Old Tapes

“You can’t do this. It’s too scary. Remember what happened the last time? It was devastating! Do you want to go through that again?”

Thoughts going through my head when I signed up for my first horse show of the season which is this weekend. All the old tapes started playing in my head, ultimately making me dread the event rather than looking forward to it.

One day as the tapes finished playing in my head again, it dawned on me. These tapes are old based on the rider I was almost a year ago. I am more skilled and confident now. I know everything I need to do given almost any situation that my horse might bring to me. I’ve got this!

Do you have old tapes that re-play in your head on occasion? They throw you off balance and ruin what should be a happy occasion. I believe we all do and we need to recognize them for what they are – SABOTAGE! They sabotage your happiness, your confidence, your joy. After recognizing them you must put them in a trunk, lock them up and throw away the key!

Where do they come from? Christians might call it “the enemy”. Others may believe self-doubt is the culprit. You’re being too hard on yourself. You don’t believe you deserve the happiness you so desperately long for.

But how do you know they’re old tapes that are no longer worth listening to? First of all, how does it  make you feel? You know on a deeper level that what they are telling you is not true. You know that if you take them to heart you will not attempt something you want to try; you will remain in your comfort zone, refusing to take even the smallest of risks. You have seen movies like this where the guy wants the girl but listens to his self-talk which ultimately convinces him he’s not good enough for her. It breaks your heart to watch it.

When my youngest son was a teenager, I remember giving him this advice – Don’t listen to what others say about you. Listen to what you say about you. That is worth something.

It changes everything. If you listen to old tapes or negative self-talk, it can potentially keep you from achieving your greatest accomplishments, experiencing your deepest joy or having your proudest moment. Sounds dramatic, doesn’t it?  But oh so true.

If I choose to believe that I will once again succumb to the fear and therefore give a lousy performance, then I will never show again. And yet some of my happiest and proudest moments are associated with riding my horse.

With only two days left before the show, when the old tapes start to play, I must tell my brain to hit “delete!” Those old tapes and the “wisdom” they pretend to offer up are no longer valuable or applicable to me. I have grown. I am more skilled. I can totally meet the challenge. The only thing that will ruin it is believing the old tapes.

If you’re older, you probably remember music tapes and how sometimes you would remove it from the tape player and part of the tape would be sticking out. Then you would put your finger in the hole and turn it to re-wind and take up the slack. Sometimes that worked and sometimes it didn’t. I think I will envision pulling all of it out until it is a big jumbled mess, never to be successfully played again! Sounds like a good solution to me. What do you think?   :))