Things to ponder

I used to judge bad parents. I’m not talking about BAD parents, but parents who are not around as much as they should be, parents who are not demonstrative with their children, don’t spend enough quality time with them, etc. I was married to one. After the divorce I thought he could have done more to create a close relationship with his son. As the years wore on, the contact with his only child dwindled down to almost nil. Initially I was very upset with him and judged him against standards that would have been impossible for him to achieve.

Years went by, I became a little wiser and one day while talking to my son about his father, it clicked. “He did the best he could, with what he had at the time.” Does that sound like an excuse to you? Maybe, a little. But I truly believe it. His father is not a bad man. I know he loves his son, in his own way – not the way we would prefer, but the only way he knows how.

It’s too bad but I think many adults blame their parents for all the ills that visit them in this life. Not fair. Sure, your childhood may not have been “Leave it to Beaver” or “Happy Days” but it was what it was. And you survived. Now it’s time to move on and be your own “parent”. What happens to you as an adult is no longer on them but on you. Stop blaming the past for your present. That’s the easy way out and not even reasonable.

If you are in a relationship with someone and after telling them over and over what you want/need from them they do not provide it, you have a decision to make. Does the good in the relationship outweigh the bad or are you fooling yourself into thinking they will change one day and become the partner you have always wanted? Maybe it’s time to face the truth. Maybe that person is being the best partner they know how to be and no amount of nagging, screaming or begging is going to turn them into the prince or princess you envisioned in your mind. Sorry.

My ex husband was not a great husband or father, but you know what? He was the best that he could be, given the tools he had to work with. My parents were not perfect. I came away with some minor neuroses (don’t we all?). But I have moved on from looking to my childhood for excuses.

Don’t expect perfection from your partner, your parents, your children. If your partner is not going to be the person you need, then maybe it is time to let them go. If your child is not the prodigy you hoped for or they are into art instead of sports, then celebrate the wonderful child you spawned. Don’t look at them as a disappointment. They are who they are. No amount of parenting will change that, not successfully anyway and not without doing irreparable damage.

As humans we are capable of amazing things but not all of us can achieve greatness in our lifetimes. Most of us do the best we can, given what we have to work with. Don’t try to change someone you love so that they can be what you pictured. Let them be who they are. I think it makes them more interesting and ultimately more attractive. Think about it.

As an older adult I am very familiar with the act of leaving. And it is never easy for me. Of course there are degrees of difficulty. There is a world of difference between leaving my husband at home in the morning, knowing that I will return in a few hours and leaving one of my adult children, not knowing when I will see them again. It is a pain that goes deep into my heart and only lessens with time. I hate leaving my children or having them leave me.

I was thinking about it today, how some experiences of leaving profoundly effect me. I just spent one week with my youngest son, his loving wife and their new baby boy.  Her first child. They live in Oregon. My older son and I helped them move up there 1 1/2 years ago. And then we had to leave. The pain of that leaving was lessened because one of my children was going back with me.

I visited them a year ago on my son’s birthday. Leaving after five days was hard. Leaving them most recently – now three people, one a precious three week old baby – was harder than I had prepared myself for. Eyes filled with tears, my heart ached enough to fill my whole body.

I have been through this many times. I also know that it gets better as every day passes, taking me further away from the “leaving”. I jump back into the things that make my life normal. The greater the immersion the easier the transition.

Your own experience of leaving is all about what you tell yourself. You decide on its meaning. Lots of freedom here.

Leaving is a significant experience, to be sure. You are separating yourself from another. What was two or more is now one – you.

Connections are important. Breaking connections will effect you whether they were temporary or permanent. It is profound, whether the leaving is the best that you can do for yourself or a situation wherein you have no choice.

Leaving can be serious, meaningful, complicated, necessary, painful, temporary, sad, courageous, difficult, forever, honest and real. Whatever it is, leaving changes things. It alters what is.  And it is usually hard to do. Maybe that’s why some people exchange the phrase “Goodbye”  with “See you later”.

