Author: Sarah Tauber

Ain’t it awful?

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

The conversation went like this.

You: Hi Sally, How are you doing?

Sally: Ugh. I’ve been better.

You: What happened? What’s wrong?

Sally: Well, first of all the weather is crappy today and it’s ruining my hair. Secondly, I was late to work by ten minutes which I’m sure ticked off my boss. I didn’t sleep well last night so I’m really tired right now. Should I go on?

You: Gee, Sally, I’m sorry that you are having a bad day. Want to go get a nice lunch together?

Sally: No, I really can’t afford it. Not on my salary. My company is really ripping me off. I deserve to get much more than I am being paid. But then they’re a lousy company anyway.

You: Have you thought of changing jobs?

Sally: Sure, but it’s too hard to get work right now. And besides, who would want to hire me at my age?

And on it goes. The negativity about Sally’s life in her own words. Do you know someone like that? After you are around them for any length of time it almost feels as if their negative energy is invading your body and you walk away feeling heavy and depressed. You want to wash it off and start all over but with a different person. Someone other than Sally.

Years ago there was a book entitled, “Games People Play” by Eric Berne, originally published in 1964. I read it back then, not fully understanding its deeper meaning and significance. Not until I had lived more life and met more people. One of the games is called “Aint’t it awful?”.  No matter what their circumstances, no matter what is going on around them, the world looks grey to these people and sometimes black.

You can take two people who experience the same things and one of them will use the tough times to grow and become stronger while the other person will take the opportunity to bring others down to their level.

Bad stuff happens to everyone. No one is immune. There are things we have little or no control over that we must deal with every day. The key is how you handle these things that determines your character and your happiness quotient. That same conversation above could have gone like this, were it a different person on the other end:

You: Hi Mary. How are you doing?

Mary: Hi. I’m good. I was late to work today by ten minutes so I took the time off of my lunch hour. I’m sure my boss won’t mind. I didn’t sleep real well so I’m a bit tired, but that just gives me a great excuse not to work out tonight! Ha ha. How are you doing?

You: I’m good. Hey, do you want to go grab a quick bite? We could catch up. I know a place that will serve us right away so that you won’t be late going back to work.

Mary: Sure! That would be fun! I’m feeling kind of broke this week so it can’t be too expensive. I’m getting discouraged about my job. I don’t think they appreciate my hard work. I’m refreshing my resume right now so that I can find something where I’m not only valued but where I can advance my career. I’m sure there will be someone out there who could use my talent!

You: Absolutely. Good for you. Now let’s go get some lunch!

Mary is a much more positive person, as you can tell. Her outlook on life will take her far. She is consequently nicer to be around. Her positive energy rubs off on those around her.

Why do some people play “Ain’t it awful?” People who play games do so because there is a payback for them. In the case of “Ain’t it awful?” the payback is usually that they get to look like a victim. It makes people feel sorry for them. It also shifts responsibility for their lives to outside forces, leaving them with no accountability.

If you have people in your life who play “Ain’t it awful?” and you cannot avoid them, try to limit your time with them. If you get stuck sometimes, think of other things while they are droning on about how terrible their life is. And then get away and do something good for yourself. Something that makes you happy. Don’t let their negativity attach to you.

Choose friends who make you feel good about yourself and life in general. These are the people who will boost you up, encourage and inspire you. These are the ones to surround yourself with, not the “Ain’t it awful?” types. Avoid them if you can. They will only bring you down.

Your time is precious. Spend it wisely and with those who add to you, not take away.   You’ll be happier for it.    :))

 

 

Pray with your feet moving

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

When I was a little girl, praying meant getting down on my knees on the side of the bed, closing my eyes and pressing my palms together in front of my chest. It always started with “Dear God,  please….” and ended with “Amen”. That sort of sealed the deal, the amen part at the end.  I also said the “Now I lay me down to sleep..” prayer but with a different ending. My father didn’t like the original – “If I should die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take.” And so he created a new ending. The whole thing went like this: “Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord in health to keep, all of those who are to me, a warm and loving family.” Nicer, don’t you think? I said that every night as a child with either my mother or father sitting on my bed. It was a comforting way to begin my slumber .

