Things to ponder

Yesterday I was deep into my morning prayer. There is so much suffering in the world, I thought to myself. There are so many who are troubled, in crisis or just very, very sad. A close friend of mine just lost a horse she has been working with for over a year. He had become a dear friend. A young woman who is pregnant is waiting to find out if there a health issue which could threaten her child. Someone else is presently not permitted to communicate with her grandchildren who live in another state. A young mother has a child who cannot eat and the doctors are struggling to find out why. These are just some of the people I pray for every day.

And then I heard these words: Remember who you are. The voice in my head (God?) said this to me as I was contemplating the trials that all of us must go through in life. No one’s life is easy or perfect. Remember who you are. The words flooded my mind. And that started me thinking. I am a child of God. What does that mean? It means that I am never alone, no matter what the circumstances are in my life. That yes, suffering is part of this world but there is hope because the next place I go will be devoid of suffering, pain and evil. We must hold onto that, knowing that this life is temporary, and so is the heartache.

God does not prevent all suffering, but he walks with us as we go through it. We just have to reach up for His hand, like we did as children reaching for our earthly father’s hand. It made us feel safe and secure. As a small child I would climb into my father’s lap, putting my head under his chin. I buried myself in his chest. I felt like nothing in the world could ever harm me. He was so big and I was so small. And isn’t that God compared to you?

Believe in Him. Believe in His awesome power to change you, from the inside out. To walk with you when you are troubled or frightened. To lift you up when you have fallen down. Remember who you are.

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Relationships can be difficult, rewarding, exhausting, joyful, challenging, trying, fulfilling, loving and in my mind, better than two individuals living separate lives.

A friend of mine is struggling in her relationship. This is where Sarah the MFCC (Marriage Family Child Counselor) comes in. It was my almost career but I quit one year shy of my Masters Degree. I decided I didn’t want to listen to people’s problems all day. Now if someone comes to me for advice and sometimes when they don’t, I’m all over it, around it and through it.

I pulled everything out of the proverbial hat that I could think of. I even took notes before the phone call that I knew was coming. I was deeply invested in changing her mind. Did I? I don’t know. Time will tell. I’ve done my part, maybe more than my part and now all I can do is pray and wait. That’s so hard for me. I want to be in her face very day, spouting brilliant bits of wisdom. That sounds annoying, doesn’t it? Because it would be. I know that. But it doesn’t stop me from trying to control the situation. There’s that word again – control.

No matter how badly I want her relationship to work, in the end it will be her decision, not mine. I can only stand by as a friend and hope that she has weighed all of the options carefully and thought everything through, considering the consequences above all.

It frustrates me that my carefully chosen, well intentioned words may end up on the floor, only to be swept up and tossed into the waste basket. Nothing more to do here but be a friend.

I tried to explain that relationships (especially marriage) have an element of ebb and flow – changing, growing, ups and downs, challenges and even crises occur but that only means it’s time to go to work, as a team. That’s when you bring out the big guns. You use everything in your arsenal to fight for what matters most. It’s not the time to quit, not because things get difficult. Life is difficult.

Unpleasant? Painful? Out of your comfort zone? Not what you thought your relationship would be? No one ever told you things could get ugly, scary, messy and too embarrassing to share with anyone on the outside? Yes, to all of the above. But when you get through it, you come out on the other side stronger and wiser, both as individuals and as a couple.

Can most relationship problems be fixed with help, patience, love, forgiveness, courage and faith? Yes, again. There are exceptions but only a few.

It may be sad but it has taken me most of my life to figure this out and actually put it into practice. But then some people never do.

Here’s to solving problems, being patient with one another, forgiving and loving. There was only one perfect man and that was Jesus. The rest of us are flawed. We do our best. God bless.

 

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This summer I spent two occasions watching different grandchildren of mine swim and play in a large pool. I loved watching them. I shared with them how I used to swim as a child and young adult. I knew all of the strokes – the crawl, sidestroke, breaststroke, backstroke, the butterfly. I used to be able to swim underwater up and back, a full lap, in just one breath. Since then I have had no real interest in swimming, until these two occasions, when I was watching them swim. It struck a chord in me. So a few days ago, upon returning from the barn, I announced to my husband that I was going swimming. I’m sure he thought I had lost my mind. I never go swimming! But he politely said, “Okay.” I didn’t see his face. I should have. It might have been funny.

I put on my bathing suit which I haven’t allowed anyone to see me in in years. (Getting older will do that to you, especially if you are a woman.) I got in the pool slowly, then stood at the end preparing myself for at least one full lap of the Australian crawl. I was actually excited. Then I hesitated. “What if I have forgotten how? What if I get half-way across and run out of breath? What if I drown?” I’m no longer that young girl who could swim all strokes with grace and style. I’m an “old” woman now. And then it hit me. I’ve lost my confidence here. It’s a direct result of aging. I saw it in my mother and have seen it in my sister. As we age, we often lose confidence in our abilities and sometimes for no good reason. It’s a tragic by-product of getting older.

“What else has it stopped me from doing?” I wondered. I’m not as confident dancing as I used to be. Wait a minute! I ride horses for Pete’s sake! What’s wrong with you, woman? I took a quick breath and headed for the opposite end of the pool. A bit awkward at first, I soon got my rhythm and made it to the other end without drowning. I was out of breath, though. That could be fixed with practice, I tell myself. Now for the big test – swimming under water to the other end. I took a deep breath and dove under. I swam as fast as I could. I just made it to the other end with zero breath to spare. This, too, would improve with practice. I remembered that twenty years ago I was diagnosed with adult asthma. That might have something to do with it.  The last thing I did before exiting the pool was the sidestroke and I managed a full lap before getting tired or dying.

So here is my point. If you are over 50, don’t let your mind convince you that things you used to be good at are now impossible, even if slightly modified. Don’t believe you can’t do it anymore.

I’m not talking about some crazy stunt you could get away with in your 20s but probably not so much in your 50s or 60s. I’m not suggesting that you do anything dangerous or potentially life threatening. Try to recognize when your inner voice is out to intimidate rather than encourage. That it’s trying to get you to play it safe, stay in your comfort zone, rather than inspire you to do something you’ve always wanted to do or do again. Our aging mind can hold us back rather than cheer us on. Don’t listen!

There are certainly things made for younger people to do that we should give up as we get older, but not everything falls into that category, certainly not swimming. Live your life. Enjoy it. Participate. Don’t hold onto the rocks on the bank of the river as it rushes by you. Let go!  :))

 

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On the night of his arrest, Jesus sat at the table with his disciples for the last supper. Toward the end of his time with them, he said the following.

(John 15) “I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.”

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.”

“I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you.”

In John 15 ( and I have not included all of it), Jesus says the word remain ten times. It is that important. This is how I use it. When I am having a bad day or when things are not going according to Sarah’s plan, I try to remember, remain in Jesus. It brings extraordinary comfort to me. It’s like having loving arms there to embrace you whenever you need them. Think about it, feeling alone when you are frightened or sad is the worst possible emotion. Remembering that Jesus wants you to remain in him and be close, changes everything for the better.

You are not alone. There is someone who has your back while holding you in the tenderest of embraces. Do you remember being held as a child? Feeling then that nothing could possibly harm you in this protected position? Jesus wants you to have that feeling whenever you need it. “Remain in me,” he said. “I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

Remain. One word that holds so much power, so much comfort and so much promise. “Remain in me,” he said to them. He told them that he would be leaving soon but that they were not losing him. All they had to do was to remain in him.

Remember this word – R E M A I N. Imprint it on your brain. Tattoo it onto your heart. Think of it often. Remain in His love. It will change you. It will lift you up. It will bring you joy. God bless.

 

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Even as a fairly new Christian (one year), I know intellectually that God doesn’t answer all of our prayers. And yet, there is a small part of me deep inside that wishes an exception be made for the newbies. That God would want to encourage us by answering all of our prayers, at least for the first year. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Surprise! Not really.  You’d think that if you prayed sincerely, did all of the right things, helped others and thought about God more than anything else, maybe He would help you out. It doesn’t always work that way.

As I find myself once more in a place of unanswered prayer, I vacillate between being upset with God and promising to stand in faith that maybe some day this prayer will be answered. His timeline, not mine. If you haven’t already figured it out, God’s timeline is often very different from our own.

In my current situation, there is something else going on. Our Pastor spoke about it last week. Sometimes you feel like God is not only not listening to you but that he’s nowhere to be found. You are suffering, you are praying, but to no avail. Relief doesn’t come. Why?

It’s called “living in the consequences”. It may be consequences due to your choices or (and this is a big “or”) someone else’s choices. Think of the families of the Orlando shooting. They did nothing to deserve the place of misery they now find themselves in and yet there they are. And God did nothing to stop it.

Yesterday I wanted to stop praying altogether. I spoke with a Christian friend about it. She told me I mustn’t give up. That’s exactly what “the enemy” wants us to do. Anything to get us away from God. I started thinking about all of the really good people I know who are currently “living in the consequences”. Why should I be immune?

It’s not a new concept but I had never heard it described that way before. I like it. It’s simple and comprehensible.

So here I am, living in the consequences like so many others. Keep praying. Keep the faith. God knows what is in your heart. He may not respond in your time frame, but He will respond. God’s love for you is eternal and unfailing. Never give up on Him. God bless.

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As a child I didn’t have free will. All my decisions (ones of any consequence) were made by my parents, especially my father. He was “head of household” on steroids. I soon figured out that acquiescing to the powers that be was the way to go. On the rare occasion that I tried out my own free will, I was either punished for it or simply overridden. I remember my father coming home from work one day and telling the family that we were moving to Fresno, California. “I’m not going,” I said with all the grown up determination that I could muster. “I’ll stay here!” Well, you can imagine how that went. We moved despite my protest.

I was the “good girl” and obeyed the rules of the house, even the difficult ones. I remember one night being so mad at my father that as I climbed the stairs to go to bed, when I was past his range of vision, I stuck my tongue out at him with all the anger I could spew. It felt good, especially because I knew he couldn’t see me.

As I grew into an adult, I soon realized that the choices my parents used to make for me were now mine to make. Young adults find this incredibly liberating. I can stay up as long as I want! I can watch anything on television! I can eat whenever I want and whatever I want! This is awesome! Until reality hits. Wait! You mean I have to get a job in order to eat and put a roof over my head? I have to pay my electric bill, phone bill and credit card bills by myself? That’s not fair!

God gave mankind free will so that we could choose love over hate, kindness over meanness, charity over selfishness. In His great wisdom, he knew that if we were created only to be good, without free will, we could not choose love. If there is not another option, there is no true love. And love is above everything.

But free will comes with responsibility. We must accept the consequences of the choices we make daily. Sometimes we choose poorly. Have you ever been there? I have,  and once at the expense of my sanity, my nuclear family and my happiness. (See my book, “For Dear Life”) If we make a bad decision, can we choose again? Yes, most of the time. If you kill someone, obviously, that cannot be undone. But if you make a poor choice, like agreeing to do something of questionable legality or morality, you can change that decision before it’s too late.

We make numerous decisions every day. Most of them are of little consequence. Some are more substantial, like the ones that involve other people. The world won’t care if you choose to wear the red shirt instead of the white one, but if you have the opportunity to help a friend and you don’t, then your sphere of influence has grown and more people will be impacted.

Be thoughtful in the important decisions that you make. When you do the right thing over the wrong thing, you not only feel better about yourself, but you change the world, little by little, in a positive way.

God bless.

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You’re a new Christian. You are filled with hope and the promise of great things to come. You now have an ally in your corner that you didn’t have before. You walk with a certain confidence. It’s almost like having a 300 lb bodyguard at your side 24/7. After years of walking around unsupported, you are now ready for anything. Or are you?

It’s true and even reasonable that when you first become a Christian there are expectations of good overcoming evil and right conquering wrong. In general, an air of optimism prevails. And then something happens that throws you off track. You’re sucker punched by events that you didn’t see coming. What was that? I thought I was protected from the negative. Shouldn’t I be immune from liars, evil-doers and pain?

It might seem naive to the average person, especially the long time Christian, but to someone just beginning their journey, it feels like a bonus that automatically comes with taking that first step toward Jesus.

It has been just under a year since I joined the flock. I know that all prayers are not answered, even those pitched with the utmost religious fervor. God doesn’t always give you what you ask for. Why not? Aren’t you deserving? Of course. But the specific answer eludes me. I don’t know why. I do know that when we pray for something, we are unable to see the big picture that God sees. Maybe if we got what we wanted it would prevent something much better from happening. Haven’t you ever prayed for something that you didn’t get? And then down the road,  you realized and were grateful that your prayer went unanswered because things turned out much better than they would have had you been given what you wanted.

At the time, it seems like God is ignoring you, or worse, punishing you. But – but – I believed! I read my bible! I prayed often and with an open heart. I trusted Him. What happened? Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Your most sincere and heart-felt prayers aren’t always answered. Sometimes the bad guy wins (at least for the short term). Accept it and move on.

What, as Christians, can we count on with respect to prayer?

1. Sometimes your prayers will be answered

2. Sometimes they won’t be.

3. Sometimes you will ultimately get something better.

4. God will see you through it, whatever “it” is. When you’re on the other end of an unanswered prayer it can be tough to believe that God is working things out for your good or that He is with you every step of the way to provide comfort and peace in your darkest moments.

He’s not a genie in a bottle, nor is He Santa Claus. He is God, our Father in Heaven, here for us, loving us, helping us, unfailingly. And couldn’t that be considered the greatest answered prayer? I believe so.

God bless.

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When you hear the phrase, “Go with the flow”, what comes to mind? When I was in my 20s, that was a common expression. I used to think it was sage advice. Don’t fight it, relax and go with it. You’ll only become stressed and raise your blood pressure unnecessarily if you try to swim upstream. EST had a saying, “It’s best to ride a horse in the direction that it’s going.”

Have I become a rebel in my old age? Perhaps. Think of some of the biggest achievements in history, (e.g. abolishment of slavery) or the battles that were won (e.g. Revolutionary War). Had those individuals chosen to “go with the flow”, then their achievements would be non-existent and many battles would not have been fought. The status quo would have prevailed. Is that a good thing? In the case of our greatest achievements, the answer is a resounding “No!”

In my current stage of life I am inclined not to “go with the flow”. The idea of it sounds like giving in to me, the equivalent of “don’t make waves”. Should we go along with the majority position even when we  disagree? What if the majority’s values are radically different from ours?

I’m not really much of a rebel. Under certain circumstances I might even choose to go with the flow, but certainly not in all cases, probably not most. I’m more inclined to stop, check in with my thoughts and beliefs and then move in my own direction, if they were not aligned with the “flow.”

Where did the expression come from? It was first known to be used by Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius who wrote “most things flow naturally” and in his opinion it was better to “go with the flow” than to try and change society. That would definitely be advantageous for an emperor, right? No subversion, no mutiny, no government overthrow?

Definitions:

To not have a particularly strong opinion on something and thus follow the majority.

Do what other people are doing or agree with the opinion of others.

Where do you stand on the “go with the flow” issue? I cheer for those who stand up to the majority when in their mind wrongs are being perpetrated. (Remember Hitler?)

If you are with a group of friends wondering where to go to lunch and everyone chooses Carl’s Jr. and you would prefer Marie Callendar’s, I think going with the flow would make sense and prevent you from appearing contrary or selfish. But what if the crowd is suggesting something completely abhorrent to your moral sensibilities? The answer is obvious, isn’t it?

Whether you go with the flow or march to the beat of your own drum, do it with integrity and conviction. Evaluate the situation and then commit. There is nothing wrong with going with the flow if the flow is going where you want to be!  :))

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You may believe in a supreme being but where is your attention going? What takes priority in your life? Where does your energy go?

It’s worth pondering. You may believe in God but whatever controls your thinking, comes first or devours your time is arguably the real god in your life.

Some examples:

Money: For you, the most important thing in your life is making money. The more money you make, the more “successful” you believe yourself to be.

Possessions: By acquiring more material possessions or “toys”,  you believe you will be more important and impressive in the eyes of the world.

Being “beautiful”: Creams, excessive exercise, cosmetic surgery. You believe that external beauty will gain you more friends and admirers.

These are just three examples of what can become your god. It’s where you mind goes most of the time. It’s where your energy goes and a lot of your money. Wait a minute, you say, what’s wrong with wanting more money, having more things or looking better? Nothing, as long as it doesn’t become your ultimate goal in life.

If you are a Christian, you know exactly whereof I speak. God is #1 and everything else falls beneath Him in value.

Money, possessions, physical beauty or whatever is currently your god – does it bring joy? Does it make you happy? More importantly, will it last? The simple answer is “no.” All will be gone one day, no matter how hard you try to hold on. The happiness it brings you now is short lived.

If God is not #1, then who do you turn to when your life goes south? When tragedy hits or you are overwhelmed with sorrow, where do you find comfort? Some people only turn to God in times of trouble, as if they don’t need him when life is going well.  It’s like the relative who only calls you when he/she wants something. How does it make you feel?

I have always believed in God but it wasn’t until I became a Christian that I took a serious look at my life and where my attention and heart were going. Now it’s an easy answer, God. He is the real thing, the only thing I can always lean on, seek in times of trouble and pray to, knowing that He hears my every word. He will either calm the storm I find myself in or calm me so that I can weather the storm.

Where is your attention going every day? On something substantial, real, eternal and unfailing or on the things of this Earth that will never fill the void inside you?

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  Matthew 6:21.  Your choice. God bless. :))

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I think most of you know that I am not a fan of flying. As the saying goes, “If God had intended for man to fly, he would have given him wings!” Well, it doesn’t work like that, does it? Thousands of people fly every day, be it in a small twin engine or a large commercial jet. Flying is a major mode of transportation and for many, a popular one.

On the flip side, I am a big fan of traveling to places I want to see in a fraction of the time it would take  to drive there. For example, Portland, Oregon – 2 hours flying vs 17 hours driving! And then there are the more exotic destinations – Europe, South America, Africa, etc. Places I want to go to but must get on an airplane to get there. Thus my dilemma. How to resolve?

I have researched the basic safety of airplanes. I have spoken to people (including crew members) who fly all the time without fear. I am in awe of these people. I will fly when I have to in order to get somewhere I want to be but to make it a way of life or a career, no thank you! Are they crazy?

Here are some fun facts about flying:

1. No other form of transportation is as scrutinized, investigated and monitored as commercial aviation.

2. Flying is proven to be the safest way to travel.

3. Turbulence will not bring the plane down nor will it tear off the wings!

Blah, blah, blah is what I hear. I try, I really do, to enjoy the whole flying experience. There are even moments when the flight is smooth, the sights out the window (Oh, I must have a window seat to make sure that the plane doesn’t catch fire!) are breathtaking and I think of God and the beautiful world He created. And then we hit some turbulence – big turbulence, and my blissful demeanor becomes one of sheer terror.

I had heard of people like myself who hate to fly and were given medication from their doctors to better endure the experience. Hmm. Let me look into that, I thought to myself. I did and now I take one low dose of Valium before getting on the plane. The last flight I took (2 days ago) I did just that. It calmed my nerves so much that when the turbulence hit, I glanced out the window (note the word “glanced” – I did not say “jerked my head around so fast I lost consciousness) and thought “Yes, it is indeed quite bumpy out there but somehow I’m not frightened. I actually don’t care what happens.” What?

Ah-ha! Here is my solution! It’s not 100% foolproof, however. There was some major turbulence that lasted seconds during which my nerves fought their way to the surface but it was mere seconds and I quickly recovered my equilibrium.

So, if you love flying or fly without fear, I salute you with great admiration. If you are a scaredy-cat like I am, give thought to a mild sedative. We need all the help we can get, right? Happy flying! :))

 

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