Leaving is an inevitable part of life. When it must be done, do it with grace, love and a little class. It is, after all, the only way to get to the next place you are meant to be.  :))

Ever feel stressed when there is much to accomplish but not enough time? Some people’s “busy-ness” is self-imposed. They don’t know how to say “No” when someone asks them a favor. That is a skill set that must be learned and quickly. Feeling guilty or selfish when turning down a request is unnecessary. If you truly cannot fit anything else on your plate, then bow out gracefully! Being honest about your schedule may offend but nothing permanent. You, on the other hand, would clearly suffer by over extending; something that not only will effect you but also the loved ones in your immediate circle.

This is not what I am referring to when I say “The gift of being busy”. I retired almost four years ago after working for 40+ years. Sure, I was busy when I was working, but not my kind of busy – someone else’s busy.

Since retirement, my time is my own. It is the best! The busy life that is mine is self-created and very satisfying. I am much busier now than when I was working! (I’m sure you have heard that before but it’s true!) This is the time for all the things you wanted to do but couldn’t because most of your time belonged to someone else. Or – perhaps, as in my case, you didn’t discover all the wonderful things you enjoy doing until after retirement! Who knew I would write and publish two books in under two years? That I would write a blog once a week, publish a short story, do book talks and signings? And then there are the five times per week that I go to the barn to ride, groom or otherwise take care of my horse. I also assist my husband by making sales calls five days per week. Then I need to fit in going to the gym, hairdresser, chiropractor and occasional doctor.  Whew!

And so it goes. Isn’t it wonderful? Being busy doing things you love is a gift. It beats doing nothing or not being able to do what you love six ways to Sunday. (Where did that expression come from?)

When I am busy I feel connected to life. I’m a participant, not an onlooker. I’m in the arena where stuff is happening, not cheering on someone else who is in there. Outside the arena, cheering me on are my relatives and friends who have passed. And among them of course is my muse, Sadie. (Story for another day.)

What if not being busy is your thing? What if you spent years being busy and now you just want solitude and time to chill? You’ve earned it, right? Yes, you have! Again I say, doing what you love is the blessing I speak of, no matter what that looks or feels like. For me, it is filling my days with horses and writing and marketing. I do however, allow myself time to do nothing, every day. That is critical to my sanity. Balance is vital to a healthy life.

I am blessed to have my busy life. I wouldn’t change a thing. How about you?

p.s. There will probably not be a blog next week as I will be visiting, holding and fussing over my three week old grandson who lives in Oregon. Ahhh babies!  :))

“You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.”

Most of us are familiar with that expression. What does it mean? Simply put, you are more apt to get what you want in life with sweetness, rather than acidity. How does it work? Today I am thinking about business scenarios. Recently I had to confront (not one of my favorite things to do) someone at my publisher about a mistake that, in my opinion, was on them and not on me. I wanted to get them to fix it without charging me to do so. Making me pay for something I did not do seemed completely unfair if not indefensible.

My approach was firm yet respectful. I laid out my argument in a detailed fashion in an attempt to win my case. I was neither “sweet” nor “acidic” to the party on the other end of the phone, but rather somewhere in-between. I ended the conversation by acknowledging his limited decision making authority and requested that he approach his boss for a resolution.  He agreed, stating that he would get back to me. “Thank you,” I uttered politely. No word as of yet.

My husband’s approach in such matters is quite different from mine. When he knows or believes that he is in the right, he is not the least bit shy when making his point, minus the proverbial sugar coating. Sometimes he will relay the conversation to me after the fact. I have been known to cringe. The question is, is he successful in his unsweetened approach? The answer – mostly.

This brings to mind the question of expectation. Men are expected to be tough while negotiating. Women are seen as softer, not necessarily less assertive, but with less testosterone. My husband’s success without honey may be understandable, given his gender. Mine, as well, softening or sweetening the point while making it. Did I just discover something here or just re-state the obvious?

You have heard that tough male bosses are often looked upon as strong, smart and ambitious. For a female with similar qualities, the “B” word appears. Fair? Of course not. Part of our gender expectation? Absolutely.

