Author: Sarah Tauber

See this picture? This was taken outside of an I Hop restaurant in Nashua, New Hampshire the morning of August 19, 2016. It’s everybody. My son Kirin and his wife Jennifer as well as their baby, Ettson. Me, of course, and Kirin’s three sons, Logan, Wesley and Noah from a previous marriage. It has been four years since Kirin has seen them and five years for me. Not one of us thought this day would ever come. And yet, it did. We were there for four days, spending quality time with the boys every day.

It was a challenging trip for all of us as we didn’t know what to expect. There was anxiety, some frustration and minor awkwardness which was negligible by the third day. We had to be patient, forgiving and positive in attitude. And we were. The rewards were quick, obvious and appreciated.

Is there a lesson here? Yes, especially for us. Was it a perfect scenario? No. Was it wonderful, joyful and beyond our expectations? A resounding “Yes!” People on “the other side” were gracious and kind, accommodating and flexible. For this we were all extremely grateful.

You cannot control others. They will be who they are and do what they want. When the stakes are high, as they were in this instance, you can only control your attitude and behavior. Return kindness with kindness. Appreciate the circumstances you have been given, even when they are less than ideal.

The future? Unknown. Hopes, dreams, wishes, we all share when it comes to these three boys. My son and his wife will continue to nurture their rekindled and precious relationship with these children. My prayers for them go without saying. Time holds the answers.

My advice to someone in a similar situation – don’t give up until you have done all you that you can. Remember that the only constant in life is change. If you don’t like today, wait until tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, or the day after that.  Believe in miracles. Never give up hope. God bless.

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No, I’m not talking about the hit song from the 70s by Peaches and Herb. I’m talking about a family of seven, whose eldest was estranged from his other siblings for almost forty years.

My husband is one of five and smack dab in the middle. Years ago his three sisters and he broke all ties with their older brother. Details are only partially known to me. The point is, the older brother did not communicate with his siblings for a long, long time. Until…

Being pulled into Christianity by me, my husband Bill decided it was time to patch things up between him and his brother. At the same time, he decided it would be nice to get everyone together for a reunion dinner. Very unsure of what the reaction would be, he asked me to reach out to his brother’s daughter with whom I was friends on Facebook. She tested the waters for us. She and I coordinated the first phone call. It must have been a stellar moment when they heard each other’s voices after decades had passed. It was a big deal.

“We’ll make arrangements to come see you soon and maybe get everyone else to join us,” my husband told him. “That would be wonderful,” was his brother’s reply. Bill said goodbye and immediately contacted his sisters. With one exception, they were all willing to take part. The one sister who does not live in Chicago could not get away from work. But she said we could facetime her at the dinner table, allowing her to interact with everyone.

A couple of weeks later Bill went online to book our tickets to Chicago. And then we waited. The second day we were there we went over to his house on our own, for the first meeting. It was pretty emotional, although being men, it wouldn’t have been obvious to an outsider. Two nights later we all arranged to meet at a restaurant at 7:30.

The evening went very well, all things considered. Below are some pictures from the first meeting and then the dinner. My husband is the taller one on the left. Some phone numbers were exchanged and promises to get together at a future date. They said they would come out to California soon to visit us in our home.

The next day we left Chicago feeling like we had truly accomplished something important, something life-changing for all of us. Now, what we all do with that remains to be seen. We took the first step as did everyone involved.

Reunited after all these years. “Reunited and it feels so good. Reunited ’cause we understood.”

Life is short. Don’t let petty differences keep you from fulfilling and mutually beneficial relationships. Relationships that could make your life richer than it already is. God bless.

 

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“You can’t do this. It’s too scary. Remember what happened the last time? It was devastating! Do you want to go through that again?”

Thoughts going through my head when I signed up for my first horse show of the season which is this weekend. All the old tapes started playing in my head, ultimately making me dread the event rather than looking forward to it.

One day as the tapes finished playing in my head again, it dawned on me. These tapes are old based on the rider I was almost a year ago. I am more skilled and confident now. I know everything I need to do given almost any situation that my horse might bring to me. I’ve got this!

Do you have old tapes that re-play in your head on occasion? They throw you off balance and ruin what should be a happy occasion. I believe we all do and we need to recognize them for what they are – SABOTAGE! They sabotage your happiness, your confidence, your joy. After recognizing them you must put them in a trunk, lock them up and throw away the key!

Where do they come from? Christians might call it “the enemy”. Others may believe self-doubt is the culprit. You’re being too hard on yourself. You don’t believe you deserve the happiness you so desperately long for.

But how do you know they’re old tapes that are no longer worth listening to? First of all, how does it  make you feel? You know on a deeper level that what they are telling you is not true. You know that if you take them to heart you will not attempt something you want to try; you will remain in your comfort zone, refusing to take even the smallest of risks. You have seen movies like this where the guy wants the girl but listens to his self-talk which ultimately convinces him he’s not good enough for her. It breaks your heart to watch it.

When my youngest son was a teenager, I remember giving him this advice – Don’t listen to what others say about you. Listen to what you say about you. That is worth something.

It changes everything. If you listen to old tapes or negative self-talk, it can potentially keep you from achieving your greatest accomplishments, experiencing your deepest joy or having your proudest moment. Sounds dramatic, doesn’t it?  But oh so true.