In my teens, 20s and 30s I still prayed but not down on my knees and the prayers were of a completely different nature. But they were still asking for something. And when I was finished, I left everything to God, whether or not my prayers would be answered.

Fast forward to my 40s which is when I learned about Science of Mind or Religious Science. It is NOT Scientology but is similar to Unity, Unitarian and actually many religious beliefs. The founder, Ernest Holmes, took what he thought to be the best from many religions to form Religious Science. It teaches of the power we each hold to change our lives for the better. One of the things I learned early on was that prayer is not enough. You must take the actions necessary to get what you have prayed for.

If there is something you want to attain or accomplish you pray about it but not as if you are asking for a favor.  You see it as possible. You see it as already given to you. You give thanks for having it. And then you follow up by taking the steps that will bring it to fruition. By believing in the possibility, your mind starts giving you ideas of how to make it happen.

Example, I want to win blue ribbons at my level in Dressage this year in one or more shows. It doesn’t stop with me praying for that. I can’t just want it to happen and then wait to see if it does. I state it and then I must “move my feet” or take the action required to make that happen. It starts with a commitment. I must practice, work with my trainer, focus on what she teaches me and work at it until it is as good as it can be. Then I will have done everything in my power to achieve my goal. Does that mean I am guaranteed to win a blue ribbon? No, of course not. But without my commitment, without my work and dedication, the desired outcome will be less likely.

“God helps those who help themselves.” Ever hear that one? You come up with the goal, the dream. You pray about it. Ask for guidance, for clarity, for ideas. You wait. You figure out what needs to be done in order to give you the best chance of getting what you want. And then you do it. You take the steps, one at a time, so that you are in the best possible position to win.

Prayer + Action = Results.

“Vision without execution is just hallucination.”     Henry Ford

No matter how you choose to pray, realize that with the exception of things you have no control over, some kind of action must follow the prayer in order to achieve the desired results.

And when you get what you want, don’t ever forget to say “thank you”.  Gratitude, like amen, seals the deal. :))

The plight of being vulnerable

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

Webster defines vulnerable as 1) capable of being physically wounded; 2) open to attack or damage, assailable.  Wow, that sounds like a good thing, right? Not really. But you have probably heard or often been told that the only way to find love is to be vulnerable. The problem with this sage piece of advice is that by being vulnerable you are completely open to being hurt, not something we long for.

A person who is vulnerable opens up their heart, doesn’t play games, eliminates the walls or facades so that they are truly themselves and you (or anyone else for that matter) are welcomed in, in hopes that you come with (crossing fingers) good intentions. No guarantees, right?

It is very sad that there are many people who never find love because they wish to protect themselves against the hurt and pain that might result if they were to let someone in. My father used to tell me that if you are going to feel, feel it all. It is the only way you can experience life to its fullest. You cannot pick and choose. If you are open,  you are open to all of it. You will feel the joy and happiness to the maximum but you will also feel the pain and sadness that comes from loss. It’s all or nothing.

People who refuse to be vulnerable have basically shut themselves off from the substance of life. They go about their days in a protective shell which no one can pierce. Are they happy? I don’t think so. They might think so. Maybe that’s enough for them. But by not allowing anyone inside, to really get to know them, they are preventing the most amazing experiences from happening. You see, the joy is locked out as well as the pain.

Playing it safe, I believe is the phrase. Are you playing it safe or living your life?  Do you allow people to pierce your outer shell to find the wonderfulness of you? Or are you afraid what they may find when they get there? Is it scarier to imagine what might happen if someone were allowed in then to keep them out?

