The creatures that survived evolution were the ones who changed or adapted to their environments. Some fish grew legs and their lungs developed so that they could breathe air. They walked on land instead of swimming in the ocean. Man learned how to make tools, build a fire, communicate and feed himself.
I see a clear parallel to our lives as humans today. Those of us who can find ways to re-create ourselves and make our new situation work for us are happier, better adjusted and in general more successful at life. Ponder this for a moment. Do you agree?
The first life challenge that comes to mind is loss. Loss of a partner or spouse (through divorce or death), loss of a job (perhaps necessitating a move out of state), loss of your home, loss of your health. Loss stops us in our proverbial tracks. Our normal every day rhythms cease to exist. We feel out of touch with reality and even disoriented. I have talked about grieving before and how it takes time and patience. The end result is always the same – your life will be different now because of what happened. How do you deal with that?
This is where change and adaptation come in. For discussion purposes, let’s talk about someone whose spouse or partner has either died or filed for divorce. More than likely your initial response is one of shock and disbelief. I think disbelief follows every traumatic experience. And then numbness lives with you for a short time. Numbness is the body’s way of dealing with the horrific pain of what happened.
After you accept the fact that what has occurred is indeed real, you have to decide how to go on with your life in the best way possible. Some people choose not to. Not that they all commit suicide, but some just wait out the remainder of their days as either victims or non-willing participants. They have neither the energy nor the desire to embrace life. This would especially apply to a couple married for over 50 years after one of them dies; the other is left behind feeling lost and empty. The emptiness for them may never go away. Understandable, yes. Inevitable? No.
Let’s say that your spouse or partner has left and there is no hope of them ever coming back. After you go through the shock, disbelief and the grieving, what do you do? I am going to suggest the following possible choices for positive change, followed by adaptation.
1. Do a self survey. What role could I have possibly played in this scenario? Ask trusted friends and family members (who have your best interests in mind) how they see you as a person. Go to a one on one counseling session (maybe more) or group therapy session of people in similar circumstances. (There is great power in groups.) Buy one or more self-help books that speak to you.
2. Try something new. Take a class, join a gym, go on a diet? Go back to school to finish a degree. These things will increase your self worth and the ability to handle day to day living.
3. Plastic surgery? – Only if in doing so it will make you more self confident. Not to turn you into someone you are not.
These are for the most part physical changes. What about the adaptation part? To me that is mental, having more to do with attitude.
1. Change your perspective. You are not a loser or a victim. Your life has changed but you can still be wonderful and happy in it.
2. Surrender to the situation you are in. There is an expression, “Ride the horse in the direction that it’s going”. Accept the fact that you cannot change what is. You can only change how you respond to it.
3. Take it one day at a time.
You get the idea. Make both exterior and interior changes that are valuable to your self esteem. Get to know yourself and then move on with your life, feeling positive and hopeful. Obviously this takes time. Give that gift to yourself. This isn’t a race.
Life changes all the time. Our lives are impacted by little things and occasionally big things. Learning how to change ourselves and adapt gives us a better chance at happiness and future joys.
The power is within you. :))