Things to ponder

I have always been the kind of person who felt most comfortable when I knew (and generally understood) what was going on around me. The why’s of something. If I understood why something happened, I could respond appropriately and take the next steps if required. Not knowing why or not understanding was the equivalent of crazy making for me. What do you do with yourself when something happens and you can’t explain it? How do you react? How do you move on?

Some people prefer not to know why. “Ignorance is bliss,” right? Not in my world. I have always wanted to hear the truth, even the unpleasant, raw, disturbing truth. I don’t care how bad it is, just don’t lie to me. I raised my children this way. Tell me the truth. You won’t be punished for it.

My sister would probably say this stems from my desire to control. If I know, if I understand what is going on around me, I can deal with it. I can better respond to my immediate environment. There is probably some truth to the control theory.

Do we always get to know? No! Do we just have to live with not knowing sometimes? Yes! I might even say often.

I’d like to think that I have gotten better over the years. I have learned how to let go of things that I don’t understand. I stop trying to make sense of it and after a while like lint on my shirt I brush it off and forget about it.

People are complicated. Sometimes they don’t know why they do certain things or feel a certain way. How can we expect an explanation if even they don’t have one?

What’s the solution for people like me who want to know the whys – who want desperately to understand? Accept as one of the immutable laws of the universe that you don’t always get to know why. Surrender and move on. Let it go. By continually trying to figure something out that has no clear explanation, you will only tie up your brain which could be put to much better use on a task more productive and meaningful. It’s like beating your head against the wall – to what end? Did it solve the problem? No!

Life is an adventure, filled with all kinds of happenings. Some are wonderful, some challenging, some prickly and some devastating. When you get to know why and understand, be grateful, act accordingly and go forward. When you don’t, let it go and go forward anyway. Life is too short to bang your head against the wall, right? Just repeat after me,  “It’s all good.”  :))

No, I’m not talking about a weekend in Las Vegas or a vacation in Palm Springs. I’m speaking about something much more significant and life changing. In last week’s sermon our pastor spoke of the challenging times in our lives. The times when things aren’t going according to plan – our plan of course. You’re experiencing roadblock after roadblock. You’re facing a serious health challenge, major disappointments, bad surprises. He referred to this as a desert experience, similar to the one the Israelites faced when they wandered in the desert for forty years. He then stated that humans are always either coming out of a desert experience, in the middle of one or about to enter one. You might say these three circumstances make up the human condition.

Not a feel good lesson. I walked out of there thinking,  I’m not currently in a desert experience and haven’t just come out of one, so that must mean one is ahead of me. I had to admit that I haven’t been in one for quite some time. I count myself fortunate.

Sure enough, Sunday, in the middle of the night, I was awakened out of a sound sleep by a strong feeling of nausea. This is highly unusual for me as it has been many years since I’ve had such symptoms. Use your imagination for how I spent the remainder of the night. All day Monday I felt on the verge, even though the main symptoms had passed. I didn’t eat for 40 hours! It took several days to feel confident enough to eat normal food. Miserable, right? No question. But desert experience? Not much of one.

Then other things started happening and now I find myself fully in the desert. What’s next? What can you do when things go south?  1) Pray. That’s always a good choice. Asking God for help allows you to feel that you’re not in this by yourself which is incredibly comforting. It also gives you hope that a solution is out there and available to you.  2) Give thanks for what you have and for the blessings that have been given to you in prior desert experiences.  Being grateful for all the good in your life not only pleases God but changes your perspective from “Poor me. Life is miserable,” to “But I still have (fill in the blank) and (fill in the blank) and people who love me. Maybe I’ll get through this soon.” The good news is that the desert experience isn’t eternal. It has an end. You don’t stay in it forever.  3) Lean on friends and family. I’m a big proponent of group therapy because it helps you to realize others have the same or similar problems as you do. You were not singled out for this challenging time or this misery. We have all been in the desert, more than once. Use the support systems that you have. It can lessen your load significantly.

This is life. It’s what we signed up for. It means good times, neutral times and challenging times. Take solace in knowing that you won’t be there forever. Trust God. Have faith that you will endure. Know that your life will be good again. Take a deep breath and give thanks. :))

Upon re-reading my last blog, I noticed two spelling errors that despite several edits, had slipped by me. “Tenants” should have been “tenets” and “meeted out” should have been “meted out”. Much to my chagrin, the blog went out with these clear mistakes. I’m sure it wasn’t the first time. Spellcheck didn’t catch them because these are actual words, spelled correctly. Had they been misspelled, auto-correct would have caught them.

