Author: Sarah Tauber

As human beings we have an abundance of stuff, things we have accumulated over the years, stuff we covet and stuff we have but don’t need and never use. We also have mental stuff – thoughts, worries and regrets that fill our minds on a regular basis, interfering with the daily task of living, at least productive, healthy and joyful living.

When problems arise, when we are faced with challenges, hurt and pain, we turn to God. But how can we commune with God when our minds are a jumbled mess? How do we focus on Him when we have no focus, when we can’t focus on anything? Have you been there?

It happened to me this morning. I sat down to have my quiet time with God but my mind would not cooperate. I’m a juggler at the moment, balancing several plans at once and trying to keep any or all of them from crashing to the floor. Breathe, Sarah, just breathe. Push everything out of the way. Clear a space.

This is a beautiful phrase coming out of a six part sermon on The Lord’s Prayer by David Brisbin, a pastor in San Juan Capistrano, Ca. I have listened to it twice. The pastor speaks the prayer in Aramaic, its probable original language. He then breaks it up into five sections, interpreting and translating it so that the listener will hear it as the multitudes heard it from Jesus’ lips over two thousand years ago. After you have listened to this version, you will never hear The Lord’s Prayer the same way again. Our translation is about as close to the actual meaning as the East Coast is to the West Coast. The problem is that we hear and understand it from a western cultural point of view. Jesus belonged to an eastern culture. In the 1970s I lived for two years in Tehran, Iran and soon realized I had no frame of reference there.

Pastor Brisbin takes the first part,  Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name, and condenses it to the phrase Clear a space.  In order to be in unity with God, we must separate ourselves from all earthly matters and make a space for God to show up. It struck me as such a simple yet powerful concept that it has now become a mantra for me. Clear a space first if you want God to come in.

I would highly recommend you purchasing or borrowing this set of six cd’s. I got mine from Amazon. It is a treasure and the new understanding you gain from listening to it (I would suggest more than once) will change how you see your life and your world.

I didn’t mean for this to become an infomercial for David Brisbin’s cd’s but so be it. Do you want or need a new perspective on life? Do you feel stuck in old patterns that take you from one miserable place to another? Are you simply unhappy or unfulfilled? Even if your life is going well, I highly recommend that you listen to these six cd’s. Each one takes about 45 minutes. I listen in my car to and from the barn which is an hour round trip. It’s an investment in time that will change your life forever. God bless.

I was feeling a little run down. My throat was sore and I was sneezing more frequently than my allergies warranted. No! I can’t get sick now! I’m supposed to go to Portland on March 26th. That was less than two weeks away! I just got over bronchitis for Pete’s sake. This can’t be happening. I started downing  Vitamin C in the form of Airborne. In desperation I bought the Zicam nose swabs that had helped me in the past. I am not getting sick again!

Things got worse. I developed a cough, a very deep rattling cough. Because I have asthma, that worried me. I couldn’t possibly be getting bronchitis again. I had recently been exposed to two people who were sick. One of them was my son. I knew he had a cold but I don’t see him that often and so I had to hug him. How do you not hug your kid?

A few days after both of these exposures, I felt like I had full blown bronchitis. Well, there’s still time to get over it before I have to fly, I thought to myself. All is not lost, yet.

I figured it was viral and so I stayed home, rested, took cough medicine and waited it out. I developed a slight fever which I had for three days. The cough became worse and now I was wheezing terribly when I went to bed at night. It sounded like someone was inside my chest crinkling up thin plastic sheets of paper every time I exhaled. Nyquil was the only thing that allowed me to sleep.

I gave in and called my doctor the following morning and went to see her the next day. She had me get a chest x-ray. They called me while I was at the pharmacy getting my prescription filled for an extra inhaler.  “You have pneumonia. The doctor is calling in a prescription for antibiotics. You need to come back in ten days for a follow up chest x-ray.” Oh great. Pneumonia. That’s just swell. A month ago it was bronchitis that messed with my normal routine. Now pneumonia was going to do more than that. It was going to prevent me from going to Portland to see my newest grandbaby.

Why am I telling you this? Because sometimes, against all the odds,  against everything that would seem fair, you get kicked in the stomach. It just so happened that the week I got diagnosed with pneumonia, my husband, who is in constant horrific pain awaiting a hip replacement, had an especially bad few days. It was all I could do to keep from feeling sorry for myself. Every morning when I awoke, despair was sitting in the chair next to my bed. “Good morning, Sarah,” she would say mockingly. “But then again, it isn’t really a good morning now is it?”

