I was standing in line recently at my local postal annex. It immediately became obvious that it would not be a quick “check the box” off my list of things to do. An older woman in front of me turned around and said, “I see you are practicing your delayed gratification skills.” It made me laugh. She was clearly an intelligent woman who had a long life behind her, filled with many interesting stories, I’m sure.
My initial thought after her statement was that I wouldn’t call this particular scenario “delayed gratification”. That would be waiting in line for an ice cream cone, to get a prize or to relax with a nice glass of wine after the day’s chores. But I knew what she meant. We had a nice conversation while both of us practiced patience, that was my take on it.
It started me thinking about delayed gratification. It’s not a concept you consider very often. When I look at my own life, I realize that I could be the queen of delayed gratification! It goes all the way back to my childhood. I was a very disciplined child. I would come home from school, go upstairs and immediately do my homework before getting a snack or going out to play with friends. Crazy, right? To this day I “reward” myself with kicking back and watching my previously taped TV shows only after all tasks have been completed. I have no idea where this discipline came from. Perhaps my father. But he never told me I had to do homework first. That was my idea.
The rewards are so much sweeter to me when my work has been accomplished and I know there is nothing hovering over my head that still has to be done. I do make minor exceptions occasionally, like coming home and eating my lunch before writing my blog because I’m starving! Actually, I can’t think of many times that I don’t delay the gratification. Maybe I need a shrink!
So, is it a sign of maturity to delay your gratification? When it comes to buying things you don’t really need, or buying a higher end version of something you do need; perhaps delaying your purchase until you have more available funds is the mature thing to do. Many younger people, especially, do not believe they should deny themselves the pleasures of life, whether they can afford them or not. Immaturity is what I would call that.
But allowing yourself an ice cream cone before dinner once in a while, splurging on a dress you don’t really need but you know it won’t keep you from paying your bills, relaxing with a glass of wine before you finish chores at home – These things are not immaturity but giving yourself a present, which I believe is healthy behavior when done on occasion.
I believe delayed gratification is overrated. If you can’t actually afford something, don’t buy it! If buying that item will put your family in dire financial straights; well, that’s a no brainer, isn’t it? You shouldn’t make the purchase!
Standing in line when you have many other errands to run is a lesson in patience, not delayed gratification. The same goes for traffic jams. We certainly know about those, living in Southern California. Our patience is tested on a regular basis.
Once in a while have dessert before dinner. Buy the beautiful shoes that you don’t really need but must have – knowing that it won’t break the bank. Uh, see picture below. I did buy the shoes I didn’t need but had to have! Pretty, right? And so practical! I can wear them with many outfits! (Rationalization, a topic for another time.) :))
