When I was a child, my father used to tell me, Don’t ever say you are positive about something, because nine times out of ten you will be wrong and you will only embarrass yourself. I didn’t always listen to that advice but I should have. He was right. Even today I think about his words whenever I am about to announce that I am 100% certain of something . Sure enough, more often than not, I am wrong. Then I am embarrassed. Instead, I now try to say, “I’m pretty sure this is right.” A little safety net to avoid looking foolish.
And then their is the broader use of this advice. We make quick judgements about everything, about people, situations, about our lives in general. And very often, with the passage of time, we find that not only were we a little bit wrong about our first judgement, but completely out of line. I do this often, I am ashamed to say.
We moved up here six months ago and I had to create new relationships to replace the ones I had in California. (I’m not talking about friendships.) Let’s just say that one of the people I chose was not an immediate fit. We worked together several times and on more than one occasion I thought of leaving and finding someone else. I thought I had her figured out. But part of me wanted to give her another chance. I tried opening up my heart and remaining positive, regardless of what my cynical mind would tell me. I pushed negative thoughts away and only listened to the positive. Yesterday was the aha moment I had been waiting for. I was wrong about her. Everything fell into place and I understood where she was coming from. I stopped judging and started listening, understanding and meeting her halfway. I can’t tell you what a good feeling that was.
Don’t be too quick to judge others, especially those you might be working with in some capacity. Try to see the world from their perspective. It helps you understand who they are and what makes them tick. When I was in college studying to be a marriage, family, child counselor we learned an exercise that to this day I find brilliant. When a couple was having problems, you would have each partner argue for the other’s cause. It was amazing to see the transformation. The wheels started turning and all of a sudden the person who was fighting against their spouse would suddenly understand where the other person was coming from. It gave them pause. It didn’t always turn out that they would completely change their position, but at least it gave them empathy for the other’s point of view. Try it sometime. It can be liberating.
Make an effort to understand people before you judge them. You have no idea what their private lives look like. Don’t decide immediately that they should be dismissed from your life until you really know who they are. If you figure out they are not a good fit for the role you want them to play, then you have made an informed decision. Be careful not to jump to conclusions. You might be wrong, which could mean missing out on a mutually satisfying and enriching relationship. God bless.