I’ll bet you could fill in the blanks for that expression. Me, too. I got really good news the other day, beyond good. Then I woke up the next morning stressing over it! What’s up with that? I put my brain chatter on hold long enough to figure out what was upsetting me. Why did the day after good news not feel so good? And then it hit me. I was stressing over the details. Guess what? The details involved other people. That meant I was stressing over things I could not control!
This very lack of control was at the core of my frazzled nerves. I thought of the appropriate pattern – worry – stress – fear – lack of control. You worry about something which then stresses you out and causes you to fear the worst scenario and it is all due to something over which you have little or no control.
I had promised myself I would give up the need to control this particular issue. Well, maybe just one text, in case they haven’t thought of this one thing. God must have been wagging his finger at me. Not only did I not get an answer to my text, I didn’t get the promised phone call either, the one where we would discuss the details and make final plans. This is ridiculous, I decided. I’m letting go right now! Right now! No, really, NOW!!!
Something else came up during the day that I was stressing over. I’ll just send a quick text. Guess what? No response! I really need to get a grip. I’m too old to worry about these things. I don’t want to worry about them. I’m done!
Think of the things in your life that stress you out. Are they things you have 100% control over? I doubt it. What is stressful about something you can change, fix, decide on or choose? Nothing!
I have control over what I wear, what I eat, most of my daily tasks, who I do things with, what I do, but especially my attitude. How I deal with life when life gets in my face, which is pretty much every day.
Anything that involves at least one other person by definition takes away some of our control. This frustrates us, makes us unhappy, crabby, defiant, insecure, tired, frightened, useless, impotent. Wow! It doesn’t sound like a good thing, does it? But you have no choice in the matter when another person or persons enter the picture. (Side bar – horseback riding, in my case dressage, brings the same issues. When you enter the arena at a show, you have about 50% control over what happens in there. The other 50% belongs to your horse, who may be in good spirits and feel cooperative or grumpy and contrary. A skilled rider can deal with just about anything the horse gives her.)
What’s the solution? Simple, give up the need to control everything, control yourself. Control what you can and release the rest to the others involved. Trust me, you will make yourself crazy if you don’t do this. I know whereof I speak.
I am not re-texting either one of these people. I will wait for their answers and I will not die doing it. If you are a Christian, you know that you hold no control anyway, even if you think you do. It’s wise just to let it go.
The plus side of giving up the need for control? Less stress, less worry, less fear. Sounds good to me. Now let’s see if if I can do it! :))