“You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.”
Most of us are familiar with that expression. What does it mean? Simply put, you are more apt to get what you want in life with sweetness, rather than acidity. How does it work? Today I am thinking about business scenarios. Recently I had to confront (not one of my favorite things to do) someone at my publisher about a mistake that, in my opinion, was on them and not on me. I wanted to get them to fix it without charging me to do so. Making me pay for something I did not do seemed completely unfair if not indefensible.
My approach was firm yet respectful. I laid out my argument in a detailed fashion in an attempt to win my case. I was neither “sweet” nor “acidic” to the party on the other end of the phone, but rather somewhere in-between. I ended the conversation by acknowledging his limited decision making authority and requested that he approach his boss for a resolution. He agreed, stating that he would get back to me. “Thank you,” I uttered politely. No word as of yet.
My husband’s approach in such matters is quite different from mine. When he knows or believes that he is in the right, he is not the least bit shy when making his point, minus the proverbial sugar coating. Sometimes he will relay the conversation to me after the fact. I have been known to cringe. The question is, is he successful in his unsweetened approach? The answer – mostly.
This brings to mind the question of expectation. Men are expected to be tough while negotiating. Women are seen as softer, not necessarily less assertive, but with less testosterone. My husband’s success without honey may be understandable, given his gender. Mine, as well, softening or sweetening the point while making it. Did I just discover something here or just re-state the obvious?
You have heard that tough male bosses are often looked upon as strong, smart and ambitious. For a female with similar qualities, the “B” word appears. Fair? Of course not. Part of our gender expectation? Absolutely.
Shall we say that the expression “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar” applies mostly to women? Or perhaps solely to women? And that men can catch them any way they want to?
Wait – what if a male is approaching his female boss? What if a female is confronting her male superior? Does that change the dynamic? I think so. A woman might want to be tougher with a male boss and a man a bit more self-controlled while trying to win over his female boss. (Am I caught in the 60s here?)
It may be 2015 but I believe we still hold onto many gender biases from the past. Good or bad, that’s how it is. Women are without question highly successful in the corporate world. They’ve come a long way since the 1950s when they were wearing dresses and pearls with a vacuum cleaner in one hand and a spatula in the other. However, women must build their success differently than their male counterparts. It’s obvious to me that they have figured out how.
So, honey or vinegar? The recipe for success depends on gender and approach. Or you can just buy a fly swatter! :)))