Losses come in all shapes and sizes as well as degree of impact on our lives. As humans we experience loss regularly, most with little to no affect. However, the big losses come eventually, and we have to be able to deal with them. As you know, I recently lost my sister, a big loss for me as she was not only my only sibling but my best friend and confidante. She knew things about me that no one else knew. That’s a big deal.
I have been doing alright lately but I’ve noticed that I still have moments of great sadness. It comes out of nowhere. If I’m telling someone about her or something in my day reminds me of her, the pain arrives, I get choked up and my eyes fill with tears. Normal. But recently it looked like a similar loss was coming and for awhile I felt overwhelmed. Someone else in my family had a serious accident and I thought it might be the end, again. I could feel myself returning to the horrific panic, dread and fear that comes when you believe you might be losing someone. I told God, “No! no more losses right now! I can’t handle it! Please make everything okay again!” Fortunately all resolved and my biggest fears were not realized. It made me aware that our capacity for loss is only so big and if too much comes at us we become overwhelmed which can lead to various types of unhealthy behavior, depending on the person.
I knew a person a couple of years ago who lost her beloved horse and then a few months later her husband passed away followed soon after by her dog. All within a year’s time. This woman, who I shall classify as remarkable, is not only coping with all of these losses, she is thriving as a human. She has taken such good care of herself as well as continued to grow and give to others. Extraordinary human being. I am in awe of her inner strength. This is not the norm.
I have had other big losses in my life but I feel like I have been able to cope pretty well. This last one, however, my sister, has been harder than anything I have dealt with previously. I bought this amazing book on dealing with grief that has helped me so much. It outlines the five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Thinking about these stages the other day I asked myself which stage did I think I was in currently. I tested out each one and came back with a strange answer. I’m a little bit in each one of them! I still have moments of denial, anger, bargaining (if only moments), depression and acceptance. Maybe that will never go away. I will float around on all of them for the rest of my life and that;’s okay. It is what it is, right?
Life is precious. Our loved ones are only here for a time so we must make the best of it. Being aware of that should help us be more present with them, more loving and forgiving. One day they will not be here, or we will not be here so don’t miss out on the time you have left. Appreciate them, care for them and love them deeply. Not only will it feed your soul and theirs, but it will bring you great comfort one day when the memory is all you have left. God bless.