I was single as an adult for more years than I want to admit. I dated many men. When I found what I thought was a good one, I allowed them to know the real me. Yes, sometimes I ended up being hurt, sometimes it was just okay and I figured out quickly that this person was not worth getting to know on a deeper level. Sometimes I was the one doing the hurting. But when it was good, it was very good. Had I kept my walls up, I would have escaped the pain but also the joy. Even after painful breakups, I found other relationships in which  to be vulnerable.  I read once that Mae West, after being hurt by her lover, got up, dusted herself off and said loudly and clearly, “Next!”

Being vulnerable is not just about finding a mate. It is about making friends, finding God, making a difference in the world. How can you make your mark in life if no one can know the real you? Be your true self. I am sure that you are a beautiful gift which needs to be shared with the world, in order to make it a better place for all of us.

When I wrote my first book, a memoir, “For Dear Life” and started speaking about it in public venues, I was scared to share my story. It showed that I was not a perfect, got it together kinda gal, but flawed, very flawed. That was difficult for me to do. I did it so that others who have made similar mistakes would know that happiness can be found again. Life goes on and we learn from our past. Joy might be just around the corner.

Being vulnerable allows you to be in the game. Don’t stand on the sidelines. Participate. Not everyone will want you or love you or think you are amazing. But there will be at least one who will. And isn’t that worth it? There is nothing greater than to love and be loved however that shows up. Live your life with gratitude and enthusiasm. Be authentic. Take it all in. And be glad that you are here. :))

 

 

“The Story She had to Tell” – tease scene

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

Below is a scene from my new novel – “The Story She had to Tell”.  The scene takes place in the spring of 1952 in Havana, Cuba.  Madeleine and her college friend Georgiana are about to walk into the infamous Tropicana Nightclub. It is their first night in Havana. Madeleine is a young woman in her early twenties and although intelligent, is naive and unworldly. She doesn’t realize it but her life is about to change dramatically.

“Our cab dropped us off by the front door. The door opened, and I could hear music coming from inside. The song was unfamiliar to me, but I loved the beat. ‘Can you hear that?’ I asked my friend.

“‘Oh, yes, isn’t this going to be a fabulous night?’

“‘I certainly hope so,’ I said under my breath.

“We walked into the building and were shown the way to the club. In addition to the club was a gambling room filled with smoke and people winning and losing lots of money. I was not interested at all in the gambling room. Take me to the dancing! And so we walked past the gambling and followed our ears to the nightclub. There was a stage on the other side. Directly beneath the stage was a fifteen-piece orchestra. On the stage was a singer with a microphone, singing something in Spanish. She was strikingly beautiful. She had dark skin and dark eyes with wavy black hair that was pinned back from her face. She wore bright-red lipstick that took your eyes directly to her mouth. Her dress was multicolored, which complemented both her figure and her hair. I wondered if she was famous, but I had never seen her before.

“We were escorted to a table in the middle of the room but close enough to the dance floor so that getting there—after we were asked to dance, of course—would not be too much of a problem. It was a small round table with a lamp on it, which gave off a warm, subtle light. The waitress came over to take our drink orders before I had even decided what I was going to have.

“‘I’ll have a martini,’ Georgiana told her.

“The waitress then looked at me in anticipation. ‘I’ll have a manhattan,’ I said quickly, feeling like I was being timed. Then I checked with her to make sure she knew what that was. She did.

“‘I’ll be right back with your drinks, ladies,’ she said cheerfully as she walked briskly away from our table. She had to have been around my age but looked much younger. I wondered if they had hired teenagers to serve cocktails. Georgiana thought it was possible but wasn’t sure.

“Soon the music stopped, and the singer announced that they were going to take a twenty-minute break. ‘Well, what do you think?’ Georgiana turned to me and asked.

“‘It’s spectacular! Beautiful! It feels like I’m dreaming!’ Georgiana laughed. It made her happy to be able to show me this. She knew it would be an experience very far from bland, and she was right.

“We chatted until the band returned to play another set. The same singer got on the stage, but this time, a handsome Cuban gentleman joined her. They sang a duet. ‘That man is very good-looking!’ I remarked.