Shall we say that the expression “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar” applies mostly to women? Or perhaps solely to women?  And that men can catch them any way they want to?

Wait – what if a male is approaching his female boss? What if a female is confronting her male superior? Does that change the dynamic? I think so. A woman might want to be tougher with a male boss and a man a bit more self-controlled while trying to win over his female boss. (Am I caught in the 60s here?)

It may be 2015 but I believe we still hold onto many gender biases from the past. Good or bad, that’s how it is. Women are without question highly successful in the corporate world. They’ve come a long way since the 1950s when they were wearing dresses and pearls with a vacuum cleaner in one hand and a spatula in the other. However, women must build their success differently than their male counterparts. It’s obvious to me that they have figured out how.

So, honey or vinegar? The recipe for success depends on gender and approach. Or you can just buy a fly swatter!   :)))

My newest grandson was born last night at 11:03 pm. That makes six grandsons for me. And my other daughter-in-law is expecting a boy as well, in September! Boys abound.

Today is Good Friday, the anniversary of the day that Jesus was crucified. Easter Sunday is when he rose from the dead. Resurrection – to rise again; resurgence, revival. If I allow my imagination to wander (which I often do), I think waking up every morning is a kind of resurrection. We rise again each day to live our lives in harmony with all that is. This sounds to me like a perfect opportunity to make new choices. To begin again, maybe better this time. How fortunate we are to be able to do that!

Not everyone sees it that way. Most of us (including me) seldom consider it when we wake up every day. I don’t consciously think, “Here is an opportunity to make better choices than I did yesterday. Here is a chance to start over and do things in a more positive way.” New day, new possibilities. Nope, I don’t think about that as I stretch, wash my face or get dressed. Shame on me!

It strikes me that a brand new baby has the ultimate clean slate. If we could only understand the power we have as children to create an amazing life, one choice at a time. But really young children don’t make many choices on their own. Choices are made for them. Unfortunately, we don’t realize our power until later in life and there are those who never realize it.  Many of these people would like us to call them victims.

Some people get it when they have near death experiences, or a reprieve from a illness that was supposed to kill them. They speak of how it changed their outlook on life. Now they don’t worry about the small stuff. They greatly appreciate the little things not to mention being able to continue their lives. The world looks different to them. Even though nothing has changed. Only their viewpoint. Life’s trials and tribulations still visit them. But now they are wearing different glasses. I believe it is called perspective.

We all have “bad days” when it seems as if everything is working against us. We get over one negative thing and another one follows. And on and on it goes.  “Bad” days happen to everyone. Know that tomorrow will be better. It almost always is. And besides, know that YOU are the one who labeled the day as “bad”. You could change the label to challenging or simply acknowledge that life isn’t perfect and move on.

So whether a newborn baby, an enlightened individual or a person given a second chance at life, know that every day is a fresh start, an opportunity to have the best day of your life, over and over again.  :))

The conversation went like this.

You: Hi Sally, How are you doing?

Sally: Ugh. I’ve been better.

You: What happened? What’s wrong?

Sally: Well, first of all the weather is crappy today and it’s ruining my hair. Secondly, I was late to work by ten minutes which I’m sure ticked off my boss. I didn’t sleep well last night so I’m really tired right now. Should I go on?

You: Gee, Sally, I’m sorry that you are having a bad day. Want to go get a nice lunch together?

Sally: No, I really can’t afford it. Not on my salary. My company is really ripping me off. I deserve to get much more than I am being paid. But then they’re a lousy company anyway.

You: Have you thought of changing jobs?

Sally: Sure, but it’s too hard to get work right now. And besides, who would want to hire me at my age?

And on it goes. The negativity about Sally’s life in her own words. Do you know someone like that? After you are around them for any length of time it almost feels as if their negative energy is invading your body and you walk away feeling heavy and depressed. You want to wash it off and start all over but with a different person. Someone other than Sally.

