You can do this!

I’m overwhelmed. My husband has been in pain since mid-December and  it has gotten progressively worse over the last few months. He is living on pain killers, which, unlike their name, are not “killing” anything, except maybe his brain. He has gone through more than one diagnosis. The first one was spinal stenosis.  His pain doctor had a temporary solution, an injection of cortisone. We were holding our breath and hoping for a miracle. The days dragged until his appointment. I had to drive him there because they said he would be woozy afterwards and unable to drive. No problem. We left the house at 6:30 am, not speaking much on the hour and a half drive,  just praying to ourselves that this would do the trick.

It didn’t. Two weeks later we were going through the same exercise for a different kind of injection. “This one should work,”said the pain doctor. We put all of our hopes on that one. It didn’t work either. We were despondent. What next?

An appointment with a back surgeon. It still hasn’t happened yet. March 21st was the earliest date. However…… In the meantime the pain has gotten worse. It is coming from his left hip and knee, not his back. Because we were getting nowhere with the first pain doctor,  my husband got a referral to a different one. He saw him yesterday. They both agreed (the doctor and my husband) that all things pointed to a hip replacement, not back surgery. (That sounded better to me, not as risky.)

He also had an injection for him to try. They did that this morning. It didn’t work. But it didn’t work because my husband has a “bone on bone” situation in his hip. The next step is a referral (which he already has) to a hip replacement surgeon. He is going to call today to set up that appointment.

My husband, being the superman that he is, continues to go to work every day (an hour and a half drive each way). He comes home with his hand out before he reaches the living room, looking for a pain pill. I am his drug dealer. He wants it that way.

I am praying with all that I have that he can have the hip replacement surgery sooner than later and that we can put this time behind us for good. It has been beyond trying. For him, for the obvious reasons and for me, well, maybe that’s obvious too. We are over it and ready to move on with some semblance of normalcy. Please!

This morning was stressful because I was waiting to hear if the injection had worked or not. And then the toilet overflowed the bathroom and the hallway. As I cleaned it up, I could feel myself seconds away from losing it, from sitting on the water soaked floor and crying. I chose not to. You can do this, I said to myself. Don’t let go now. It’s going to be okay. Hang on a little longer.

Sometimes we find ourselves in the middle of a storm. Don’t hide in the corner and suck your thumb, as inviting as that may be. Face the storm and know you have what it takes to get through it. Better days are coming. Keep that in the forefront of your mind. See the other side and know not only does it exist but it is waiting for you with open arms.

You can do this, no matter what it is you are going through. Pray and know that God will see you through it. Believe in your inner warrior. If you need to cry, go ahead. Then put your combat boots on and march right through that storm. God bless.

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