That started me thinking. What if our lives had an “auto-correct” function? What if when we messed up, in word or deed, it would be automatically made right on the spot? A little like going back in time a few minutes, or a “do over”. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

Maybe. What if our mistakes teach us to become better people? What if they lead us to greater understanding, improved relationships, higher levels of consciousness? Am I really making a case for human error? Yes, I think so.

I’m going to omit from my discussion human error that leads to the death of innocent people at the hands of someone entrusted with their safety. I would prefer to eliminate that altogether if it were possible. But isn’t it true that we all learn from our mistakes? No, unfortunately not all of us. But let’s hope that most of us do. And when we learn from them, we generally become more aware of our actions and their consequences. We ultimately become better people.

Think back on some mistakes you have made, ones that had consequences with weight to them. How did it alter your life and did it change you in a positive way?

Some missteps in our lives have consequences that are irreparable. A broken relationship where the other person is not willing to forgive and forget. These  are tough lessons with a big price to pay. Your life will never be the same.

We have no control over other people and how they will react to us when we have hurt them. It takes maturity to own up to our mistakes, ask for forgiveness and hope for the best, knowing that we may ultimately lose. Then we have to move on,  wiser if not happier.

How can you learn lessons in life if you never mess up? Do you learn when you do everything right? Of course not.

So, what did I learn from the spelling errors in my latest blog? Instead of reading it back four times, make it five or six. But do you know what? It will happen again anyway. Some mistakes are unavoidable. We are human, and that’s what we do. We mess up. Try to keep the big mistakes to a minimum. You’ll ultimately live a better life.

Revenge is sweet.    Revenge is mine, sayeth the Lord. Two different ways of looking at something that we believe makes us whole after we have been wronged.  Here are some of the statements the bible has made about revenge.

Watching the media circus that is the 2016 presidential race, I began to wonder.  What are these candidates like in the privacy of their own homes? What do they say to their spouses when the cameras aren’t rolling? Those are the conversations I would like to hear. It’s probably more indicative of who they are then when they are on television debating or participating in a town hall.

The chatter in my head continued. Am I the same person out in public as the Sarah who is at home with Bill? Are you?

The word I was looking for was “authentic”. To me, being authentic is your core personality. What distinguishes you from everyone else, i.e., what makes you, you. That should not change whether you are with strangers, friends and family or at home with your spouse or partner. That being said, I do believe the more comfortable we are in a particular setting, the more of ourselves we are willing to reveal. The less comfortable, less “safe” we feel, the less authentic we are. That’s human nature.

There is another side to this. Some people, I’ll call them “people pleasers”, will portray themselves to be whatever they think you want them to be so that you will like them. I spent years as a people pleaser so I know whereof I speak. I might put politicians in that category, at least during the campaign process, pleasing people to get votes. That doesn’t sound the least bit shocking. The problem becomes whom to trust with your vote? Who will they be in the White House? That same nice guy or gal you voted for because they understood your day-to-day problems? You just knew that what they were telling you was coming from a place of sincerity and truth. You’re sure that they won’t let you down once they are elected.

So, is that how it works? Of course not. Most of them will say whatever it takes to get votes. Even the most sincere will find tremendous road blocks to fulfilling their campaign promises once they are in their elected role, especially if that role is the President of the United States.

Then who do we put our faith in? Who do we vote for? Only outsiders? Non-politicians who have decided to run for office? Can we trust them more? Maybe, but in the long run, I believe their promises are just as shiny and enticing as those of the more seasoned politicians. They too will face challenges in the White House. Challenges that could ultimately prevent them from accomplishing the goals they set out to achieve.

Are we doomed? Is it a lose-lose scenario? No. You study the candidates, listen to them speak in the beginning of their campaign, the middle and the end. Choose the person who most represents your point of view. Someone who, in your mind, has the best chance of uniting the parties, reaching across the aisle and getting things done. Then you place your vote and hope for the best. It’s a bit of a crap shoot.

Now think about your own authenticity. Are you true to yourself regardless of the situation? Are you a people pleaser?  If you are, try just being yourself. Let your own unique light shine through. It’s best to be who you are. After all, no one else can.   :))

Webster defines the word “hero” as  a person who is admired for great or brave acts or fine qualities. An illustrious warrior. One who shows great courage.

Having recently watched the movie “13 Hours” I have been thinking about what it means to be a hero. My definition would be someone who for a given period of time, puts aside their ego and focuses only on others who need help. Their only goal is to save, assist or otherwise rescue another human being or living creature. Thoughts of their own safety are replaced with a inexplicable compulsion to save the day.