“‘Yes, he certainly is. He must be a regular here. I remember him from five years ago. He’s even better looking now, if that’s possible.’

“I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He had a beautiful voice and a look about him that made my toes curl. No one had ever had that effect on me before. Get a hold of yourself, Mina. Let’s not get carried away here. Completely ignoring my inner voice, I stared at him until the song was finished and he left the stage. ‘I think our eyes met, once,’ I said to Georgiana.

“She smiled and said, ‘I’m sure he meets lots of eyes looking his way when he’s up on stage.’

“‘I suppose you’re right,’ I replied as my mouth turned downward. But there was a part of me that was certain that he held my eyes for longer than necessary to be just glancing about the room. I didn’t share this thought, however, but rather kept it to myself.

“‘I have to go to the ladies’ room,’ Georgiana said, interrupting my reverie.

“‘Okay, sure. I’ll be here when you get back.’ I forced a smile. She’s not going to ruin this fantasy of mine, I thought. I know when a man is staring at me, and he was staring at me! I’m sure of it!

“I started looking around the room to pass the time while she was gone. I looked over to the bar and there he was. The male singer was getting a drink, and then he turned and looked around the room as well. Lightning must have struck the building because I saw it as he glanced my way. This time, when he caught my eyes, he smiled at me! I was stunned, frozen to my seat. You stupid idiot, I thought, smile back! It took me a while to remember how to smile, but I finally did. As we were smiling at each other across the room and I was back in my fantasy, Georgiana returned from the ladies’ room and I was forced to look at her. Damn!

“‘What are you smiling about—or should I say smiling at?’ She followed my line of sight until she saw him, the beautiful man at the bar. Now he was talking to someone and no longer looking in my direction.

“‘Did he see you smiling at him?’ she asked.

“‘Of course! He started it. I was looking around the room to kill time until you got back to the table. I looked over at the bar and saw him getting a drink. And then he looked straight at me and smiled! And he kept smiling at me, and so I smiled at him and then you came back!’

“‘I’m so sorry. Should I leave so that you can continue your whatever it is?’

“‘Of course not. I just want you to know that he started it!’ At this point, Georgiana began to laugh, a little bit at me, but mostly with me.

“‘Of course he was smiling at you. Look at you, you’re a beautiful woman! He’s a red-blooded young male. It only makes sense!’ I wasn’t sure how to take her comments, so I just looked at her. I wondered to myself if anything more was going to happen that night that would include that gorgeous Cuban.

“I didn’t need to wait long to know the answer to that question. As soon as the band started up, I saw him walking toward our table. My heart stopped, and so did my breathing. He walked over to us and looked directly into my eyes. ‘Hello, ladies. My name is Carlos Sardina. It would be my greatest privilege to dance with you this evening.’ He was looking straight at me, and I could feel the warmth from his eyes spread from my neck to the top of my head.

 The book will soon be available on Amazon.com.   :))

Endure

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

This word popped into my head yesterday. I have no idea why except that perhaps I was supposed to write about it. I love this word. I love it because it has many layers and a profound meaning. It is not a casual word. It is not a mundane word. It is a substantial word.  Once you have endured, you are that much stronger for having known it.

The definitions I found were: 1) To suffer (something painful or difficult) patiently.  Synonyms listed were undergo, go through, live through. 2) To remain in existence, to last. Synonyms: survive, persevere, remain, stay.

To suffer something painful or difficult and to do it patiently. How do you do that? It takes great strength and faith. What do you do during a difficult or painful time if you decide not to endure it?  Are you suffering impatiently? Are you ranting and raving at your condition? Are you angry with God (I was), at least temporarily, for dropping this miserable situation in your lap? Sadly some people simply do not believe they can endure and so they make the decision not to. They take their own lives. They choose not to endure.

I don’t think we are supposed to endure hardships without acknowledging their inherent difficulty. I think having an occasional pity party is fine, even healthy. But when the party is over, you must go home. Feeling sorry for yourself for short periods of time is acceptable. We are humans, after all, and have feelings. Trying to ignore your feelings can be disastrous and even crazy making.