Years ago there was a book entitled, “Games People Play” by Eric Berne, originally published in 1964. I read it back then, not fully understanding its deeper meaning and significance. Not until I had lived more life and met more people. One of the games is called “Aint’t it awful?”.  No matter what their circumstances, no matter what is going on around them, the world looks grey to these people and sometimes black.

You can take two people who experience the same things and one of them will use the tough times to grow and become stronger while the other person will take the opportunity to bring others down to their level.

Bad stuff happens to everyone. No one is immune. There are things we have little or no control over that we must deal with every day. The key is how you handle these things that determines your character and your happiness quotient. That same conversation above could have gone like this, were it a different person on the other end:

You: Hi Mary. How are you doing?

Mary: Hi. I’m good. I was late to work today by ten minutes so I took the time off of my lunch hour. I’m sure my boss won’t mind. I didn’t sleep real well so I’m a bit tired, but that just gives me a great excuse not to work out tonight! Ha ha. How are you doing?

You: I’m good. Hey, do you want to go grab a quick bite? We could catch up. I know a place that will serve us right away so that you won’t be late going back to work.

Mary: Sure! That would be fun! I’m feeling kind of broke this week so it can’t be too expensive. I’m getting discouraged about my job. I don’t think they appreciate my hard work. I’m refreshing my resume right now so that I can find something where I’m not only valued but where I can advance my career. I’m sure there will be someone out there who could use my talent!

You: Absolutely. Good for you. Now let’s go get some lunch!

Mary is a much more positive person, as you can tell. Her outlook on life will take her far. She is consequently nicer to be around. Her positive energy rubs off on those around her.

Why do some people play “Ain’t it awful?” People who play games do so because there is a payback for them. In the case of “Ain’t it awful?” the payback is usually that they get to look like a victim. It makes people feel sorry for them. It also shifts responsibility for their lives to outside forces, leaving them with no accountability.

If you have people in your life who play “Ain’t it awful?” and you cannot avoid them, try to limit your time with them. If you get stuck sometimes, think of other things while they are droning on about how terrible their life is. And then get away and do something good for yourself. Something that makes you happy. Don’t let their negativity attach to you.

Choose friends who make you feel good about yourself and life in general. These are the people who will boost you up, encourage and inspire you. These are the ones to surround yourself with, not the “Ain’t it awful?” types. Avoid them if you can. They will only bring you down.

Your time is precious. Spend it wisely and with those who add to you, not take away.   You’ll be happier for it.    :))

Webster defines vulnerable as 1) capable of being physically wounded; 2) open to attack or damage, assailable.  Wow, that sounds like a good thing, right? Not really. But you have probably heard or often been told that the only way to find love is to be vulnerable. The problem with this sage piece of advice is that by being vulnerable you are completely open to being hurt, not something we long for.

A person who is vulnerable opens up their heart, doesn’t play games, eliminates the walls or facades so that they are truly themselves and you (or anyone else for that matter) are welcomed in, in hopes that you come with (crossing fingers) good intentions. No guarantees, right?

It is very sad that there are many people who never find love because they wish to protect themselves against the hurt and pain that might result if they were to let someone in. My father used to tell me that if you are going to feel, feel it all. It is the only way you can experience life to its fullest. You cannot pick and choose. If you are open,  you are open to all of it. You will feel the joy and happiness to the maximum but you will also feel the pain and sadness that comes from loss. It’s all or nothing.

People who refuse to be vulnerable have basically shut themselves off from the substance of life. They go about their days in a protective shell which no one can pierce. Are they happy? I don’t think so. They might think so. Maybe that’s enough for them. But by not allowing anyone inside, to really get to know them, they are preventing the most amazing experiences from happening. You see, the joy is locked out as well as the pain.

Playing it safe, I believe is the phrase. Are you playing it safe or living your life?  Do you allow people to pierce your outer shell to find the wonderfulness of you? Or are you afraid what they may find when they get there? Is it scarier to imagine what might happen if someone were allowed in then to keep them out?

