It’s 10:00 am. I’m getting ready to leave the house, go to the barn and do lots of extra work, in addition to riding my horse (the fun part). I push myself out the door, get into my car and off I go. Inside my head as I review the day before me, I hear a little voice screaming, “But I don’t wanna!”
A few minutes go by during which I ask myself if there is any way out it. Nope! Then shape up woman! Put on your big girl pants and go with a happy heart, not a sour face. And so I did. And the time went by and it was good.
There is a nasty “devil” on my shoulder lately who pushes me toward doing nothing, toward laziness, to staying in my comfort zone and living my day out in the fetal position. Really? Is it merely the result of getting older? But I’m not that old! I have to fight it. I’ll certainly not give in.
I look for other areas in my life where “I don’t wanna” whispers in my ear. “I don’t wanna make dinner.” “I don’t wanna clean up the kitchen.” ” I don’t wanna exercise.” “I don’t wanna make big decisions right now.”
Maybe this is normal but I don’t like it. I’m not used to non-action. I’m used to doing the work and then doing the relaxation. First the work and then the rest, always. It’s my m.o.
Maybe it’s a phase…. No. I don’t think so. Perhaps it’s the result of me relaxing more and working less. Am I settling too much into retirement? Get off the couch, Sarah! Be productive!
Can you relate? Is it age? Laziness? Fear of leaving my comfort zone? Inertia? I say do what you need to do and then relax. Don’t feel guilty, especially if you are retired and have “earned” your couch sitting time.
Try asking yourself where it is coming from. Maybe you have been overdoing and need a break. That’s justifiable. Perhaps you have given in too much lately to doing nothing and it is becoming a habit, a pleasant habit. If it is seriously messing with your life and you don’t like it, push yourself to do something and then something else. Slowly but surely you will get back into your old routine of action and feel more in control. The lack of a rigid schedule (which is what happens in retirement) makes it that much more challenging. I went through this shortly after I quit working. Why is it coming back now?
My plan is that most of the time I will challenge the “I don’t wanna” voice inside my head. And occasionally, but rarely, I will let it win. :))