When I think back to my two biggest endurance tests I think of my marriage during our time in Iran. (Read my book, “For Dear Life” for full disclosure). It was falling apart under the most stressful and miserable circumstances, all of which were self-created. I endured that emotional pain for two years and then when the marriage finally ended I endured the challenges and stresses of single parenthood until I felt competent enough to handle it. As I said, it was a misery of my own making. But endurance is endurance, whether you put yourself there or not. It still hurts, a lot.

My second period of endurance was when my horse was in the hospital for ten days and I would go every day to visit her, hoping for a miracle that never came. When I had to put her down I was angry with God for allowing me to be in that position, a position I tried to bargain with him against. It felt like he wasn’t listening. It was an awful time which I lived through and have finally come out of into a much better place. Endurance has left my house for the time being.

How we get through our own pain and suffering will evolve as we get older and wiser. As little children it is unbearable and we fight against it, believing that it will make things better. Of course it only makes things worse. As a teenage girl my pain and suffering became opportunities for drama. When I think back to those years it is interesting to me that one of the biggest times that called for endurance was my parents’ divorce. I handled it very well, perhaps too well. I think I repressed the feelings and soldiered on because I didn’t want to deal with it. Breakups with boyfriends, however, were full of endurance tests for me. Ah, youth…

Enduring is how we get through the hard times. When combined with faith and trust, it can be an opportunity for growth and its sibling wisdom. It changes you. It molds you so that you are a little bit different than you were before.

Be patient with yourself as you endure. Be hopeful that all will be well again. (Do you see a pattern here?)

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Endure, a wonderful word to contemplate and even, perhaps, to experience.

New Beginnings…

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

I am currently living my own advice. Tragedy, given enough time, can lead to miraculous and life-affirming changes.  In the beginning, there is only negative. You feel the pain and see no glimmer of light nor is there hope for happiness to return. We all know that even after the harshest winter, spring follows and life is renewed. New beginnings are found in nature but also in our own lives.

It has been five and a half weeks since my precious horse left us. I talked about how time brings hope and happiness – I believed it in my head but my heart was stubborn and could not see past the hurt. Lo and behold, today I experienced real joy again, on my new horse, Ruby. Life looks good. It is perfect and complete. The truth is, it always has been. But weeks ago there was no way I could possibly know that without being a completely enlightened being. I’m afraid I fall very short of that distinction.

We picked up Ruby on Sunday and brought her to the barn, her new home. On Monday my trainer rode her and today I did. She is truly a wonderful horse. She has a good mind, sound body and both a sweet and willing disposition. How did I get so lucky? And how did it happen so fast? As I said to someone recently, I believe Barbie led me to her. I did ask her to do that. There were so many criteria that had to be met – age, price, disposition, mind, soundness, height, etc. She fit them all!

I am back at the barn after a 44 day absence. My tack locker has been cleaned out and new grooming supplies and tack box (different color) have replaced the old ones. The process was bittersweet but bearable which told me that the timing was right.

Riding her today, feeling her under me, made me realize that there is joy after pain. I am happy again. It was both a surprise and a delight. There is a new soul for me to love and care for. Not that I will ever forget Barbie. She will live  in my heart forever. But there is room for a new one. And we will have adventures together and will bond in time. I am grateful and I am truly blessed.

The other exciting news is that my second book, my first novel – “The story she had to tell” is now in production with my publisher. I submitted the final edited manuscript this morning along with the cover which was designed and drawn by my youngest son, Kirin. I am thrilled that he will be a part of it, just as my older son, Otto was a part of my first book by writing the forward.

My life is going well. The road is currently smooth, no bumps, at least no significant ones. But as a spiritual being experiencing life as a human, I know the bumps will come again, and even the boulders. Yup, that’s what we all signed up for.