If I choose to believe that I will once again succumb to the fear and therefore give a lousy performance, then I will never show again. And yet some of my happiest and proudest moments are associated with riding my horse.

With only two days left before the show, when the old tapes start to play, I must tell my brain to hit “delete!” Those old tapes and the “wisdom” they pretend to offer up are no longer valuable or applicable to me. I have grown. I am more skilled. I can totally meet the challenge. The only thing that will ruin it is believing the old tapes.

If you’re older, you probably remember music tapes and how sometimes you would remove it from the tape player and part of the tape would be sticking out. Then you would put your finger in the hole and turn it to re-wind and take up the slack. Sometimes that worked and sometimes it didn’t. I think I will envision pulling all of it out until it is a big jumbled mess, never to be successfully played again! Sounds like a good solution to me. What do you think?   :))

 

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I’ll bet you could fill in the blanks for that expression. Me, too. I got really good news the other day, beyond good. Then I woke up the next morning stressing over it! What’s up with that? I put my brain chatter on hold long enough to figure out what was upsetting me. Why did the day after good news not feel so good? And then it hit me. I was stressing over the details. Guess what?  The details involved other people. That meant I was stressing over things I could not control!

This very lack of control was at the core of my frazzled nerves.  I thought of the appropriate pattern – worry – stress – fear – lack of control. You worry about something which then stresses you out and causes you to fear the worst scenario and it is all due to something over which you have little or no control.

I had promised myself I would give up the need to control this particular issue. Well, maybe just one text,  in case they haven’t thought of this one thing. God must have been wagging his finger at me. Not only did I not get an answer to my text, I didn’t get the promised phone call either, the one where we would discuss the details and make final plans. This is ridiculous, I decided. I’m letting go right now!     Right now!   No, really, NOW!!!

Something else came up during the day that I was stressing over. I’ll just send a quick text. Guess what? No response! I really need to get a grip. I’m too old to worry about these things. I don’t want to worry about them. I’m done!

Think of the things in your life that stress you out. Are they things you have 100% control over? I doubt it. What is stressful about something you can change, fix, decide on or choose? Nothing!

I have control over what I wear, what I eat, most of my daily tasks, who I do things with, what I do, but especially my attitude. How I deal with life when life gets in my face, which is pretty much every day.

Anything that involves at least one other person by definition takes away some of our control. This frustrates us, makes us unhappy, crabby, defiant, insecure, tired, frightened, useless, impotent. Wow! It doesn’t sound like a good thing, does it? But you have no choice in the matter when another person or persons enter the picture. (Side bar – horseback riding, in my case dressage, brings the same issues. When you enter the arena at a show, you have about 50% control over what happens in there. The other 50% belongs to your horse, who may be in good spirits and feel cooperative or grumpy and contrary. A skilled rider can deal with just about anything the horse gives her.)

What’s the solution? Simple, give up the need to control everything, control yourself. Control what you can and release the rest to the others involved. Trust me,  you will make yourself crazy if you don’t do this. I know whereof I speak.

I am not re-texting either one of these people. I will wait for their answers and I will not die doing it. If you are a Christian, you know that you hold no control anyway, even if you think you do. It’s wise just to let it go.

The plus side of giving up the need for control? Less stress, less worry, less fear. Sounds good to me. Now let’s see if if I can do it!  :))

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Reflections from a woman with more years behind her than ahead of her. Enjoy.

• I want to sleep more and eat less.
• I want to stay home instead of going out dancing, even on a Saturday night!
• I feel more compassion for animals, rather than people.
• I get over things quicker.
• Friendships are more important to me. I nurture and cherish them.
• Connecting with my husband is more important than physical intimacy, although not by much.
• Spending more time thinking about and talking to God is a priority now.
• Family is priceless.
• The small stuff and even the big stuff can be dealt with and then put in the rear view mirror. The more days that pass the more it fades into the background.
• Days, weeks, months and even years go by much too quickly now.
• Lessons from my youth revisit me frequently. Many still apply.
• New lessons continue and are, as they should be, welcomed.
• Adventures are more thrilling and desirable.
• “New”, followed by “places”, “friends”, “experiences”, are exciting and greatly appreciated.
• More money would be nice but I don’t focus on it, nor do I need it in order to be fulfilled.
• More reading and less television.
• Quiet alone time is a must for my equilibrium.
• I listen to and respect my body more.
• It’s okay sometimes to do nothing, to think nothing, to feel nothing.
• Giving is a thousand times better than getting. Gracious receiving generates self worth.
• As a wife/partner, knowing when not to speak is invaluable.
• Compromise and sacrifice are not dirty words.
• As a woman, you have more power than you think you do.
• The treasures in my life cannot be purchased, nor can they be stolen.
• Hate and anger are two visitors who rarely show up on my doorstep anymore, but when they do, I ask them to leave.
• Morning prayer is necessary for me to begin my day in the right frame of mind.
• Gratitude is a way of life.
• Sharing yourself with others, even it means they will see your flaws, is not only okay but a blessing.
• Humility is not a weakness.
• Love is just as important as everyone says it is, maybe more.
• Saying “no” is not only permissible, but often necessary for one’s sanity.
• Sometimes when you “give in” you end up with more than you would have had you stood your ground.
• A glass of champagne is more than enough to soften the edges.
• In the grand scheme of things, nothing is worth losing your perspective over.
• And, most importantly, with God all things are possible!

God bless. :))

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