I would put police officers, firefighters/EMTs and the military in that category just because of their career choice. They are demonstrating with their profession that they are there to serve others and often at their own peril.

I look at my two sons as heroes. My first born is a police officer, currently working for Homeland Security. He is still out on the street when called upon and has done so for many years.

My youngest served in the Marine Corps for eight years including two tours of duty in Iraq. Coming back from there had its own unique set of challenges. I credit his amazing wife for helping him overcome and even thrive.

The men who fought in the attack on the two Benghazi outposts on September 11, 2012 were heroes times ten, some making the ultimate sacrifice. The time they endured was more than most of us will ever know or experience. A very powerful film, “13 Hours” will stay with you for a long time.

Animals can be heroes. We have seen numerous examples, mostly involving dogs (although I did see a video last year of a house cat that chased away a vicious dog who was about to attack a young child on a tricycle). Horses are used in therapeutic settings for people with disabilities, including PTSD.

When you think of heroes, who do you think of? Acts of heroism may not always be front page news. Some are small and perhaps remain hidden. No one ever knows about them except the hero and the person(s) saved.

What about organ donors?  Or the person who leads a quiet life until one day an opportunity presents itself to them to make a significant difference? Suicide prevention operators? Teachers, doctors, search and rescue workers?

I’m sure you can make your own list. I have probably forgotten some obvious choices. The point is, whether given the “front page” treatment or not, acts of heroism occur every day in every city of the world. Let us give thanks that these people surround us, share the planet with us and have the selflessness, courage and heart to do the unthinkable.

Long live the heroes!

Have you ever personally experienced a miracle? If you are over the age of 18, chances are you have. Before the miracle occurred, did you feel hopeless? Were you all but certain that the outcome was going to be the worst case scenario? And then, seemingly out of nowhere, a miracle happened and instead of the worst possible case, you got the best. You are amazed, delighted, thrilled but also bewildered. How was that possible? Did I just get lucky?

Recently I was asked to join a prayer group for someone who was fighting for his life in the hospital. Someone who would be considered young, with a wife and children. A pillar of society, a good man. Things looked very grim. After considering all possible outcomes, the one I believed most realistic, the one Las Vegas would bet money on, was the one in which he didn’t make it. “This will take nothing short of a miracle,” I thought out loud. Although I did not personally know the man, I felt an extraordinary sadness for him and his family. What a terrible time this must be for them.

In the midst of my sadness, a great awareness came over me. I am human. Although I consider myself to be intelligent and an optimist, it dawned on me that my vision of the situation was limited by the constraints of my existence. I can’t see beyond my own experience or my narrow vision of what is and what is not possible. I am not God!

The phrase that entered my mind at this point was one I have heard all my life, “With God all things are possible.” If you believe in God, you probably have heard this and most likely believe it. I believe it but in this instance I had forgotten its powerful and deeper meaning. That realization stopped me in my proverbial tracks. Wait a minute! As a human being I can only see this man’s story from an earthly point of view. I am not privy to what God sees, what He knows or most importantly, what He can do. He can perform miracles! If anyone can turn this frightening, doom-filled situation into a blessing, He can!

As it turned out, the man in the hospital fighting for his life had a lung disease and needed two “new” lungs. On January 12th, he had successful lung transplant surgery. Now the prayer is for his body to accept the new organs and recover to live many more years as a loving husband, father, and as it turns out, pastor. Praise God!

Understanding that not all prayers are answered, I know that the larger picture holds what is best for us. I end all of my prayers with “thy will be done.”

The next time you find yourself in a situation – large or small – where you feel defeated, lost and hopeless, in need of a miracle, don’t let your limited vision dictate the outcome. There is “someone” with unlimited vision and unlimited power in charge. Don’t give up, look up. Pray, knowing that the ultimate miracle worker is beside you. You are not alone, but in the best company possible. Amen.

I don’t know if it’s even possible to find out how many people read my blogs. And that’s okay with me. I write because I love to. I imagine lots of people reading them and hopefully feeling something positive as a result.  That is my goal.

It dawned on me just yesterday that I need to let you know (whoever you are) that I appreciate you, whether you read one of my blogs or are a faithful reader who receives them via email. Thank you for taking the time to read what I write.