If your life is bumpy right now, or if there are boulders in your path, have faith. They are not permanent. You will survive and even find joy once again. It is only a matter of time, and an open heart.  :))

 

Ruby 1

 

All you need is love…

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

sang the Beatles. I would offer “All you need is God” for God is love and much, much more. God is all of it and is available 24/7.

Saturday is Valentine’s Day – a day of promises, a little illusion,  romance and lots and lots of chocolate! It is a day when we are expected to openly express our love for the significant others in our lives – our mothers, our fathers, our siblings, our children, our friends and of course our lovers. What about the other 364 days? Shouldn’t that love be expressed during the rest of the year? Certainly. Even though I appreciate Valentine’s Day, it is more a day for card shops and candy stores to make extra money. But I still like it. And it forces a lot of men to remember how much their partners mean to them. That can’t be a bad thing.

Valentine history lesson from the Internet:

The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. According to one legend, an imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first “valentine” greeting himself after he fell in love with a young girl–possibly his jailor’s daughter–who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed “From your Valentine,” an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories all emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic and–most importantly–romantic figure. By the Middle Ages, perhaps thanks to this reputation, Valentine would become one of the most popular saints in England and France.

Some wonderful quotes regarding love:

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. ~Erich Fromm

Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving. ~Khalil Gibran

Infatuation is when you think he’s as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he’s as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford — but you’ll take him anyway. ~Judith Viorst, Redbook, 1975

Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species. ~W. Somerset Maugham, A Writer’s Notebook, 1949

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Wind, Sand and Stars, 1939, translated from French by Lewis Galantière

When love is not madness, it is not love. ~Pedro Calderon de la Barca

Do I love you because you’re beautiful,
Or are you beautiful because I love you?
~Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II, Cinderella

For you see, each day I love you more
Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.
~Rosemonde Gerard

Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defense. ~Mark Overby

Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end. ~Author Unknown

Who, being loved, is poor? ~Oscar Wilde

Love must be as much a light, as it is a flame. ~Henry David Thoreau

Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely. ~Laurence Marks, M*A*S*H, “Love Story,” original air date 7 January 1973, spoken by the character Hawkeye

A baby is born with a need to be loved — and never outgrows it. ~Frank A. Clark

Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. ~Robert Heinlein

We loved with a love that was more than love. ~Edgar Allan Poe

If I love you, what business is it of yours? ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The hardest-learned lesson: that people have only their kind of love to give, not our kind. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

We choose those we like; with those we love, we have no say in the matter. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands. ~Quoted by Alexandra Penney in Self

Love is, above all, the gift of oneself. ~Jean Anouilh

When a man is in love or in debt, someone else has the advantage. ~Bill Balance

Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly. ~Rose Franken

Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat. ~Ben Hecht

A bell is no bell ’til you ring it,
A song is no song ’til you sing it,
And love in your heart
Wasn’t put there to stay –
Love isn’t love
‘Til you give it away.
~Oscar Hammerstein, Sound of Music, “You Are Sixteen (Reprise)”
(Thanks, Krystel)

Love is like dew that falls on both nettles and lilies. ~Swedish Proverb

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity. ~Henry Van Dyke

 

 

I leave you now with these wonderful thoughts on love. Happy Valentine’s Day. Give love and freely to those who mean the most to you.  (That includes animals, by the way.)    :))

 

 

Change – accept it or fight it ?

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

Whether self imposed or unbidden, change can be unsettling, unnerving or just uncomfortable. For me it is all three. I don’t particularly like change. It’s funny, because when I was growing up, my father, on more than one occasion said to me that the only thing you can truly count on in life is change! I listened. I understood.  But then I must have tossed it out the window. Why is it so difficult for me?

I like the security that comes with dependability. Then I don’t have to give anything a second thought. I had mastered my cell phone, my television remote. I knew my horse and she knew me. As it turns out, in the first six weeks of this year all of the above has changed. One unbidden, two elective. It’s been a bit of a whirlwind.

