was starting to do the prior week’s laundry. It is just me and my husband but we generate three loads per week. We had a repairman out who said it was the mother board. He could fix it for something like $370 or we could order the part online for about $60 and install it ourselves. We chose Option B, which meant waiting until the part arrived. By the time it got here and my husband installed it (Yay!), I had two and a half weeks of laundry stacked up. Very, very small problem, but frustrating nevertheless. I am sure you know people who would have been very upset over it. I almost was. I decided to pretend everything was fine.  Life went on. I used just about every pair of underwear in my drawer, but finally we were back in business and all was once again normal in the Tauber residence.  (and clean!)

As I said, these two examples of current events in my life are small potatoes to what other people endure. Tragedies and very serious illnesses happen every day to people. People you know, people you love, even yourselves.  What do you do? You deal with the things you can control, release the things you cannot and pray.  Change what you can, let go of the rest.

The Serenity Prayer is very powerful and speaks directly to what I am saying here.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  the courage to change the things I can,   and the wisdom to know the difference.”

You cannot change other people. You can only change yourself. Make the positive changes in yourself and see what miracles occur all around you, making your world a better place and your relationships happier. You have the power. Use it!

Be grateful – even when it doesn’t make sense

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

Having an attitude of gratitude is easy when life is going your way. You can be grateful for all of your good fortune, good health, good relationships, etc.  I remember growing up learning to be grateful for all that I had. But I never learned to be grateful when I was sick, or when I got punished, or when the boy I had a crush on laughed at me. What is there to be grateful for when things are going wrong? How can you say “Thank you, God” if you are getting a divorce, or your child is seriously ill? Very good question.

I adhere to a belief system called “Science of Mind”. It was founded by a man named Ernest Holmes. He published a book with the same title in 1938. Ernest Holmes took the best from many world religions to form Science of Mind which is a study in consciousness. It is a way of living and being that recognizes the tremendous power we have to change our own lives by changing our thinking. Do you know people who believe their lives are crappy, and their lives are crappy? And then there are people who believe their lives are good and so it is.

Without turning this into a study in religion, let me say that I have learned that being grateful, even in the dark times, can change your outlook and ultimately change your life. Rather than getting up in the morning and focusing on what is wrong in your world, think about all the things that are right with it. If you list them all on a piece of paper, which side is longer, the problem side or the blessings side? And for blessings I mean things like, a roof over my head, some money in my account, food in the cupboard, basically healthy, loving relationships, etc.  You will probably find the blessing side much longer than the problem side. And that is something else to be grateful for!

Another thing I have learned from Science of Mind that you may find a little strange. Being thankful for something that hasn’t happened yet initiates your thinking and then your actions which cooperate to bring it into being! If I say, every day, thank you, God, that I have all the money I need this month to pay my bills with a little left over. Saying it every day eventually leads you to believe it and believing in it brings the possibility of it coming true. Try it sometime! Be reasonable, however. If you say, “Thank you, God, for letting me win the lottery” it may not happen. First of all, on some level inside you, you do not believe you will really win. You cannot have any doubt in your mind of the desired effect or it will not materialize.

What about being grateful when things go wrong? First of all, it is we who label what has happened as “bad” or “good”, “horrible” or “wonderful”. We are judging it before the universe has had a chance to work through it. It may take time but eventually you will see that it was for some greater good, some greater learning, perhaps. But as human beings, it is often tough to make that leap of faith. It takes time and doesn’t always feel like something to be grateful about.

So, to make things easier, try this. Be grateful for everything that you have that works. Before you close your eyes at night or when you open them in the morning, start your day with an attitude of gratitude. Be thankful that you woke up! Be thankful for your pets, if you have them. Say “thank you” for the beautiful weather. I always say “thank you” for allowing  me and my family to get home safely every day when driving our cars. I am grateful for the abundance in my life, whatever that looks like on a particular day.  That I didn’t receive any bad news, from anywhere.  You get the idea. Try it for a week and see if it doesn’t change your outlook on life, which then changes your attitude, which changes your behavior and brings joy to you and those around you.  Trust that the universe is on your side.  My favorite movie quote is from “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”:   “Everything will be all right in the end… if it’s not all right then it’s not yet the end.”