Years ago I wrote letters and sent packages to soldiers and marines in Iraq. I didn’t know any of them. Only once during that time did I receive a response, even though I was told not to expect it. I have to say that was very difficult for me. I desperately wanted to hear from them. Writing to these men and women soon began to feel like I was sending my letters into space where they would eventually disintegrate, as if they never existed. The enthusiasm I had in the beginning dwindled and soon I was writing to no one.

You might think it would be the same case here, but it isn’t. Well, not anymore. When I first began my blogs (almost two years ago!) I anxiously awaited feedback and was disappointed when it didn’t come. I have since changed my attitude. I still think comments are wonderful gifts, but I’m fine if I don’t receive any. It is okay if five people are reading my blogs or 55 or 105! I will keep writing them because I enjoy it. Hopefully you will continue reading them for the same reason.

We all have busy lives filled with many things to accomplish. Keeping up with emails and social media can be a challenge at best and a nuisance at its worst. Even taking the time to read one long email (or blog) takes effort and the willingness to stop what you are doing,  even for a few minutes.

And so I say “thank you” to whomever is out there reading this. I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!  :))

I was catching up on Facebook the other day when I came upon a post from a friend of mine. It stopped me mid-Christmas cheer. She said we need to be aware of the fact that not everyone is joyful during the holidays. Not everyone has family or close friends with whom to celebrate the season. Some people are struggling just to make it to January 2nd. Wow.

This is my favorite time of year and always has been. I am usually bursting at the seams with merriment. But then I have a loving husband, two amazing sons with equally amazing wives, several grandchildren and many special friends and family. I can honestly say I have never been lonely or sad during the holidays. Count me blessed.

There are many people like me. What I forget is that there are also many who are not. This is not about bringing you down at Christmas time but I would be remiss if I didn’t remind you that some people are in pain this time of year. Some people may be hurting due to their personal circumstances. Maybe they just lost a loved one or received frightening health news or a breakup with their partner or spouse. Hmm.

Have empathy for these people. Reach out in ways that serve, in ways that help or even heal. We are all in this life together. Share yourself, share love.

Knowing that at least one person cares may be enough to change the season for someone. Most churches this time of year adopt one or more families (my old workplace did this every year) and purchase much needed gifts including toys and clothing. My new church will be providing for hundreds of families. It is a wonderful opportunity for those who are “wealthy” to give to those who are “poor”.

Being fortunate does not mean you get to dance around in your merriment by yourself. It puts you in the honorable position to pay it forward, to give back, to reach out to those of us who aren’t dancing for joy. That is our calling as human beings sharing the planet.

This year, be aware of those around you who aren’t feeling joyful. Smile at a stranger who seems lost. Give of your time, your talent or your treasure where it is most needed. Wealth is meaningless unless we spread it around.

God bless you and Merry Christmas!  :))

• Deck the halls with boughs of holly
• Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
• ‘Tis the season to be jolly     and so on…

Are you jolly this time of year? With the exception of my son and his family, whose last name is Jolly, maybe not. It is without a doubt a stressful time of year, more so for some. There is the pressure to buy gifts for everyone on your list, wrap them, decorate your house, buy a tree or bring the fake one down from the attic (if your holiday calls for a tree). You are spending more money than you normally do but  still have the same income. How do you make that work without going into debt?

It seems that every year since I was a child, Christmas and the holiday season in general has become more about spending and less about why we celebrate. Not breaking news. We complain about the commercialism but have no control over it or its impact on our lives. Try as we may to avoid the pressure, it finds our hiding places and we are inevitably caught up in the whirlwind of the season.

A couple of months ago I was looking at my budget and thinking, maybe I should suggest to my family that we not buy presents this year. Let’s focus on how blessed we are, not about buying. Well, I never said anything to anyone, probably too embarrassed to make the suggestion. I managed to come up with some money and now I am planning my gifts accordingly. So much for shedding commercialism.

We all know that Christmas is not about how much you spend. It’s about remembering what happened two thousand years ago in Bethlehem. If you are not one who thinks about that, then think about this. You are still here. You have family, friends and a roof over your head. You have some money in the bank and you have your health, maybe not perfect health, but you woke up this morning. These things that we all take for granted on a daily basis, are truly gifts and we should acknowledge them as such and be grateful. They will not last forever. Some day we will be gone.

This holiday season try finding joy in little things. See the world as you did as a small child, if only for a few minutes at a time. Be aware. Be amazed. Be joyful outside of the mall. Be grateful. Deck the halls and then deck your heart. ‘Tis the season. Share yourself. Focus on what matters to you.  In other words, give love. Everything else takes second place.

It is with this sentimentality that I leave you to ponder the season. Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!    Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.    :))