The conversation went like this.
You: Hi Sally, How are you doing?
Sally: Ugh. I’ve been better.
You: What happened? What’s wrong?
Sally: Well, first of all the weather is crappy today and it’s ruining my hair. Secondly, I was late to work by ten minutes which I’m sure ticked off my boss. I didn’t sleep well last night so I’m really tired right now. Should I go on?
You: Gee, Sally, I’m sorry that you are having a bad day. Want to go get a nice lunch together?
Sally: No, I really can’t afford it. Not on my salary. My company is really ripping me off. I deserve to get much more than I am being paid. But then they’re a lousy company anyway.
You: Have you thought of changing jobs?
Sally: Sure, but it’s too hard to get work right now. And besides, who would want to hire me at my age?
And on it goes. The negativity about Sally’s life in her own words. Do you know someone like that? After you are around them for any length of time it almost feels as if their negative energy is invading your body and you walk away feeling heavy and depressed. You want to wash it off and start all over but with a different person. Someone other than Sally.
Years ago there was a book entitled, “Games People Play” by Eric Berne, originally published in 1964. I read it back then, not fully understanding its deeper meaning and significance. Not until I had lived more life and met more people. One of the games is called “Aint’t it awful?”. No matter what their circumstances, no matter what is going on around them, the world looks grey to these people and sometimes black.
You can take two people who experience the same things and one of them will use the tough times to grow and become stronger while the other person will take the opportunity to bring others down to their level.
Bad stuff happens to everyone. No one is immune. There are things we have little or no control over that we must deal with every day. The key is how you handle these things that determines your character and your happiness quotient. That same conversation above could have gone like this, were it a different person on the other end:
You: Hi Mary. How are you doing?
Mary: Hi. I’m good. I was late to work today by ten minutes so I took the time off of my lunch hour. I’m sure my boss won’t mind. I didn’t sleep real well so I’m a bit tired, but that just gives me a great excuse not to work out tonight! Ha ha. How are you doing?
You: I’m good. Hey, do you want to go grab a quick bite? We could catch up. I know a place that will serve us right away so that you won’t be late going back to work.
Mary: Sure! That would be fun! I’m feeling kind of broke this week so it can’t be too expensive. I’m getting discouraged about my job. I don’t think they appreciate my hard work. I’m refreshing my resume right now so that I can find something where I’m not only valued but where I can advance my career. I’m sure there will be someone out there who could use my talent!
You: Absolutely. Good for you. Now let’s go get some lunch!
Mary is a much more positive person, as you can tell. Her outlook on life will take her far. She is consequently nicer to be around. Her positive energy rubs off on those around her.
Why do some people play “Ain’t it awful?” People who play games do so because there is a payback for them. In the case of “Ain’t it awful?” the payback is usually that they get to look like a victim. It makes people feel sorry for them. It also shifts responsibility for their lives to outside forces, leaving them with no accountability.
If you have people in your life who play “Ain’t it awful?” and you cannot avoid them, try to limit your time with them. If you get stuck sometimes, think of other things while they are droning on about how terrible their life is. And then get away and do something good for yourself. Something that makes you happy. Don’t let their negativity attach to you.
Choose friends who make you feel good about yourself and life in general. These are the people who will boost you up, encourage and inspire you. These are the ones to surround yourself with, not the “Ain’t it awful?” types. Avoid them if you can. They will only bring you down.
Your time is precious. Spend it wisely and with those who add to you, not take away. You’ll be happier for it. :))