I was single as an adult for more years than I want to admit. I dated many men. When I found what I thought was a good one, I allowed them to know the real me. Yes, sometimes I ended up being hurt, sometimes it was just okay and I figured out quickly that this person was not worth getting to know on a deeper level. Sometimes I was the one doing the hurting. But when it was good, it was very good. Had I kept my walls up, I would have escaped the pain but also the joy. Even after painful breakups, I found other relationships in which  to be vulnerable.  I read once that Mae West, after being hurt by her lover, got up, dusted herself off and said loudly and clearly, “Next!”

Being vulnerable is not just about finding a mate. It is about making friends, finding God, making a difference in the world. How can you make your mark in life if no one can know the real you? Be your true self. I am sure that you are a beautiful gift which needs to be shared with the world, in order to make it a better place for all of us.

When I wrote my first book, a memoir, “For Dear Life” and started speaking about it in public venues, I was scared to share my story. It showed that I was not a perfect, got it together kinda gal, but flawed, very flawed. That was difficult for me to do. I did it so that others who have made similar mistakes would know that happiness can be found again. Life goes on and we learn from our past. Joy might be just around the corner.

Being vulnerable allows you to be in the game. Don’t stand on the sidelines. Participate. Not everyone will want you or love you or think you are amazing. But there will be at least one who will. And isn’t that worth it? There is nothing greater than to love and be loved however that shows up. Live your life with gratitude and enthusiasm. Be authentic. Take it all in. And be glad that you are here. :))

sang the Beatles. I would offer “All you need is God” for God is love and much, much more. God is all of it and is available 24/7.

Saturday is Valentine’s Day – a day of promises, a little illusion,  romance and lots and lots of chocolate! It is a day when we are expected to openly express our love for the significant others in our lives – our mothers, our fathers, our siblings, our children, our friends and of course our lovers. What about the other 364 days? Shouldn’t that love be expressed during the rest of the year? Certainly. Even though I appreciate Valentine’s Day, it is more a day for card shops and candy stores to make extra money. But I still like it. And it forces a lot of men to remember how much their partners mean to them. That can’t be a bad thing.

Valentine history lesson from the Internet:

The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. According to one legend, an imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first “valentine” greeting himself after he fell in love with a young girl–possibly his jailor’s daughter–who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed “From your Valentine,” an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories all emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic and–most importantly–romantic figure. By the Middle Ages, perhaps thanks to this reputation, Valentine would become one of the most popular saints in England and France.

Some wonderful quotes regarding love:

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. ~Erich Fromm

Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving. ~Khalil Gibran

Infatuation is when you think he’s as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he’s as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford — but you’ll take him anyway. ~Judith Viorst, Redbook, 1975

Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species. ~W. Somerset Maugham, A Writer’s Notebook, 1949

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Wind, Sand and Stars, 1939, translated from French by Lewis Galantière

When love is not madness, it is not love. ~Pedro Calderon de la Barca

Do I love you because you’re beautiful,
Or are you beautiful because I love you?
~Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II, Cinderella

For you see, each day I love you more
Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.
~Rosemonde Gerard

Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defense. ~Mark Overby

Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end. ~Author Unknown

Who, being loved, is poor? ~Oscar Wilde

Love must be as much a light, as it is a flame. ~Henry David Thoreau

Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely. ~Laurence Marks, M*A*S*H, “Love Story,” original air date 7 January 1973, spoken by the character Hawkeye

A baby is born with a need to be loved — and never outgrows it. ~Frank A. Clark

Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. ~Robert Heinlein

We loved with a love that was more than love. ~Edgar Allan Poe

If I love you, what business is it of yours? ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The hardest-learned lesson: that people have only their kind of love to give, not our kind. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

We choose those we like; with those we love, we have no say in the matter. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands. ~Quoted by Alexandra Penney in Self

Love is, above all, the gift of oneself. ~Jean Anouilh

When a man is in love or in debt, someone else has the advantage. ~Bill Balance

Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly. ~Rose Franken

Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat. ~Ben Hecht

A bell is no bell ’til you ring it,
A song is no song ’til you sing it,
And love in your heart
Wasn’t put there to stay –
Love isn’t love
‘Til you give it away.
~Oscar Hammerstein, Sound of Music, “You Are Sixteen (Reprise)”
(Thanks, Krystel)

