After falling off my horse in December and breaking my foot, followed by 3 months (a non-related surgery occurred in mid February) of not riding, I found it difficult to regain my confidence on my horse. My trainers, being the wise and knowledgeable women that they are, started me back slowly. I was building momentum fast and then I started going backwards. Hard to find a clear cut reason. I just did. I was afraid to ride my horse.
Since relocating to Oregon, Ruby has become either a different horse or her real, true self. It doesn’t matter. She’s the sensitive horse I bought in California four and a half years ago times five. Still a great horse and very rideable with a perfectly calm, nothing ever bothers me rider on her back. That has never been used to describe me.
She would look to me to reassure her. At the same time I was looking to her for reassurance! Neither one of us was getting what we wanted. I prayed to God to please take my fear away. I had had it with that miserable emotion and I wanted it gone!
It dawned on me this morning that that is exactly what he did. Let me explain. A few weeks ago, in sheer desperation, I told my trainer I thought what she suggested eight months ago was correct. I have the wrong horse. For me, for my safety, for my progression, for my pleasure. Not wanting to influence me back then, both of my trainers agreed to carry on with my training on Ruby and never mentioned it again. They accepted that I wanted to keep my horse and they were willing to work with me to overcome the obstacles in my riding. A few weeks ago I told them they were right. Ruby was no longer the partner I needed and more importantly, I wasn’t the one she needed.
Facing the truth was hard. For eight months I kept telling myself, “It’s me. If I just get braver, if I just ride her more, if I change my attitude. If, if, if. I continued to push on that square peg to make it fit into the round hole. It didn’t fit and it never will.
What to do? I discussed it with my primary trainer. We talked about options. She knew of three therapy programs and knew the people who ran them. Being a sensitive horse, Ruby would be great working with people who had emotional issues, not to mention PTSD Vets. It was the Vets part that caught my attention. I would love it if my horse could be an instrument for healing.
As it turned out, everything has fallen into place and Ruby will be going to Healing Hearts Ranch in Olympia, WA on the 18th. It will initially be on a trial basis for up to 60 days at which time if it doesn’t work out I would be approached with the option to take her back. My trainer knows the owner of this ranch/program and trusts her completely. I have looked at their website and seen the good work they do there. Ruby has taught me a lot. Now it is time for her to teach others while making a huge difference in their lives. She will become a healer and will be honored and loved by many. That is what will make our separation tolerable, albeit painful.
In the interim, each of my trainers has me taking lessons on one of their horses. One horse is very tall but rock solid and very sweet. The other is very short and extremely well trained. I will be riding both of them for several months, allowing me to save money in order to purchase my next (and probably last) horse partner. My trainer will assist in that process and has already assured me that we will take our time, ending up ideally with a lease/purchase situation. Knowing her as I have for the last two years, I am confident she has my best interest in mind, not to mention my safety.
My point in telling you this story is to remind you that your best laid plans often blow up in your face. Change is inevitable. Changing your mind about something you were absolutely sure of is okay. It happens. We have to be flexible rather than intractable, open to the new instead of stubbornly refusing to let it in. Being able to leave your comfort zone when you have no idea what awaits you outside of it. Trusting that you will land on your feet. Not only will you be okay but you will be happy again. You do not grow in your comfort zone. Remember that.
Jeremiah 29:11 When God pushes you to the edge of difficulty, trust him fully because two things can happen. Either he’ll catch you when you fall, or he will teach you how to fly.
God bless.
The two scriptures that are etched into the concrete in the Arena Barn are:
Romans 8:28 “We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.”
and
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding, in all ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.”
I chose those two because in creating what we have at Crescendo, I wanted Him to lead me clearly on my path.
Your words and story are heartfelt and I am honored to be on the journey with you.
Love, KT