No! I don’t mean that at all cost you must be perfect in everything you do. You can never fail. No. That’s not the message I wish to impart. I’ve decided, especially after a recent experience, that there is no such thing as failure! What?
If you try something and it doesn’t work out – have you really failed or did you just figure out that you must re-group, perhaps learn a little more and then try again? Is it really failure? I have decided I dislike that word but more importantly, the concept. How defeatist it is! How does it make you feel? LOUSY! Discouraged, disheartened and maybe even depressed. That’s not good. And who says you failed? Is it your own perception? Others’ perception?
Fail: (According to Webster:) 1. to fall short; 2. to miss performing an expected service or function; 3. to disappoint the expectations or trust… It’s so final, so hopeless. I choose not to acknowledge it any longer. It’s a word we can all do without, right?
You take your driver’s test and you don’t make it. You didn’t get your license. Go home, study and try again! Does that make you a failure? Of course not.
Okay, time to confess my recent “failure”. My first dressage show with my new horse. It did not turn out the way I wanted it to. We got to the venue late. I had only a short time to tack up and had but five minutes in the warm up arena. And then it was show time! Ruby was nervous and trotting faster than I was used to. My nerves grew which in turn made her more nervous. (That’s the way it works with horses.) Old tapes played in my head, going back to the scary “out of control” feelings I have had in the past. It was too late. The time had come to perform in front of the judges. I wanted to die but I went into the arena on my nervous horse with dread in my heart.
She ignored most of my cues because they were incorrectly given. I kept looking for the “slow down” button on her back but it wasn’t there! The irony here is that the judges were loving her “forward trot”. She happens to look adorable when she does it, pointing her toes and looking like a true dressage horse.
I was mortified leaving the show arena. All I wanted to do was get out of there as quickly as possible. I had failed, at least in my eyes. I was a loser. Maybe I should focus more on my writing and not so much on riding. That idea didn’t last long. I love this! Strangely enough, my scores were not nearly as bad as I thought they would be. Imagine that.
For a couple of days afterward I felt downtrodden. I decided not to think about it for a few days. I tried to acknowledge the positives – decent scores, my horse behaved and I stayed on! Oh, yes, and my husband thought I looked great!
Yesterday was my first day riding her after the show. We practiced the things that bothered me on Saturday and how best to deal with them. I nailed it! I can regain control if I lose it. I can do this! It was a great lesson, on many levels.
My next show with her will be soon. I will be better prepared mentally and hopefully Ruby will be less nervous. In any case, what happened on Saturday was not a failure. It was an opportunity for growth, a change in perspective and a time to look up instead of down. Now seriously, how can you call that a failure? :)))