I’m sure to many of you I sound like a wimp – except for the horse part.But it is not about what the change is so much as it is about change in general. Humans are creatures of habit and apparently I embrace that quality with great fervor.

Losing my horse was a tragedy. The change part has come into play now, with the prospect of buying a new one. I used to tell Barbie that she had better live a long time because she would be my last horse. I could never imagine trusting another horse with my life, as I had come to trust her. It takes a while to reach that point with an equine partner. She and I had reached it and I couldn’t imagine getting on another horse and feeling as safe as I did on her. Now I am looking for my next horse and may have found her. The only thing that remains is the vet check. Once past that, the new relationship will begin. Getting on her back for the first time was frightening and uncomfortable. This was not Barbie. The second time (just yesterday) was better and even became enjoyable. She is a well mannered horse with a good mind.

To save money this year I switched from my long time cell phone provider to my husband’s. And then of course I wanted to upgrade my phone so I did. I stressed over being able to bring over the valuable contact info which turned out to be a simple task. I struggled mildly with the new functions. Now I pretty much know how to do the things that are important to me. New phone – conquered!

Again as a budgetary move we switched from satellite to cable TV. Lots of new stuff there. Again, not too difficult but we are still figuring things out. I wanted to make sure I could still record and see all the shows I like to watch.

But this is about change and how you cope with it. My father was right, change is something- one of the few somethings in life that you can count on. He said if you can learn how to deal with it  (roll with the punches was how he put it) when life smacks you in the face, then you are that much further ahead of the game.

My husband is an anomaly, at least in my eyes. He loves change! Wow! How courageous is that! Moving to a new home 4 years ago, marrying me, changing jobs, creating new jobs – I could go on. I look at him with wonder and respect. I like my security. He goes out of his way to lose his!

Whether you are like me, and resist change at first, or like my husband and embrace it, the fact remains it is something we all have to deal with. You can resist it for as long as you want but eventually you have to accept it or go crazy trying to fight something that will not go away. Change is inevitable. The irony is that once the change has been around for awhile, it becomes familiar and no longer threatening. Soon my new horse will feel completely comfortable and safe. My cell phone will be easy to manipulate.  I will be able to control my new TV remote with my eyes closed (well, maybe not). Just give it time. Strange new things become familiar, comfortable old things. That’s true for people, too.

Embrace the changes in your life.  Some will be tougher than others but you will go on and soon even the tough ones will seem friendly. :))

Moving on…

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

It feels like I am ready to move on with my life after losing my precious horse, Barbie. I don’t know if this is too soon, if this is merely a break in the grieving and I will be back in the middle of it by next week. I do know that I don’t like being there, in the midst of grieving, that is. And, I don’t think I have ever allowed myself to be there for more than a few days. There is no hope in grieving, you know that? I don’t like being without hope. It doesn’t feel right.

When my father died, I cried but was through it fairly quickly.  I still had my mother. When she passed, again I cried, took a few days off from work, made a  pillowcase out of her nightgown that she wore to the hospital and put it on the small pillow she had in her favorite chair. “A mother pillow” I called it. I made two or three smaller versions for family members. And then I was done. I left the grieving place.

Two cat deaths had me crying and sad, again, for maybe three days. With this last one, I woke up on the third day and couldn’t stand the silence, the overwhelming and painfully obvious lifelessness in my home. I went out and bought two rescue kitties. They filled the void nicely and instantly brought cheer and life back to my abode.

As the grieving process began with Barbie, something was different. I gave myself permission to feel. I allowed myself to experience the loss and all that went with it. It has been 2 1/2 weeks since she passed. I am now looking for my next equine partner. It feels okay to be doing that.

My experience of grieving this time was much different from all other times in my life. It was more honest and real. I allowed myself to be there, in that place where it is very uncomfortable and where there is no hope. Grieving says it’s over. Grieving doesn’t talk about what’s next, the happy times to look forward to. Grieving is about the end of something and how your acceptance is required in order to get to the next stage which is moving on.