I knew I had a choice to make and not much time to make it. I abolished despair to the netherworld and told myself everything was going to be fine. I would get better. I would take care of my husband and make his life as pleasant and comfortable as possible. We would get through this. I would postpone my trip to Portland and life would go on. My other choice was to wallow in self pity, make my husband’s already challenging life more difficult and end up with both of us at the bottom of the well.

I’m going to Portland in May. My husband’s surgery is less than four weeks away. I am back in my normal routine and in control of my world. My husband was more than grateful for my positive attitude and for taking such good care of him. It has actually brought us closer.

Next time life kicks you in the stomach, straighten yourself up, show despair the door and carry on, knowing that you will get through whatever it is and come out on the other side stronger, wiser and more resilient. God bless.

I’m overwhelmed. My husband has been in pain since mid-December and  it has gotten progressively worse over the last few months. He is living on pain killers, which, unlike their name, are not “killing” anything, except maybe his brain. He has gone through more than one diagnosis. The first one was spinal stenosis.  His pain doctor had a temporary solution, an injection of cortisone. We were holding our breath and hoping for a miracle. The days dragged until his appointment. I had to drive him there because they said he would be woozy afterwards and unable to drive. No problem. We left the house at 6:30 am, not speaking much on the hour and a half drive,  just praying to ourselves that this would do the trick.

It didn’t. Two weeks later we were going through the same exercise for a different kind of injection. “This one should work,”said the pain doctor. We put all of our hopes on that one. It didn’t work either. We were despondent. What next?

An appointment with a back surgeon. It still hasn’t happened yet. March 21st was the earliest date. However…… In the meantime the pain has gotten worse. It is coming from his left hip and knee, not his back. Because we were getting nowhere with the first pain doctor,  my husband got a referral to a different one. He saw him yesterday. They both agreed (the doctor and my husband) that all things pointed to a hip replacement, not back surgery. (That sounded better to me, not as risky.)

He also had an injection for him to try. They did that this morning. It didn’t work. But it didn’t work because my husband has a “bone on bone” situation in his hip. The next step is a referral (which he already has) to a hip replacement surgeon. He is going to call today to set up that appointment.

My husband, being the superman that he is, continues to go to work every day (an hour and a half drive each way). He comes home with his hand out before he reaches the living room, looking for a pain pill. I am his drug dealer. He wants it that way.

I am praying with all that I have that he can have the hip replacement surgery sooner than later and that we can put this time behind us for good. It has been beyond trying. For him, for the obvious reasons and for me, well, maybe that’s obvious too. We are over it and ready to move on with some semblance of normalcy. Please!

This morning was stressful because I was waiting to hear if the injection had worked or not. And then the toilet overflowed the bathroom and the hallway. As I cleaned it up, I could feel myself seconds away from losing it, from sitting on the water soaked floor and crying. I chose not to. You can do this, I said to myself. Don’t let go now. It’s going to be okay. Hang on a little longer.

Sometimes we find ourselves in the middle of a storm. Don’t hide in the corner and suck your thumb, as inviting as that may be. Face the storm and know you have what it takes to get through it. Better days are coming. Keep that in the forefront of your mind. See the other side and know not only does it exist but it is waiting for you with open arms.

You can do this, no matter what it is you are going through. Pray and know that God will see you through it. Believe in your inner warrior. If you need to cry, go ahead. Then put your combat boots on and march right through that storm. God bless.

“It’s beeping again!”  I said with great frustration. “What?” my husband asked. “The alarm, it’s beeping again. I thought you cancelled our service.” “I did, but they said it could take up to 30 days to process.” The beeping, emanating from our keypad in the bedroom,  keeps us awake at night. We were told it was due to some problem at a local cell tower. I had had enough and called them, ready for a fight.  Several stressful minutes later we were cutting the  wire at the back of the keypad to completely disconnect it. What they told us to do over the phone was not working. Done. “Do you feel better now?” my husband asked cheerfully, hoping for a satisfied response. “Not really,” I replied. “Now I am completely stressed out. I hope they don’t expect me to continue paying the bill until they get around to processing the cancellation, because I won’t!”

I had had a good day. This was about to ruin that.  Take a deep breath, Sarah. Just breathe. I did and eventually got past it. Some things just aggravate me to no end. Can you relate? There are things that would upset some people that I can easily deal with. But there are other things that get under my skin and won’t let go. What to do? Breathe!

In case you didn’t know, life is not peaches and cream all the time. Stuff happens to take you off center, unnerve you. We often find ourselves overreacting, although not warranted. Those are the things I am talking about here. We get rattled and stressed out even though it doesn’t deserve the amount of time and  energy we are giving it.

There is a great Christian song entitled “Just breathe”. I think of it as I find myself losing control of my equilibrium. There’s a lot to be said for taking a long deep breath, in through the nose and out through the mouth. It slows you down, physically, mentally and emotionally. Such a great tool at our fingertips and yet we don’t do it often enough. I do slow, deep breathing at night when I am trying to sleep. It relaxes me. It also provides oxygen to your cells. Something I learned recently. Bonus.

In the middle of an argument, stop and take a deep breath. When you feel anger, frustration, extreme stress, breathe deeply. Waking up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep? (that would be me) Breathe slowly. I usually count to 10, then work my way up to 15 or 20 as I inhale and exhale.

Life is stressful. Whatever the cause, stopping to breathe will help diminish the negative emotions and make you feel more calm and peaceful.  Try it next time you feel yourself losing control. Don’t react, just breathe. :))

When I was taking karate with my son many years ago, I remember our Sensei telling us that the best response to a blow coming at you is not to be there. It surprised me at the time and even disappointed me. I was learning all these wonderful self-defense moves and I wanted to be able to use them!  If someone tries to punch you, get out of the way! And so my best advice in dealing with difficult people is to avoid them. Unfortunately this will work in only a small number of cases. Most of the time we cannot avoid these people. We either work with one, are in a social group or organization with one or maybe we are living with one! What do we do?

My second suggestion for those of us who cannot avoid them but who do not see them all the time is to be pleasant but do not engage. Keep your contact minimal. Smile, be respectful but do not go deeper than that, i.e., keep it superficial. Going beyond respectful pleasantries could be a recipe for disaster.

If that won’t work in your particular situation, I’d say this – look for something positive about them (not impossible). Compliment them (sincerely, don’t be fake). Be nice to them and offer to help when appropriate. You may be labeling someone “difficult” who could, with some patience, empathy and understanding on your part, become a friend. Sound incredible? It isn’t. This approach is most desirable if the person plays a significant role in your life.

I have worked with difficult people in the past. Every time I truly believed it would  be resolved as soon as I left that employer. Wrong. There will always be challenging people coming in and out of your life. Get used to it and learn how to cope. Try one of my suggestions depending on the situation. I believe it will make your life less stressful and might even make you a better person. God bless.

My father was strict. My mother was a softie. It was a very good balance for me and my sister growing up, but my father dominated the household. If you misbehaved, it wouldn’t take long for the you-know-what to hit the fan. Those sixty seconds before getting spanked were horrifying. So the last thing in the world I wanted to do was make Daddy mad. And so I tried to make sure he was happy with me at all times. This turned me into a people pleaser as an adult. I enjoy making people feel good and keeping things peaceful. Don’t get me wrong. I have learned to confront when necessary; but it is not my favorite thing to do.

Because this is my nature,  I am prone to help when called upon.  Recently that situation came up at the barn (it seems like everything comes up at the barn) which is still ongoing. I have offered my assistance temporarily (6-8 weeks – we’re at week 5) which means more work for me and longer hours there. Initially it was novel and even fun. Now it feels more like work and I am beginning to resent the other person who agreed to share who isn’t. I am spending more hours there than I want to. I am exhausted when I get home and the other-than-barn duties I have are being ignored. I found myself getting irritable and upset enough to keep me awake in the middle of the night. I worried that I might be expected to carry on with these extra duties after the 6-8 weeks are over. No! I heard myself saying. Enough is enough!

I confronted. I was assured that the extra tasks are temporary and concessions can be made to reduce the amount of time I have to be there. Whew! A lot of the problem was in my head. That is not a rarity.

Sometimes people pleasers reach their tipping point. That’s what happened to me. Instead of being in a loving frame of mind I was becoming more grouchy. I knew something had to give. I stopped feeling generous and started feeling resentful. This can happen in a relationship and often does. One partner is not pulling his or her weight. The other person, initially being considerate and caring, slowly feels put upon and resentful. They may not want to confront their partner.  What happens then is that little things start irritating them and small fights break out. The fights seems to be over the little things but actually the culprit is the bigger issue of resentment.  Not good. Communication up front is so important. Your partner may not even realize they are taking advantage of your good nature. Talk to them before the situation builds to a huge fight and a confused partner watches you walk out the door. Deer in the headlights moment for sure.

I feel much better now that I have spoken out about what was bothering me. Years ago I would try to hold it in and tell myself I need to be kinder and less selfish. That doesn’t work so don’t even try it. Have a conversation. Lay it all out there but do not be angry and disrespectful when you speak out.  This is an opportunity for growth and understanding and that is a good thing. When it’s time to say “Enough!” say it!  God bless.