Apparently tantrums are not just for toddlers!

“Knock it off!” I could feel my blood pressure slowly rising, my face turning red. I was completely exasperated and about to walk away. What was I doing? I was trying to clean the right rear hoof of my horse!

For the last month, out of the blue, my horse won’t let me clean that one foot.  She had her hooves trimmed recently and the farrier had no issues with her. My trainer assures me there is no injury there; she is just playing a game with me. I’m on the fence about that and will check it out if this behavior continues.

I kept pulling up her foot, using different methods and holding onto different parts of her leg. She was determined not to let me clean this hoof. I realized, as I bent my head down for the umpteenth time, that she could easily cold cock me and knock me flat. That was a disturbing thought. As that leg was being pulled from my hand with incredible force, her left hind leg went up in a threatening position.

I was out of breath and out of patience. I gave up and went over to the bench to sit down. I am not one who gets angry often.  I may get mad at circumstances or a person but it is over almost as quickly as it began. This was different. This was anger. As I was sitting on the bench, I began talking to her. “Do you know how much money I would save every month if I didn’t have a horse? A lot!” I heard myself say these words and I cringed inside. I felt mean and angry and I wanted a divorce.

I put her away and left, without saying a word. And then I got depressed. I left the barn defeated and miserable. Who was the loser here? My horse? I don’t think so. She was probably feeling pretty good. After all, she won, right? I was the loser, the one who would suffer for hours afterward. I felt lousy.

My point here is not that I got angry with my horse. My point is that it served no purpose and it ruined my day. Yesterday was my day to ride alone. I had come up with some ideas of how to get her to let me clean that hoof but I was afraid that if I failed,  I would get angry/mean/depressed again. I chose not to  try. I saddled her up and we had a great ride in the arena, practicing some skills my trainer had shown me the day before. I was determined to leave the barn happy this time. Nothing was going to ruin it,  not even my horse’s stubbornness. I was sweet to her and even apologized for being so mean. I’m pretty sure she forgave me.

My trainer is going to work with her to figure out the hoof problem. I am going to remain calm about it and try what she suggests. I will not let this get the better of me and I will not sell my horse! As I left the barn yesterday it hit me how important attitude is and how connected it is to your happiness. They are inextricably linked. Yesterday I changed my attitude, let go of the issue I was having with my horse and decided to have a good ride. And voila! I did. I left the barn feeling elated, the way you should feel after a ride. Not depressed.

Lesson here? When you find yourself losing it, give yourself a time out and get your mind straight. Don’t let things escalate the way I did, which left me feeling undone. Catch it early. Walk away for a few minutes. Regain your perspective. Get back on track and allow yourself to feel calm and more in control. Take a deep breath and let it go. Choose to be happy!  :))