Love is like dew that falls on both nettles and lilies. ~Swedish Proverb

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity. ~Henry Van Dyke

I leave you now with these wonderful thoughts on love. Happy Valentine’s Day. Give love and freely to those who mean the most to you.  (That includes animals, by the way.)    :))

Yesterday was Christmas, a time for families and friends to get together and celebrate, in many different ways. Some people were joyous and full of love while others were sad and filled with memories of loss or pain. And then there were others who simply expressed “bah humbug!”. December is my all time favorite month. I love the chill in the air at night and the excitement I feel as each day brings us closer to Christmas. I have been this way most of my life. If you read my memoir, “For Dear Life”, you will remember the time I visited the nativity scene across the street from our house in Pennsylvania at the age of nine. It was a pivotal moment and I suppose it instilled in me the love I have for this time of year.

I received a unique and very special present yesterday from my daughter-in-law. As a matter of fact, she knows me and my sister so well that she gave the same gift to both of us and had us open them at the same time. It was a Blessings Jar. I have never heard of nor seen anything like it. It reminded me of when I was in high school and the drama club I belonged to used to take oranges and pin small notes to them saying things that made them happy. It was an undertaking I considered pretty cool back then. If you ever had a bad day, you would pull out one of the pins, read the note and smile.

Filling the Blessings Jar takes it one step further and creates a more spiritual experience. Write on one of the small cards provided something that you are grateful for, a blessing in your life at present. This should not be difficult to do. It can be something as basic as “I am blessed because I am alive”. Feeling blessed doesn’t mean that your life is perfect. It focuses on the state of your life right now and the gratitude you experience for all of it – the “good” and the “not so good”. It means accepting where you are in your life, knowing that it will change and being okay with that. It is knowing that you are right where you are supposed to be, the place that comes before the next place where you will be. (Does that make sense?)

Back to the Blessings Jar. You fill out all of the cards and then add to them as you think of other things you feel grateful for. When you are having an off day, a day less than joyous, pull out a few of the cards in the jar and read them. Think about them, experience the richness of your blessings, be thankful for them. More blessings will come. All you need is an open heart to receive them. The inherent magic in blessings is that they multiply, once acknowledged and appreciated.

Think about creating your own Blessings Jar, or Blessings Box or a Blessings Bowl – be creative. There are beautiful gift boxes at places like Michael’s or Home Goods, Marshall’s, etc. Buy one or make one. Then fill it up with the blessings in your life.  Watch them grow and change your life in ways you can’t even imagine.   :))

Today I am a patient in the waiting room of my doctor’s office. Being a patient requires one to be patient. Let me explain.

I get sick two to three times per year but rarely is it serious. It’s almost as if   my body is saying, “Time to slow down, Sarah. You need to rest.” It starts out with a sore throat and a general feeling of malaise. Most of the time it never goes beyond that. I have to rest and within four to five days I am usually back to normal. This particular time it is not getting better, ergo, my trip to the doctor. Again, no other symptoms except a mild headache. No cough, no fever, no sneezing or congestion.

Patience? Even though I’m retired, I have a full and busy life. I am editing my second book (“The story she had to tell” – a novel due out next Spring), promoting my first book (“For Dear Life” – a memoir taking place in Tehran, Iran in the 1970’s), taking care of and riding my horse “Barbie”, going to the gym, reading, cleaning, etc. You get the idea. My days are full! When I am sick, I can do almost none of the above! It’s frustrating at best, crazy making when I let it go there.

You may have much more serious health issues than I, so you know how important the virtue of patience is, especially if you are a control freak who likes to have things accomplished within a reasonable amount of time.

Patience was designated a virtue for a reason. It takes faith to let your duties and responsibilities go unattended while you focus on yourself. Time to go down a few levels on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs chart to the Survival or Physiological level. (See below.)

Here is a brief description of Maslow and his HON: