Life stories

I am a happily married lady. We just celebrated our tenth anniversary with a vow renewal – big celebration.  It was a wonderful way for us to say to each other that we want to continue being together as husband and wife. But recently I started thinking about the many things I do now on my own. This was not the case when I was a younger married woman. I was very dependent on my husband. Now things are different. Why is that and which is the better way to be?

As an older married woman it becomes painfully clear that one of these days I could be on my own. As unpleasant as that sounds, it is true. People do not live forever. My husband is several years older than I am and not as healthy. I still want him to be with me always but that is not going to happen.

It is also quite possible that I am the first to depart. He would be fine without me, at least practically speaking. I hope he would miss me terribly though!

It crossed my mind today that women, not just older women but all women, should be independent enough so that they could survive with little to no assistance from their partners, should anything happen and they end up alone. This is not earth shattering news to any of us, just something most of us probably don’t think about.  Maybe we should.

The way my thought process worked was something like this, “I certainly do a lot of things on my own. It would be nice if I had him around more often to do them with me, or help me with them.” But then I thought, “Actually, I am glad I am independent enough to deal with these things on my own. If he weren’t around, I could still function. I could still pursue my horseback riding and my writing, book signings, writing group, maintaining a household, etc. I do all of the things now without his help and without him being there.”

I believe that all women should have a certain degree of independence, married or not. My grandmother could not put gas in the family car nor could she write a check. That was pretty typical back then. My mother was more independent from the start. She did not marry until her late twenties and had traveled by herself before doing so. When my parents divorced, she stumbled a bit but found her footing rather quickly. When my father came back ten years later (yes, that really happened) she was a  stronger, much more independent woman.

I have several older women friends who are married yet remain strong and independent. It doesn’t mean that there are not times when they are feeling less of themselves or that they do not (or should not) lean on their husbands for support. It’s one of the perks! We are partners. Sometimes you are the strong one and sometimes it is your partner who has your back. This is completely natural, normal and wonderful.

When a person loses their partner or spouse, either through divorce or death, they need to be able to make it on their own, at least with the basics. That being said, it does not mean that they will not need to do some leaning, especially in the beginning, to help get them through. Those are two different things – leaning because you need support or being dependent on someone all the time to help you through life.

Teach your daughters the art of taking care of oneself. If necessary, teach you, too. It will do you well if you are ever alone one day. Life becomes less of a struggle and more of a joy. But always keep in mind if you ever need help, ask! If someone asks help of you, be there for them. As women* we have a beautiful capacity for  nurturing, giving, empathy and of course for loving.

I am woman, hear me roar!

 

* Not that men do not have the same capacity – I am speaking to women today. Please forgive my political incorrectness. :)))

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In just three days I will be marrying my husband for the second time. Ten years ago on September 12, 2004 we got married for the first time, in front of family, friends and of course, God. It was the fairy tale wedding I had dreamed of for most of my life. This second wedding, commonly referred to as a “Vow Renewal” will run a close second. I should know. I planned it all, just like I did ten years ago.

When I decided to take this on I thought, “How hard could it be? It’s just a vow renewal, not like a real wedding!” It didn’t take long for me to see the errors in my thinking. It has been EXACTLY like planning a real wedding – only back then I had more help!

In 2004 we picked our invitations and my husband’s brother-in-law who ran a printing business, printed them all. This time I created the invitations myself, using Shutterfly. This was more expensive but very personal.

We purchased a wedding package in 2004 that included the venue, food and the cake. This time it is at our home which meant that I had to find a caterer, chose a cake (I actually decided on cupcakes), rent the tables, chairs, linens and dance floor. You get the idea. Not cheap, but in the long run considerably less expensive than the first wedding.

Just shy of 60 people (including children) will be attending. My husband says not everyone will show up. I’m sure he is right. I’m hoping he is wrong.

All in all it has been an enjoyable process. But it’s easy to lose sight of the deeper meaning. This is not just a party, it is two people (Bill & I) saying we want to stay with each other so much that we would go through it all over again.

As you know, marriage is not the party, the guests, the cake or the music. It is an everyday lesson in giving, compromise, trusting, friendship, commitment and love, mostly love. And it’s something you work on every day, some days more than others. It’s not the fairy tale you listened to as a child but it can become something so much bigger and better. It just takes work and a good sense of humor.

