Okay, so you know that my husband recently had his right shoulder completely replaced. Now we are home in the mending stage. This is no simple task. Pain pills must be taken, sometimes halved, dinners prepared and dishes washed. Sleeping is a challenge, for both of us. Initially it meant driving to and from places, long, far away places sometimes. Now he is starting to drive on his own. Assistance is required in getting him dressed and for the first 5 days, bathing. Then opening of pill bottles, pouring of drinks, etc. etc. etc. “Sweetheart, could you please…….?”
My usually very independent husband has not been so independent lately. I am also independent, used to taking care of myself. Now I am taking care of both of us. It was reminiscent of having a small child around again, one that depended on you for almost everything. I found myself getting irritable, short tempered, forcing myself to bite my tongue. I did pretty well, all things considered.
This is a very small inconvenience compared to what thousands of spouses and partners deal with every day, and for much longer periods of time. My mother did, for one, during the eight months my father lived with cancer. She had absolutely no life during that time. I can’t even imagine what that would be like. These people are heroic in their selflessness. I have great respect for them. It is not an easy job and requires saint like qualities which are either already there or must be quickly developed.
My situation is nothing compared to theirs, but it did offer me a glimpse. You see in marriage it is easy to live your day to day lives when all is well and running smoothly. (Sound familiar?) A relationship, marriage or otherwise, is truly tested in times of struggle and stress, when you are called upon to give more than you normally do, to give up having it your way more often than you are used to, and to bring forth the patience of Job, when that is not who you are. And to do all of this with a smile on your face, compassion in your heart and love on your lips.
“In sickness and in health..” is not just a catchy phrase in your marriage vows that isn’t ever going to happen – it WILL happen. On your wedding day when you hear those words, wait, no, most of us aren’t even listening to the words, are we? Our minds are elsewhere, at the reception, thinking about how happy we are, thinking that we are finally getting married. And then one day the sickness part shows up and we are thrown for a loop. Nobody told me there would be times that required me to carry the load! By myself? I didn’t sign up for this! (Excuse me? Yes, you did sign up for it. Put on your big girl/boy pants and deal with it, gracefully and lovingly. It’s all part of marriage, which you freely chose.)
I can already see in my situation that things are getting better. I’m on it now. I’ve got this. This too shall pass. But it won’t be the last time. We are older now. Things happen as we age. We need each other more. We lean on each other more. Yes, that is what I signed up for. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s called ‘Love’ and there is nothing greater. Now go do something nice for your spouse/partner that they could easily do for themselves, just because you want to. :))