I would recommend going through it and not trying to resist. If you fly through it, it will only sneak up on you many times in the future and you will have to deal with it again and again. Best to pack a bag, grab your toothbrush and stay for as long as you need to. And don’t let anyone dictate how long that should be. We are all different and even every grieving experience is different. Stay until you feel you are strong enough to move forward.

Losing people or animals you love is very hard. Divorce, loss of a job, loss of your health, your home – any kind of loss is difficult and calls for a period of grieving. Let your heart tell you what you need.  The first few days I went nowhere. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, except my immediate family. I did almost nothing. I slept a lot. When I felt okay to leave my home to run errands, there would be a time when I felt the need to go back home. It was almost like a panic attack but not quite. I just knew that I had to go home and so I did. Don’t force yourself to do things before you are ready.

When you get to the stage of moving on life has potential which can even translate to excitement and looking forward. That is where the hope comes in and I personally love hope. It’s the possibility of something good. It’s a shift in your perspective to maybe life isn’t all that bad. Maybe smiling today, even laughing, is okay to do. (Insert cliches here.)

Life means change. Change brings loss. Loss calls for grieving. Grieving leads to moving on and being happy, again. It can be a gift to yourself, a time to think only of what is best for you.

Next time you find yourself in a place called grieving, don’t run away. Stay a while. Give yourself permission to be there, as long as it takes. And then move on. It is a way of honoring what was and appreciating what will be.

A gift from the universe

Posted on by Sarah Tauber

As I slowly pull myself out of the hole I have been hiding in, I want to share something with you that filled my heart. Last Saturday, which was exactly one week since I had put down my horse, I was talking with my husband who was standing in front of the mirror in his bathroom. As I looked past him and out the small window I saw something that stirred my soul. We have four rosebushes right outside the window and only once in the two years they have been there have I ever seen a rose. That’s one rose, ever. On this day, at this time, I looked out the window and saw a single, bright pink rose, lifting its face to the sky. I must tell you that my horse’s “color” was pink. Her halter, her lead rope, her brushes, my tack box, her buckets and the show shirt I wore twice when we went to dressage shows in 2013. Pink symbolizes Barbie to me and it is the only thing that comes to mind when I see that color.

I smiled all the way to my heart and walked outside to see it up close. I sent a picture of it to my trainer, the former owner of Barbie, the one who shared the most horrible day with me. And then I cut it, brought it inside and put it in a white milk glass vase. If you look below you will see the rose attached and then in a vase. The picture in the vase was 24 hours later. It seemed that every hour the rose would open a little more. It is truly the most beautiful and fragrant rose I have ever seen.

When you are experiencing life at its very depths, when you are angry with God for what has happened to you, when the “why’s?” go unanswered, wait. Tough it out and wait. Time brings hope, it brings love, and your heart will surely be filled once again.

That afternoon I began looking online for my next horse. I actually found myself getting excited at the prospect of a new friend. I asked Barbie to send me the perfect horse, one that she would approve of. I found one that I was very interested in. It just so happens that my trainer’s trainer has been working with this horse for several years and knows it well. She thinks it would be a perfect horse for me. I am going to see it on Friday. We’ll see. I am cautiously optimistic but also wary. Maybe this is too soon. I am hoping I will know when I meet the horse, a gelding this time.

Painful times come to all of us. It is a fact of life. I practice telling others how to deal with them. Wisdom that comes from experience. I had no idea one of those times was waiting outside my door to strike. But now for the first time since it happened, I feel hopeful that everything will be all right. I knew this intellectually but now I know it in my heart. Barbie will live there, inside my heart. I will talk with her and know that she will always be watching me as I continue my journey on horseback.

Be patient with yourself. Know at the very core of your being that you will be happy again. And when you see a special rose in your garden, or some other sign, smile. Let the love in your heart fill you up and then say a quiet “thank you” to the Universe. You are not alone, ever.

 

pink rose on bushpink rose in vase