Now, back to the party!

New dress, new shoes, a beautiful new hat.     Check.                                             Flowers for the tables.       Check                                                                                   Great dance music, both fast and slow.      Check                                                     Wine, beer, good food.                                  Check                                                     Photographer                                                   Check                                                     Spending at least the next ten years with a man who can still make my toes curl………………………PRICELESS!

Here’s to the next ten years!  :))

 

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Okay, so you know that my husband recently had his right shoulder completely replaced. Now we are home in the mending stage. This is no simple task. Pain pills must be taken, sometimes halved, dinners prepared and dishes washed. Sleeping is a challenge, for both of us. Initially it meant driving to and from places, long, far away places sometimes. Now he is starting to drive on his own. Assistance is required in getting him dressed and for the first 5 days, bathing. Then opening of pill bottles, pouring of drinks, etc. etc. etc.  “Sweetheart, could you please…….?”

My usually very independent husband has not been so independent lately.  I am also independent, used to taking care of myself. Now I am taking care of both of us. It was reminiscent of having a small child around again, one that depended on you for almost everything. I found myself getting irritable, short tempered, forcing myself to bite my tongue. I did pretty well, all things considered.

This is a very small inconvenience compared to what thousands of spouses and partners deal with every day, and for much longer periods of time. My mother did, for one, during the eight months my father lived with cancer. She had absolutely no life during that time. I can’t even imagine what that would be like. These people are heroic in their selflessness. I have great respect for them. It is not an easy job and requires saint like qualities which are either already there or must be quickly developed.

My situation is nothing compared to theirs, but it did offer me a glimpse. You see in marriage it is easy to live your day to day lives when all is well and running smoothly. (Sound familiar?) A relationship, marriage or otherwise, is truly tested in times of struggle and stress, when you are called upon to give more than you normally do, to give up having it your way more often than you are used to,  and to bring forth the patience of Job, when that is not who you are. And to do all of this with a smile on your face, compassion in your heart and love on your lips.

“In sickness and in health..” is not just a catchy phrase in your marriage vows that isn’t ever going to happen – it WILL happen. On your wedding day when you hear those words, wait, no, most of us aren’t even listening to the words, are we? Our minds are elsewhere, at the reception, thinking about how happy we are, thinking that we are finally getting married.  And then one day the sickness part shows up and we are thrown for a loop. Nobody told me there would be times that required me to carry the load! By myself? I didn’t sign up for this! (Excuse me?  Yes, you did sign up for it. Put on your big girl/boy pants and deal with it, gracefully and lovingly. It’s all part of marriage, which you freely chose.)

I can already see in my situation that things are getting better. I’m on it now. I’ve got this.  This too shall pass. But it won’t be the last time. We are older now. Things happen as we age. We need each other more. We lean on each other more. Yes, that is what I signed up for. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s called ‘Love’ and there is nothing greater. Now go do something nice for your spouse/partner that they could easily do for themselves, just because you want to.  :))

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Written July 30, 2014

I am at Saddleback Hospital. I have been here since 5:30 this morning. My husband Bill is going into surgery now for a complete shoulder replacement. He has been waiting a long time for this.  He has been in pain for a couple of years and it has gotten progressively worse. I am so glad he is finally having it done. Thank God for modern medicine.

Hopefully he will be able to come home tomorrow. I thought I would take this waiting room time to write my blog. What should the topic be? Faith? Compassion? Patience? (pun unintended). All of the above?

Faith – I begin with a belief that all will go well. I start here because starting from any other position would be an expression of negativity and that is not who I am. Faith that all is well has gotten me through many trials. You know the expression “I’ll believe it when I see it”? Well author and motivational speaker Wayne Dyer puts it differently, “You will see it when you believe it!” In other words, the belief precedes the manifestation. If you don’t believe you deserve love, for example, it probably won’t find its way to you. This is sad, tragic even, because we all deserve love.

If you believe good is for other people and not you, that only bad things happen to you, you will certainly attract the “bad” just as you predicted. Of course the opposite is true. Expect good. This does not mean that your life will be perfect or that misfortune will never find you. It means that whatever happens, in the long run, you will be okay and good will return.

Compassion – In a hospital setting, it means realizing that others are there with just as serious or more serious issues than you have. Be compassionate with them. Be comforting if spoken  to, smile at them. Be understanding of their behavior. They are probably in pain. Be compassionate with yourself as well.

(Sidebar – The young man who shared a room with my husband was in for a hip replacement. He had been in a horrific car accident many years before where another facility had botched his hip surgery. He was now finally getting it repaired so that it would function for him. But that is not all. The accident not only crushed his skull, destroyed one of his feet, broke ribs, but it left him blind. This man was only two years older than my youngest son! He had been studying to become an EMT and then he was going to volunteer for the Coast Guard so that he could rescue others. I guess God had another plan for him. This young man had an amazing attitude, was gracious and friendly, humble and polite. My heart went out to hm. He went home the same day my husband did and was happy to be doing so as his birthday was the next day and he hoped to spend it at home.  He was such an amazing young man. )

Patience – Waiting in hospitals is challenging at best. It is tedious, boring, scary, anxiety provoking, difficult, painful and tiring. Be patient with the process. Not unlike sitting in traffic on the freeway, there is nothing you can do. Well, you can fight it (to no avail) or decide to make the best of it (better decision). An even better choice would be to do something useful with your time – like writing your blog! (Not while driving, but you can come up with ideas. I do that all the time!)

So, if you find yourself in a hospital waiting room, have faith that all will go well. Be compassionate toward other “waiters” and be patient. The hours will go by and the day will come to an end. What seems like forever will soon become a memory. And while you are at it, expect good. Try doing that every day. Watch it change your life.

Update: my husband’s surgery went very well. He came home yesterday and is expected to have a speedy and complete recovery.  We are both very grateful. :))

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My young son and his wife arrive here from Oregon tomorrow. They are coming for the wedding of my older son. Both of my sons have met and have either married or are about to marry the most amazing women. If I could have designed these women from scratch, I would not have come up with anything nearly as wonderful as my sons did. And isn’t that the best we as parents can hope for? What joy it brings me to know that both of my children are happy in their lives. We all know about curve balls, but when you have a loving partner it makes it that much easier to handle the tough times.

Their first marriages were to good, strong, intelligent women. Unfortunately, they were not the right women for these two men. Marriage is tough, and unless you have a strong foundation, a solid friendship with respect, you cannot weather the storms that will inevitably show up.  My grandchildren came from these women. All five of them are smart, curious, loving and happy children.  And all boys! I love them equally and am proud to be related to them.

Getting married before you are ready usually ends up with a separation or divorce. Both of my sons tried but failed to make it work. Both of my sons made mistakes but did the best they could at the time with what they had. Despite the fact that all parties involved tried, the final result was painful and sad. I have been there myself and I know how difficult and challenging it is.

But life goes on and you hope for better times. In the case of my two sons, the better times came in the form of perfect partners. The upcoming wedding is on Friday evening and I know it will be a wonderful, joyful and love-filled occasion. Family and close friends will be attending.  Their children will take part in the ceremony and help to celebrate the beginning of a new life together. There will be music and dancing,  food and drink and laughter. I am counting on lots of laughter. I have been excited for weeks now about the wedding and having both of my sons together in the same room.  It’s like Christmas time!

If you are going through a difficult period in your life, know this – it is not who you are.  It is not the definition of your life, but merely a chapter. Time will bring change. It always does. You can count on it. Nothing stays the same. The chapter will finish and a new chapter will begin. Know in your heart that just around the corner is something good and beautiful for you. Trust that it is coming, even if it takes longer than you wish. Believe in the good that you deserve and welcome it when it gets to you.

Weddings are wonderful reminders that love and joy are real. They are not exclusive but are there for everyone. Be grateful when they find their way to you.  Be patient, trust and when it comes, celebrate the wonder that is love!

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I like order. It makes me feel in control of my life. But as we all know, life is not always neat and tidy, even with our greatest efforts to keep it so. Sometimes chaos slips in when we least expect it and we are thrown out of our orderly world and into one that makes us want to run and hide until it has left. Sound familiar? We should get used to it but we never do. We should expect it to come around occasionally but we forget about it when it is gone, convincing ourselves it will never come back. After all, we weren’t exactly welcoming!

My life currently is an example of unwanted chaos. Nothing heavy, mind you, but nevertheless an unwanted guest who is messing things up as I try to put them neatly into place. Now that I am retired I have a busier schedule than I did when I was working. (You may have heard this from other retirees.) Well, it’s  true! There is so much to do and now we finally have the time to do it! Usually on Sunday I lay out the coming week, day by day, with things that either need to get done or that I simply want to do. So on Sunday, before my son and his fiancé came over with my two grandsons, he asked if the youngest could stay with me for a few days. I don’t get to see him often and he is a sweet child, so of course! He would stay three nights and leave on Wednesday. Certainly! It will be fun! I really felt that way but inside my head my organizing brain was saying what about this and what about that? When will you do this? How can you rearrange for that? All fixable, it just added a little disorganization to my organization.

Then an unexpected visit of my niece who lives in Oregon. Not to my house, but her visit brought with it the need to go see her while she was here. When? Well she was staying with her brother, about an hour plus from our house, so maybe (it was originally thought) we could all meet at his house for dinner one night. That could easily be worked out. My sister (her mother) lives about an hour in the opposite direction, so this would be half-way for both of us. Not in the cards. My niece’s son was with her to attend a football camp about 45 minutes from my nephew’s house. (In a different direction altogether)  There would be games my niece would want to attend. That took care of the evenings. On Saturday, the day before they were leaving to go back to Oregon and the day of more football games, my sister had a hair appointment which she would now have to cancel as she would be involved with her daughter and grandson. We share a hairdresser, an hour from my house. I needed to change my original hair appointment so maybe I could take hers? But then when do I see my niece? It was finally decided, after much calculating and logistical thought, that my husband and I would drive to my sister’s house Saturday night for dinner, after all games were completed.

Oh, that is not all! I was planning lunch with an old friend for one afternoon (lives an hour from me), and a meeting with another friend that was to be in the evening one night this week. Those were finally scheduled. Oh, yes, and I am trying to plan a big family gathering which involves catering, music, invitations, etc. and a short trip to Oregon next month.  I think we are done here.

So, how do you deal with chaos when it comes to visit you? First of all, keep breathing. Take deep breaths when you think about it, several times a day would be good. When you are doing other things, forget about the craziness that is your life. Stay in the moment and enjoy whatever distracting event is going on around you. Take one thing at a time to figure out, not all at the same time. This keeps things more manageable, like taking small bites of food instead of shoving all of it into your mouth at once. If there is anything you can eliminate altogether, eliminate it! One less thing to stress about.

Time helps, too. As time passes, some things work themselves out, so be patient. Things often  end up falling into place, despite your fretting.

Now, all of my “issues” have been resolved or are resolving as we speak. My hope is that chaos is packing its bags and getting ready to depart. It might be on its way to see you!  :)))

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Having an attitude of gratitude is easy when life is going your way. You can be grateful for all of your good fortune, good health, good relationships, etc.  I remember growing up learning to be grateful for all that I had. But I never learned to be grateful when I was sick, or when I got punished, or when the boy I had a crush on laughed at me. What is there to be grateful for when things are going wrong? How can you say “Thank you, God” if you are getting a divorce, or your child is seriously ill? Very good question.

I adhere to a belief system called “Science of Mind”. It was founded by a man named Ernest Holmes. He published a book with the same title in 1938. Ernest Holmes took the best from many world religions to form Science of Mind which is a study in consciousness. It is a way of living and being that recognizes the tremendous power we have to change our own lives by changing our thinking. Do you know people who believe their lives are crappy, and their lives are crappy? And then there are people who believe their lives are good and so it is.

Without turning this into a study in religion, let me say that I have learned that being grateful, even in the dark times, can change your outlook and ultimately change your life. Rather than getting up in the morning and focusing on what is wrong in your world, think about all the things that are right with it. If you list them all on a piece of paper, which side is longer, the problem side or the blessings side? And for blessings I mean things like, a roof over my head, some money in my account, food in the cupboard, basically healthy, loving relationships, etc.  You will probably find the blessing side much longer than the problem side. And that is something else to be grateful for!

Another thing I have learned from Science of Mind that you may find a little strange. Being thankful for something that hasn’t happened yet initiates your thinking and then your actions which cooperate to bring it into being! If I say, every day, thank you, God, that I have all the money I need this month to pay my bills with a little left over. Saying it every day eventually leads you to believe it and believing in it brings the possibility of it coming true. Try it sometime! Be reasonable, however. If you say, “Thank you, God, for letting me win the lottery” it may not happen. First of all, on some level inside you, you do not believe you will really win. You cannot have any doubt in your mind of the desired effect or it will not materialize.

What about being grateful when things go wrong? First of all, it is we who label what has happened as “bad” or “good”, “horrible” or “wonderful”. We are judging it before the universe has had a chance to work through it. It may take time but eventually you will see that it was for some greater good, some greater learning, perhaps. But as human beings, it is often tough to make that leap of faith. It takes time and doesn’t always feel like something to be grateful about.

So, to make things easier, try this. Be grateful for everything that you have that works. Before you close your eyes at night or when you open them in the morning, start your day with an attitude of gratitude. Be thankful that you woke up! Be thankful for your pets, if you have them. Say “thank you” for the beautiful weather. I always say “thank you” for allowing  me and my family to get home safely every day when driving our cars. I am grateful for the abundance in my life, whatever that looks like on a particular day.  That I didn’t receive any bad news, from anywhere.  You get the idea. Try it for a week and see if it doesn’t change your outlook on life, which then changes your attitude, which changes your behavior and brings joy to you and those around you.  Trust that the universe is on your side.  My favorite movie quote is from “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”:   “Everything will be all right in the end… if it’s not all right then it’s not yet the end.”

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We’ve touched on this subject once before but it is really important to your ultimate well being.  I woke up this morning dreading what I had to do today. I was concerned about relationships, being uncomfortable, feeling left out, you name it, I felt it. I really didn’t want to feel it, i.e., negative. So I told myself, “This is going to be a good day today and everything you are concerned about will work itself out. You will feel happy . Stop stressing over it!” I didn’t have to think long and hard about it. I didn’t have to go into a deep meditation (although it might have been helpful), I didn’t have to repeat it over and over again. I said it once, believed it and left the house, open to whatever was going to happen.  I flipped the switch!

I had a perfectly good day because I decided to have one. It was as simple as that. Things worked out and everything was fine. No stress, no drama, BECAUSE I SAID SO! This is such an important yet simple concept that I cannot emphasize it enough. Decide that no matter what happens in a given day, you will rise to the occasion, deal with it effectively and ultimately enjoy the hours that were given to you. It works! Does this mean that when you do that, nothing will go wrong? Does it mean that your day will be filled with perfection? No! What it does mean is that your attitude will take you through the day’s events either smoothly or with much drama and misery. Life happens. We don’t always get what we want. Things don’t always turn out the way we expect them to. And yet, sometimes, when you start your day with a “This will be a great day!” attitude, things will actually go your way. The question mark answers will be “Yes” rather than “No”.  People you interact with will be friendly and kind. You will get to have it your way, not always, but more often than not, depending on what you told yourself at the beginning of the day.

Do you remember the book years ago called “The power of positive thinking?” What I am saying is very similar. Can you always do it? Can you always turn your thoughts to positive ones? Of course not. We are human and can’t make ourselves positive 24/7. But with a little effort, on the days that you are neutral, or worried, or stressed, try approaching your day from the positive side and see what happens. It may surprise you.

I play this “game” with myself often. It starts with the thoughts, the positive ones. Then the conviction comes that I will not retreat back to negative thoughts for the duration of the day. Then the belief that it will make things right. The trust that all is well in my world. Do I have issues I cannot control that are ongoing, make me sad, frustrated or even angry? Yes, but I hold out and trust that eventually they will work themselves out and I will feel good about them again. And, if they don’t, I will survive and be happy anyway.  Be happy anyway. Your choice, right? Why would we want to choose otherwise?

Experiment. Try my game. When you get up in the morning, call it a good or even a great day. Hold that thought and see what happens. Then share your story with me. I would love to hear. Flip the switch!

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I don’t know about you but I don’t wake up with a full brain every day. Especially if I have not had a good night’s sleep, my brain does not want to cooperate with me. And lately, for some reason, I am not having many consecutive good nights of sleep. Like last night. And today, of course, I planned to write my blog which I could not write yesterday as I was out all day. (Good excuse, right?) So here I am, at my computer, squeezing the words out, painfully.  Why don’t I just postpone my blog until tomorrow, you ask? Well, I am too disciplined for that, I’m afraid. And besides, what if I don’t sleep well tonight either? This could go on for days!

Using the word “brilliant” with tongue in cheek, do you have days when your brain is elsewhere, on a virtual vacation, perhaps and nothing brilliant is coming out of it? I’m sure your answer was “yes”. We all do. It seems age has a sneaky way of influencing your brain. The older you get, the harder I think it is to kick start your serious thinking. Maybe that’s not true. Maybe I have fallen prey to what the “experts” tell us.

Okay, so my excuse shall not be age, it shall be lack of sleep. There are days when I can sit down at my computer and spew out brilliant words that please and even surprise me.  As you may have guessed, that isn’t happening today.  And so I must live with it, believing that it is a temporary affliction.

Why am I blathering on about something so trivial, you ask? The lesson here is that we are not the same person every day. Obvious things aside, some days we feel more brilliant, more alive, more confident. Then there are days when the strong, capable person is nowhere to be found. Do not dismay. Go with it. Accept that it is an “off” day for you and be kind to yourself. Fighting it will only make you feel worse.  So today I am going to fulfill my obligation which is to buy food for my horse, deliver it to the barn and walk and groom her. Then I am going to come home and vegetate in front of the TV and forgive myself for being “lazy” today. It is the only way to keep one’s sanity. If you are exhausted, if your brain is not cooperating with you, give it a break! Give yourself a break! There are plenty of days for you to find a cure for cancer, end world hunger or solve our environmental issues. But if today is not a good day for that, then so be it. Do the minimum required of you and then give yourself a pass. You might even do something indulgent like go to a movie where you will sit and eat popcorn with butter (yes, I said butter!) and lose yourself in someone else’s story. Or take a bubble bath, or plain bath, soak in the tub and tell your brain it has the day off. It will reward you for it later!

We are sometimes caught up in old messages we received as children that we have to be productive every day, no matter what. Being lazy or giving in once in a while to your fatigue and/or lack of brain power is tantamount to being worthless. NO!! You can’t be brilliant every day and that’s ok.  You can solve the world’s problems tomorrow. As Vivian Leigh said in “Gone with the Wind”, ” After all, tomorrow is another day.”  :))     Go California Chrome!!!!!

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When I was a child and either frightened or sad, my mother would cradle me in her arms and say, “Mummy knows, mummy knows.” At the deepest level possible for me at the time, I knew she meant that she understood and that everything was going to be all right. It was the most comforting feeling I ever had, ever. Since she passed away more than twelve years ago, whenever I am in need of comfort and no one is around, I can go to that place inside and call upon the memory and the feeling it gave me.

Our mother is the first connection we have to life. It is how we judge the world when we are very young. Is it a friendly, warm and loving place or is it a cold and frightening one? Not everyone is blessed with a nurturing, loving mother as my sister and I were. There are many kinds of mothers. It cannot be said that they are either warm and loving or cold and cruel. There are mothers all across the spectrum.

Your mother may be your fist connection to the world but she is certainly not the only source of comfort or nourishment. In the case of adoption, your birth mother is not someone you stay with, rather an adoptive mother. Whether you were adopted or not, let’s say that your mother was not a warm or nurturing person. Unless these children form bonds with another human being or beings, they will not have the experiences that a loving parent might have given to them. That being the case, what do they do as children or later as adults when they are troubled or hurting?

Some find comfort in drugs or alcohol, food or the intimacy of sex. Some look for it in every person they meet, and they spend their lives going from one person to the next until they find it. Some find it in God or Jesus or Mohammed or Buddha or.. Some of these people marry someone who provides that missing ingredient in their lives. There are many ways we can eventually get the comforting feelings we might have missed as children. Some are obviously healthier than others.

When I was single, which was for many years, I dated several men who did not have loving relationships with their mothers. Their mothers were either emotionally unavailable, abusive or gone. I wondered if part of the attraction they had for me was the fact that I was a warm and loving, nurturing woman. I believe so.

If you no longer have a mother, like me, then you each have your own way of finding the comfort and solace that you need as a flawed human. The “mother” qualities of nurturing, caring, loving, patient and empathetic can be found in other places, in other humans, and perhaps most importantly, within ourselves. If you did not grow up with a first hand knowledge of these attributes, then you may need to learn them in order to become your own source.

Mother Earth, Mother Nature, the genesis of life. Look inside yourself to find yours. And on Sunday, celebrate with gratitude, the mother within.

 

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